The Expert (Short Comedy Sketch)

The Expert (Short Comedy Sketch)


Our company has a new strategic initiative to increase market penetration, maximise brand loyalty, and enhance intangible assets. In pursuit of these objectives, we’ve started a new project — for which we require 7 red lines. I understand your company can help us in this matter. Of course! Walter here will be the Project Manager. Walter, we can do this, can’t we? Yes, of course. Anderson here is our expert in all matters related to drawing red lines. We brought him along today to share his professional opinion. Nice to meet you! Well, you all know me. This is Justine, our company’s design specialist. Hallo… We need you to draw seven red lines. All of them strictly perpendicular; some with green ink and some with transparent. Can you do that? No. I’m afraid we — Let’s not rush into any hasty answers, Anderson! The task has been set and needs to be carried out. At the end of the day, you are an expert. The term “red line” implies the colour of the line to be red. To draw a red line with green ink is — well if it is not exactly impossible, then it is pretty close to being impossible. What does it even mean: “impossible”? I mean, it is quite possible that there are some people, say suffering from colour blindness, for whom the colour of the lines doesn’t really make a difference. But I am quite sure that the target audience of your project does not consists solely of such people. So in principle this is possible. I’ll simplify. A line as such can be drawn with absolutely any ink. But if you want to get a red line, you need to use red ink. What if we draw them with blue ink? It still won’t work. If you use blue ink, you will get blue lines. And what exactly did you mean, when you talked about the transparent ink? How to better explain? I’m sure you know what “transparent” means? Yes, I do. And what a “red line” means, I hope I don’t need to explain to you? Of course not. Well… You need to draw red lines with transparent ink. Could you describe what you imagine the end result would look like? C’mon, Anderson! What do we have here, kindergarten? Let’s not waste our time with these unproductive quarrels. The task has been set; the task is plain and clear. Now, if you have any specific questions, go ahead! You’re the expert here! Alright, let’s leave aside the colour for the moment. You had something there also relating to perpendicularity?.. Seven lines, all strictly perpendicular. To what? Erm, to everything. Among themselves. I assumed you know what perpendicular lines are like! Of course he does. He’s an expert! Two lines can be perpendicular. All seven can’t be simultaneously perpendicular to each other. I’ll show you. This is a line, right? Yes. And another one. Is it perpendicular to the first line? Well… Yes, it is perpendicular. Exactly! Wait, wait, I’m not done. And a third one: is it perpendicular to the first line? Yes, it is! But it doesn’t cross the second line. They’re both parallel. Not perpendicular! I suppose so. There it is. Two lines can be perpendicular — Can I have the pen? How about this? This is a triangle. It’s definitely not perpendicular lines. And there are three, not seven. Why are they blue? Indeed. Wanted to ask that myself. I have a blue pen with me. This was just a demonstration — That’s the problem, your lines are blue. Draw them with red ink! It won’t solve the problem. How do you know before you’ve tried? Lets draw them with red ink and then let’s see. I don’t have a red pen with me, — but I am completely certain that with red ink the result will still be the same. Didn’t you tell us earlier that you can only draw red lines with red ink? In fact, yes, I’ve written it down here! And now you want to draw them with a blue ink. Do you want to call these red lines? I think I understand. You’re not talking about the colour now, right? You’re talking about that, what do you call it: per-per, dick-dick — Perpendicularity, yes! That’s it, now you’ve confused everyone. So what exactly is stopping us from doing this? Geometry. Just ignore it! We have a task. Seven red lines. It’s not twenty; it’s just seven. Anderson, I understand; you’re a specialist of a narrow field, you don’t see the overall picture. But surely it’s not a difficult task to draw some seven lines! Exactly. Suggest a solution! Any fool can criticise, no offence, but you’re an expert, you should know better! OK. Let me draw you two perfectly perpendicular red lines, — and I will draw the rest with transparent ink. They’ll be invisible, but I’ll draw them. Would this suit us? Yes, this will suit us. Yes, but at least a couple with green ink. Oh, and I have another question, if I may. Can you draw one of the lines in the form of a kitten? A what? In the form of a kitten. Market research tells our users like cute animals. It’d be really great if — No-oh… Why? Look, I can of course draw you a cat. I’m no artist, but I can give it a try. But it won’t be a line any more. It will be a cat. A line and a cat: those are two different things. A kitten. Not a cat, but a kitten. It’s little, cute, cuddly. Cats, on the other hand — It doesn’t make a difference. Anderson, at least hear her out! She hasn’t even finished speaking, and you’re already saying “No!” I got the idea, but it is impossible to draw a line in the form of a cat…ten. What about a bird? So, where did we stop? What are we doing? Seven red lines, two with red ink, two with green ink and the rest – with transparent. Did I understand correctly? —
— Yes. Excellent! In which case that’s everything, right? Oh, oh, I almost forgot, we also have a red balloon. Do you know if you could inflate it? What do I have to do with balloons? It’s red. Anderson, can you or can you not do this? A simple question. As such, I can of course, but — Excellent. Organise a business trip, we’ll cover the expenses, — go over to their location, inflate the balloon. Well this was very productive, thank you all! Can I ask one more question, please? When you inflate the balloon, could you do it in the form of a kitten? Of course I can! I can do anything, I can do absolutely anything. I’m an expert!

100 thoughts on “The Expert (Short Comedy Sketch)

  1. Check out the new episodes of The Expert: Square Project!
    http://bit.ly/SquareProjectEp1
    http://bit.ly/SquareProjectEp2
    http://bit.ly/SquareProjectEp3

  2. well technically, if you could somehow make a program capable of conceptualizing a 7-dimensional space, you could put all 7 lines through each other perpendicularly, because with each added dimension you can put 1 more line through the intersection while maintaining perpendicularity.

  3. Yea.. This speaks for current modern society. Hence why many company are making losses and burdening the society with inflated price product.

  4. Shortly:Task is incorrect,but nobody from management undestand it,and managemant forces specialist to do this bullshit.

  5. I feel like this is a real conversation with people in 2019.

    I understand you want to be a red pen, but you were born a blue pen, you can change the cap, the lid, but the ink remains the same.

  6. I would have made a fake fart and sarcastically reply that I am too incompetent for such a business-potent group after the first five minutes.

  7. To draw 7 perpendicular to Each other lines… it would take to draw them in a higer dimention… simple isn’t it?

  8. OMG, this is so true!! I have been in so many meetings like this!! FOR REAL! I am an engineer and this is so commonplace in meetings with clients.

  9. In a 7 dimensional universe all 7 lines can be perpendicular. And light reflected off green ink can be made to appear red if the Doppler shift is great enough.

  10. Amount of times I've sat in meetings with gormless business idiots who know fuck all about anything and tried to educate them about software development and they act much the same as this. 🙄

  11. I am raging as I watch this. This is what it's like being a clinician administrator dealing with non clinician administrators or KPIs set in the stratosphere that do not result in actual performance or advantage to patients. There's a reason healthcare is described as a "complex system" even in non-clinical administrative literature.

  12. This is exactly how meetings with colleagues go who have to decide something but do not understand their decision and who do not understand why this decision cannot be fulfilled.

  13. Dems will have a hissy fit over this. Should have used a BLACK woman. This is soooo stereotypical, racist and sexist they will say.

  14. Here is another great office life scetch! 🙂
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_csa1nGBEo
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_RqRAoKZr4

  15. 1. Lines dont have to be straight. Any number of lines can be perpendicular to each other at specific points.

    2. All the English people are stupid and the chinaman is clever. Standard propaganda.

  16. Precisely why I've been a freelancer since 2011 and haven't looked back. As a designer working for a corporate organization, you're going to be art-directed by 20-something MBAs who believe, quite delusionally, that they're also "creative" and can "do design", so that everything turns out to look exactly like the boring, ugly corporate garbage they say they're trying to get away from (and then blame the designer when the client takes a dump all over it). In any office setting, no matter how smart any one person might be, the collective IQ is around 30, and the aesthetic IQ is in the negative numbers.

  17. The ones that have management jobs, they are there cause they wanted to do management.
    They wanted the power, not the dirty works and above all no responsibility.
    Often you will see them doing nothing other than taking all the glory to climb the ladder faster.
    They are the worse you want for management, but once they find their way up ,they will promote people like them that are more likely to agree with them and fire the janitor.

    The older a management is, the more likely you will find them at the top, that's why government are often runs by incompetents.

  18. YouTube is really trying to tell me my situation right now. Why do we go to work to face such nonsense daily when it is obvious that these people are the ones that is better gone and the world would be a better place.

  19. When you set the mold for corperate institutions, this is what you get just before the fall of life as we knew it. You can flush the toilet now I am ready to go,

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