The Art of The Wound (Full Movie)

The Art of The Wound (Full Movie)


(Audience noise) (Applause) ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ A prison without bars ♪♪
♪♪ you are always free to go ♪♪ ♪♪ (Winter is clearly on its way) ♪♪
♪♪ Just do not be deceived ♪♪
♪♪ by what you think you know ♪♪ ♪♪ minimum security slaves ♪♪
♪♪ paid a minimum wage ♪♪ ♪♪ [In the days of my youth] ♪♪
♪♪ [I was searching the earth.] ♪♪ ♪♪ [I was searching for truth] ♪♪
♪♪ [Since the moment of birth.] ♪♪ ♪♪ False revolution televised ♪♪
♪♪ Only a scripted illusion ♪♪ ♪♪ [A wise man I cherish] ♪♪
♪♪ [Gave a piece of advice] ♪♪ ♪♪ Transformation is within ♪♪
♪♪ in ceasing the collusion. ♪♪ ♪♪ [Be careful what you wish.] ♪♪
♪♪ [He told it to me twice.] ♪♪ ♪♪ (In a perfect world) ♪♪ ♪♪ You are always free to go ♪♪
♪♪ but you must walk away. ♪♪ ♪♪ [The path of truth is a lonely road] ♪♪ ♪♪ [Because in truth we’re all alone] ♪♪ ♪♪ [Yeah the path of truth is a lonely road] ♪♪
{Three…, Two… One…}
♪♪ [Because all of us are one.] ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ I’ve been blinded by the silence. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Just muffled in the dark. ♪♪ In December of 2017, Cedar Branches,
a little-known independent artist and traveling mystic,
settled into a friend’s home as winter approached. After living a transient lifestyle for almost seven years his path had led him to this place, where he would spend the month of December alone. ♫ ♫ ♫ It would seem to be a welcome pause after an unending
stream of travels, activity, and creative productivity. For Cedar however there
would be no rest for the weary. ♪♪ I can find no escape. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ In solitude he turned inward;
sifting through his consciousness. A lifetime of intense stories and challenges
of an alternative lifestyle lived with unreasonable gusto. ♪♪ Just stifled in the dark. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ He reflected on the many people
who had shared their stories with him, remembering the many downtrodden,
neglected, forgotten, and under-appreciated ♫ ♫ ♫ Sitting with his shadows (all the anger, apathy, neglect, betrayal, jealousy,
loneliness, and unspoken pains from secret wounds), he sought to express
what so many wish they could but don’t. ♪♪ Some people sing it. ♪♪
♪♪ Most just sing along. ♪♪ ♪♪ I’m the one who’s livin’ ♪♪
♪♪ the story within the song. ♪♪ ♪♪ The story within the song. ♪♪ With infrequent contact with the outside world,
and with scarce resources in his food stores, Cedar set out to create a volume of work
that would touch, move, and inspire others into meaningful action
that might begin to transform communities. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ It’s hard to hear a yes ♪♪ Despite never having sung in public,
in a symbolic act of courage, Cedar published a track of himself singing
“The Glow Song”. No music accompanied the initial release though it would quickly be combined
with music and spoken word poetry into the first song of
“Shadows Illuminated”. ♪♪ Dreaming of your silvery eyes ♪♪ ♪♪ and that smile with such a glow. ♪♪ ♪♪ Illuminated ♪♪ ♪♪ (I am shaken) ♪♪ ♪♪ (Illuminated) ♪♪ ♪♪ Illuminated ♪♪ ♪♪ I am shaken ♪♪ Over the next two weeks, he continued releasing one track-after-another
of songs and spoken word based music, as well as providing regular live feeds of his process. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ I’ll be the proof ♪♪ ♪♪ that God doth exist ♪♪ ♪♪ (About me he lives) ♪♪ By Christmas, Cedar completed nine songs,
and released his very first music album. ♪♪ (This life is eternal.) ♪♪ ♪♪ (There are no exits.) ♪♪ ♪♪ I’ll be the proof ♪♪ ♪♪ of what I don’t seem. ♪♪ ♪♪ (Simple reflections) ♪♪ ♪♪ (My life is but dream.) ♪♪ ♪♪ Waking from a long sleep ♪♪ ♪♪ Tossing and turning ♪♪ ♪♪ without moving a muscle ♪♪ My initial perspective of his work was that it seemed to have needed an immense amount
of self-reflection and time alone to create such a truthful and large body of art. The musical work to me at first was… I was listening. I’m like “Oh, God,
what has Cedar put together now with all of his free time and all all of his time alone… doing nothing? (laughs) And then giving it some time and attention it started to grow on me,
creating a depth of experience for me. It was going into the depths of the well,
and in a way bringing all the obscure and unexpressed tales
of the true life story; allowing that to come up and be actually performed. ♪♪ You’ve won the prize! ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ It was a mixture of past events and the reality…
right now. ♪♪ Just a status symbol ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Just a status symbol ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ A gratifying token ♪♪ There was a lot of weaving of emotions.
For me every piece was bringing also, for my own life experience,
jotted flashbacks. And so the music was very haunting, and it was like peeling off layers
of the onion -spiritually speaking-, and also bringing back
something from the childhood. This mixing, this weaving interaction of softness and yet really being on the edge, and so the contrasts I think were
really effective. ♪♪ Just cast it aside ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Along the wayside ♪♪ ♪♪ Along the wayside ♪♪ ♪♪ Inconsequential ♪♪ And of course the poetry. The poetry was music in the words. It was the words themselves being the music. You know it takes a lot of guts to be that revealing, and I think that the job of the artist
is to evoke emotion; to make us feel something. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ I’d sing of joy I don’t feel ♪♪ It’s got a mood to it. It’s got a feel to it,
and it’s an emotional one, and a lot of times the emotions that I
find evoked in me by listening to his work are emotions that are uncomfortable. ♪♪ And nobody could drink ♪♪ ♪♪ from such an empty cup. ♪♪ The fear and the uncertainty,
the sadness, the melancholy; all of those things that I think
a lot of times we try to paint over. Not everybody is willing to
authentically express some of the darker tones, and he is and by that
I think that’s how healing works. There is a source of honesty
within Shadows Illuminated. It is my own elegy.
It is how I chose to be remembered; exposing what felt so true for me
as I saw the writing on the wall; death’s persistent gaze growing ever closer,
and there seemed no way to avoid its ultimate arrival. Cedar’s childhood was filled with challenges. Coming from a broken home,
much of his childhood was spent in transience; moving from one place and home to another. By the time he was 18,
he had lived in well over a dozen cities,
and had attended over 30 schools. His situation resulted in numerous personal challenges; abandonment issues, difficulties fitting in, rebellious
behaviors, depression, and a failure to thrive condition. In order to cope with his difficulties,
Cedar had turned to the mystical and to alcohol and drugs as an escape. At the age of 17, Cedar faced a
final abandonment by his mother, and was left homeless in the streets of Santa Cruz. ♪♪ That wound ♪♪ ♪♪ That wound ♪♪ ♪♪ Still bleeding ♪♪ ♪♪ Still needing ♪♪ When I first met Cedar,
I remember him as a vulnerable, quiet man, hungry for belonging and connection. And his kind nature drew me in,
and as I gave him attention I realized I was attaining
a sense of belonging as well in this new friendship. I was aware he had difficulties in his childhood
with abandonments and social awkwardness, but (in the same vein)
we were all also happy to have each other that those things weren’t
really discussed very much. There is a feeling of wonder
that was ever-present in Cedar, and that was what the wound brought
to the surface for me in my friendship. I really felt like there was so much teaching
in being in the presence of this authenticity. It was a real learning experience
for people to be in Cedar’s presence -in any way, any form-
there was a learning experience. And that learning experience, I believe
was from the depths of the wounding, and still being able to appreciate life. I believe that what Cedar went through as a child traumatized him so much. He is searching for love,
and acceptance, and community. The abandonment was ever-present
because that was part of the light and the shadow. And the part of the shadow that was present
was a form of self-validation that I will always be abandoned or left aside. Repeating the loop,
and feeling that there is proof! “Oh here we go again. Here we go.
Someone left me unattended.” and that was kind of the theme of the wound, I believe. He entered the workforce, and began a long process
of building a life for himself as an adult. Cedar ended up marrying his high school sweetheart, and they had a child together. Back before he was who he is now he worked at Microsoft,
and I’m big into technology so I really wanted to to emulate him
and get into Microsoft and all that. And he showed me around,
and he was always a little bit of a hippie, but he lived a corporate life for a long time;
a businessman; made pretty good money. I’ll probably always remember the drives honestly. We’d go get doughnuts, and drive around. He’d humor me has my imaginary friend
(more or less) guided us around. I don’t know if he actually believed was real,
but guided us where to drive. We’d go see nature. He talked to me about crazy stuff
I 75% of the time payed attention to. Those are always always fond memories for me. He slowly worked his way up the ladder,
frequently changing jobs, while consistently excelling
at whatever he took on. Cedar ultimately became a full-time analyst
for a corporation, and was able to buy a condo
in a highly-rated suburb of Seattle. He grew up in a family situation where there was definitely a lot of abandonment and traumas and it’s just kind of interesting to reflect on Cedar’s life, and I think initially those traumas
led him to wanting to fulfill that American dream of getting out of poverty or breaking some cycles, and leading him to work at this high-end job,
and making all this money. My experience working with him was
that the work ethic was very strong and (in fact)
when it came to working with Cedar, it’s mostly marked by many many successes
-collaborative successes- in turning in results. He was very strong with the workflows and
processes, and the technical side, which would have that idea happen. It was really a pleasure to work with Cedar
across these different ways in different spaces come up with ideas,
and really make these ideas happen. He was very careful in his relationships with others; less likely to rock the boat than not,
and had good social relationships with other folks; folks he got together with outside of Microsoft like me. He was along this kind of traditional values
(American values) path, having a really high-paying job,
and working his way up the ladder, and nice car, house, and kind of that whole thing
that I think a lot of Americans really strive for, and he gave all that up. From most outside perspectives it would seem
that things had finally worked out for Cedar. For Cedar however
there was little happiness or satisfaction to be found in the life that he had worked so hard to create. It’s a story of working together again;
some amazing successes that we had produced,
and some amazing wins, but ultimately a real catastrophic example
of greed and politics, and just humans behaving super badly,
for whatever motivations they had. And I think that Cedar was privy to
(had a front-row seat to) all of that happening. The way that it went down couldn’t help but impact him,
but he was kind of like an innocent bystander. There would be a lot of unsatisfactory ways in which our two management teams dis-intermediated
(or separated) our ability to work together, injected other people
(who were well-meaning) into the picture that did not necessarily serve
the space that we had created. There was a real fear and panic
about the revenue side of it,
and the sabotage that occurred was pretty profound. This sabotage was pretty obvious to Cedar. A lifetime of unhealed depression, health issues, and general unhappiness with an unfulfilling lifestyle
had taken its toll. He was depressed, and subject to frequent
suicidal thoughts and heightened emotional outbursts. I remember there was a lot of fighting
between him my mom. They would fight before he went to work
and I thought he was real hard-ass. ♪♪ Home constructed ♪♪ I remember the health ones most acutely; when he was all skin and bones, and he was sick a lot. It affected a lot. Then it took a downturn. ♪♪ from stone and a rhyme. ♪♪ Yeah, there was a lot of
irritability on (I feel) all sides on how things went down. It definitely struck me that he was
a lot more frustrated than anything else. ♪♪ Let it crumble. ♪♪ I think everybody in the house was. ♪♪ Crazy man, drunken man ♪♪ Hitting rock bottom,
Cedar formulated a professional support team, and moved on to a path dedicated to healing himself. The thing was that he wasn’t happy. He felt like his spirit was being sucked out of him, basically from this type of way of life, and he realized that he needed
to do something different in his life if he wanted to to survive. By the next month,
Cedar was diagnosed with celiac disease, and was found to have faced significant malnourishment issues over the years. He didn’t find out that he was a celiac
until he was 35 years old. So he went 35 years not knowing he had it. A little while later (still while he was 35 years old) he discovered that he had NASH
(non-alcoholic fatty liver disease) Plus he has eating disorders from childhood; from the neglect, from the poverty
(from living in poverty); not being able to eat well at all. The celiac causes nutritional deficiencies. And the NASH (the liver problem;
the non-alcoholic fatty liver problem) is caused partially from the celiac. It’s also been exacerbated by the the eating problems. He’d been eating stuff
that his body considered poison for 35 years. He got good at ignoring his hunger. If you didn’t put food in front of Cedar,
he would not eat. Plus when he’s creating art and stuff,
he gets so focused into the art that he is not even gonna think about food. The body is not all that important to Cedar I think. In order to begin healing, Cedar made his physical, emotional, and spiritual health a priority. He set out on the slow process of restructuring his life
in a way that would be more sustainable; to heal his body, his relationships,
and to pursue more hope-giving creative pursuits. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Destination. Oh, destination. ♪♪ He published hundreds of colorful nature
images and succeeded in creating multiple gallery showings
of his fine art photography. His photography was touching places in my heart
that I was longing to see, and I could see the colors and the shape
of the nature of being in those cards, and I felt that it was very unique,
and there was a lot of light in it. Let me put it that way. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Ka Ra Ya Sa Ta Al La ♪♪ In the first half of 2011, Cedar’s marriage ended,
as did his career, and Cedar fully dedicated himself
to a life of devotional spiritual service. To me at the time
it didn’t seem like a big momentous life event. It felt more like a matter of course;
like it had been building up to it for a long time, and I was kind of just glad
to have it over and done with at that point. it was like, “Ah, finally it they’re done,
and they can they can go their separate ways, and hopefully that things turn out for the better,” and I think it has ultimately. I always thought that the new life path stuff
generally was a lot of hippie stuff though (like talking about doing magic and spirit and all that), and it’s never really been something
that I’ve related to or resonated with, but it makes him happy,
and it makes a lot of other people happy. Looking back now I think it was good for him.
It was good for other people -so that’s what really matters-. That was about the time that Cedar had quit Microsoft, and, as time went on, it seemed that he was clear he wasn’t going to be earning a living for himself, and explicitly said that he was dedicating his life
to his higher power, to spirit, and to source, and he would only survive off the generosity of others. Cedar became very connected to his spirituality, and very connected to where spirit would call him to be. I think that he wanted to give up
the attachment to any kind of wealth, and travel, and meet people,,
and make a difference for people, and live mostly a shamanistic existence. He wasn’t gonna live off the the system
and to live by money. His path, from what I understand, was that he would show up and support people, and be in service for other people, and to really listen to spirit
(or a higher higher force), and allow that to lead his life. Devotion to be a vessel for receiving, and giving its presence would be the exchange, and giving the devotion
(sharing that devotion) would be the exchange. And so there is a lot of trust to spirit; like whatever Spirit is asking next,
that’s what I’m gonna do. My mind is not gonna be the driver.
My heart will follow spirit. And I believe that this was
the truest I have known in anybody. Cedar began his what I might call
(half-amusedly) his walking the earth phase. And not to make light of it because it was a journey that most people would not undertake; most people would not choose it, many people are critical of it (judgmental about it),
and it costs something. Many people who undertake a similar journey,
whether by choice or whether forced into it, don’t come back to tell the story. And so it would be that
Cedar would begin an entirely new journey, unplugged from the customs and
dogmas of modern society, and that he would make his way into the unknown
on the path that lay before him. ♪♪ In the days of my youth ♪♪ ♪♪ I was searching the earth. ♪♪ ♪♪ I was searching for truth ♪♪ ♪♪ since the moment of birth. ♪♪ ♪♪ A wise man I cherish ♪♪ ♪♪ gave a piece of advice. ♪♪ ♪♪ “Be careful what you wish.” ♪♪ ♪♪ He told it to me twice. ♪♪ ♪♪ The path of truth is a lonely road ♪♪ ♪♪ for in truth we’re all alone. ♪♪ ♪♪ Yeah, the path of truth is a lonely road ♪♪ ♪♪ because all of us are one. ♪♪ Now enveloped in an identity crisis,
he set out on a spiritual journey to find and to know his true self. ♪♪ To me it was my all. ♪♪ ♪♪ Life was empty without. ♪♪ ♪♪ Truth was my only call, ♪♪ ♪♪ and my prayer became a shout. ♪♪ Still operating heavily from deep wounds
of abandonment and neglect, Cedar also began seeking companionship
that might alleviate his loneliness. What followed was a string of rejections,
broken relationships, regular abandonments, and deep lessons about self-worth and true love. ♪♪ I’d tell it to people; ♪♪ ♪♪ help them to understand. ♪♪ ♪♪ I’d shout it from the steeple, ♪♪ ♪♪ and bring healing to this land. ♪♪ Before Cedar could live into an empowered life,
and to help others, he would need to resolve
through his own deepest wounds. In October of 2011, Cedar took a month-long,
spirit-guided journey to South America. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Cutting loose the anchors ♪♪ ♪♪ so I might sail unbound. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ His journey resulted in the publication of his first book, titled “Spirit Work”. I slowly become aware of my manifest experience as I emerge from the sheer white light of my restful state. An eternal abundance of divine love fills
my light body, energizing into form. I welcome it. The vastness of my being washes over me. The complexity of this omnipresence
extends endlessly in countless directions. I tune in. I sense Earth-Mother,
and I express deep love and gratitude to her from deep within my being. “Spirit Work” was a photographic travel journal created mainly of images
and short diary-like blog posts. It not only shared aspects
of his spiritual journey to rediscover himself, but it also highlighted his wounds surrounding love,
and how those played a part in his life. We are a state of continual oneness. The moment is eternal. Vibrations of infinite types and reaches
resonate throughout me. With a peaceful sigh, they fall
into a gentle song, soothing my soul. I hum along. A month following his return to the States,
Cedar was totally broke, and would not be able to afford rent at his apartment. He quickly shed the majority
of his remaining belongings, packed up his car,
and took a step deeper into a life of transience. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ I don’t have much, or so it might seem. ♪♪ ♪♪ Just a hand-me-down pack, weighing on my back, ♪♪ ♪♪ and these worn out shoes; ♪♪
♪♪ traveled further than you. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ The life you never knew. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ I could’ve had a house. ♪♪
♪♪ Yeah, that might have been. ♪♪ ♪♪ A place to be tied, ♪♪
♪♪ a mortgage too high, ♪♪ ♪♪ and the constant chores; ♪♪
♪♪ the sweeping of floors; ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ hiding behind closed doors. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ I don’t have much, or so it might seem. ♪♪ ♪♪ Just some simple rocks, ♪♪
♪♪ and some holy socks ♪♪ ♪♪ that have supported my soul ♪♪
♪♪ with love as a goal. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ A heart that is so full. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ At the beginning of 2012,
Cedar became officially homeless. He turned to the support of a community and loved ones
to aid him and fulfilling his quest. He was mostly couch-surfing
with family friends and his friends. He’d bounce around
from house to house (home to home) for handful of months
(maybe like six is the longest I remember). And then he’d end up moving somewhere else;
kinda like a drifter. It definitely isn’t a way that most people
I expect would want to live. I’m not sure how difficult he had a time
of procuring these houses, but he never kept them for very long,
and I can’t imagine it would be easy. I wouldn’t be able to do it. Given the independence
that he had built his old life upon, Cedar was not accustomed
to asking for help from others. It would require a leap of faith
to let go of his previous patterns, and to become dependent on others. ♪♪ I created a new body. ♪♪ He leveraged his dedication to being in service
to creating a sense of balance in his relationships. Cedar expanded into community,
and became more-and-more dependent upon others to help fulfill his everyday needs. He showed up consistently in our community home
-always welcomed of course-, and we were beginning to grow
(in a sense), like a soul family, and we were creative together,
and felt a sense of freedom together, and I always talked very easily with Cedar,
from the beginning. And I offered him shelter and food,
and company and love, and he always seemed to be grateful and honored
to be taken in with such love and authenticity. And being around Cedar at this time was a real joy, and a way out of the prison of my mind. His shift into a moneyless lifestyle
would prove to be quite difficult. Cedar shed almost every possession that remained
from his prior life, and began to live from a backpack. More challenging however was to release the proverbial
baggage and patterns of a life spent in materialism, as well as adjusting his own expectations to be more
aligned with the reality of scarcity that he now faced. The times that he would show up on my doorstep were maybe two or three times a year,
for perhaps a weekend, a week, a few days, and he’d need a place to crash. Usually he was at the end of his rope. He’d been someplace that wasn’t good for him,
or he felt that he’d worn out his welcome somewhere, and he was always welcome here. So I would provide food for him.
I was aware that he was gluten intolerant (a celiac). I would provide what I could,
certainly a warm place to sleep, and we would hang out.
We would have long conversations. Much of what Cedar was coming to and learning
overlapped what I was coming to and learning One of the other things that I would say
about Cedar’s time walking the earth was that, when he would show up,
it was clear that he was in some kind of physical need, and the lack of resources were taking a toll. I’m not really one to judge the path, but I was concerned
about his health on more than one occasion. Yes, very unstable. I knew Cedar for five or six years, and I believe -once- once I knew that the home
was going to be a little longer than temporary. Yes it was very temporary
living different places and couch-surfing, and having beautiful situations
for a moment. mmm-hmm And I feel that Cedar many times was in the street, and many times he wouldn’t share it. So there was a lot of hunger and trust. Cedar’s photography and book
had not produced much income, and his community had helped him,
but not nearly enough to meet
even his most basic of needs. Nonetheless, he remained dedicated
to his chosen path of service and creativity, even when at a detriment to his own well-being. In the summer of 2012, Cedar sought more stable shelter to protect him from the oncoming winter. He went to a place if they called the Crystal Palace, and that was full of young hipster-people, and he seemed happy there. Though temporary stability offered benefits,
renting a room and living a moneyless lifestyle would prove to be incongruent,
creating new challenges for Cedar to surmount. He was offered a potential ghost-writing gig for a man
who was fearful about someone stealing his ideas. Before the man would commit to hire Cedar, he demanded that Cedar write his own story
(which had similar themes). This would give the man an opportunity
to differentiate Cedar’s writing from his own. Cedar was offered one month of time to complete this work, and the man paid Cedar a small amount
while he finished it. Over the next few weeks,
Cedar would scratch out his second book,
“How To Create A New Earth”. I crave the new earth, a utopia built from the good, beautiful,
and true within my consciousness. I have explored how to best bring about
the new patterns in great depth, never turning away from a hopeful method. Faced with false limitations;
unreal and unsustainable past, I believed a great purification must be experienced. How else could we create a new pattern
(microphone disturbance) (mysterious voice)
and begin again from nothing. Transmutation of the old leaves the risk that the seeds
of previous harvests may bloom again into the new crop, corrupting it from within,
and leading tomorrow unsustainable results. (normal voice)
I also discovered in paradox that the most basic patterns work through self-similarity
between consciousness and manifestation. Further negotiations for the ghostwriting job fell through, and by winter Cedar was again forced
to leave his temporary home. He took wintertime shelter at his brother’s home
in the mountains of Washington State. The winter time would prove to be quite
challenging and transformative for Cedar, who was now unplugged from the community
that he had become dependent upon. With few food rations,
he would face a winter of hunger. While facing starvation,
Cedar completed a spoken-word video collection, based on his book “How To Create A New Earth”. May the highest good come to all. May earth be restored to her full health and thrive. May peace and love be abundant universally. May we all live in gratitude throughout each moment. Featuring numerous original natural images
that he had captured during his journey, book sales of the written title had been very slow, but he placed significant weight on getting the text out
to others in a way they might better receive it. ♪♪ May the resources of the world be replenished,
and returned to their rightful stewards
through natural justice. ♪♪ ♪♪ May humanity move to a paradigm of generosity. ♪♪ ♪♪ May we find and apply forgiveness
in every area of our lives. ♪♪ ♪♪ May we all be free throughout our lives,
as this is our birthright. ♪♪ ♪♪ May we attract healthy
and authentic relationships. ♪♪ ♪♪ May we stand in infinite love, now and always. ♪♪ ♪♪ May the numbers of our nature allies increase. ♪♪ ♪♪ May we achieve the full manifestation
of our potential. ♪♪ ♪♪ May we live in a world of magic,
embracing the mystery. ♪♪ ♪♪ May we bring positive influence to our realities, ♪♪ ♪♪ and may these influences stretch
into the eternal design of our natural universe. ♪♪ ♪♪ May we stand in the light
realizing our innate connection with all. ♪♪ ♪♪ May we be whole. ♪♪ ♪♪ May our experiences continue in beauty and truth. ♪♪ ♪♪ May we love each other, all beings, and all things. ♪♪ ♪♪ May the new earth emerge in her shining glory. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ Cedar emerged from a near-death experience,
and from a transformative winter to again engage with his community. His newfound courage renewed his dedication to be in
service and to continue on his path of personal healing. My life is my torch shining from my heart My art is my rebellion Free expression of soul My struggle is my growth guided perfectly by nature My companion is my Self and all my experience ♪♪ My light ♪♪ ♪♪ is my love ♪♪ ♪♪ illuminating my path ♪♪ I would describe Cedar’s spirituality as unconventional, out-of-the-box, untraditional (laughs) and quite frankly that unconventional-ness
about him and his beliefs played a very big role in my life in helping me. Some of the spiritual teachings
that he has taught me have helped me just break out of a box of dogma that just limited me . I didn’t know exactly how to break
those patterns of thinking,
and he really helped me with that, and I was able to jump out of that box,
and that brought in more creativity; boundlessness. And I’ll always be thankful to him for that. He was a bit different than a lot
of my other friends (or other people). I felt really drawn to Cedar
in kind of a unique way. He seemed a bit different and than other people,
and he had just this really magnetic nature. He had this artistic feel to him;
this free spirit almost a rebel in a way, but he really carried this deep authenticity,
and just this level of depth that is pretty rare. I just love how his mind works.
I love how he’s so knowledgeable, and he knows so much about all these different things and in different areas of life, and can bring a fresh perspective
to practically anything. We’re talking about things like perception. We’re talking about karma, and really exploring these ideas, and for me that was kind of unique. We talked about the topic of compassion,
and you would think maybe there’s not a lot to say; it’s like, “Be compassionate. That’s a good thing,” but with him we spent an hour talking about compassion
and really unpacking it and digging deep into it, and it was wonderful. Compassion is much more around an allowance
mentality, and allowance isn’t attached to how things look or how they manifest. And it opens up all kinds
of wonderful possibilities, in these esoteric ways that I’m talking about
that are a little deeper or transcendent, but also more like
in the tangible examples of what you said. It’s like if I’m in an argument
with my sister about a food situation, Why would I argue if I just understood
that she’s hungry, and I love her? There’s no need for an argument. It just lends to an instant sharing kind of situation
where there’s no argument need to be had, and all that suffering is then released. I feel like I’ve always seen him as a spiritual person; someone that was always connected,
always knew the right words to say; very wise. He has a very calming presence and voice,
and he’s helped me through a lot. I was coming to terms with my own spirituality, and we had met at a time where I was going
through many transitions, and he also was. ♪♪ I know the way. ♪♪ Well there is this disbelief that comes into people’s
knowledge of themselves, like, “How can someone… go to this place,
with such courage, such devotion?” Like, “We only see this in India!” right? That is really brand new to bring to the mainstream. There was a lot of excitement like, “Oh my goodness!
We found a gem! We found a gem!”, right? “I want to understand. I want to learn from this person.” And so believe a lot of people have searched for such a being, and a few have found such a being, and I would say that Cedar was able to mentor a few
people that were that lucky to to be on his path, and on their path so deeply
that they would come together -bump into each other-. Cedar grew more accustomed to a transient life,
and continued to adapt his needs and way of being to be more appropriate to his situation. He moved about more frequently,
attempting to spread his burden more broadly
across many members of his community, while lessening his impact
on just one individual at a time. I got a chance to work pretty closely with Cedar
on a project that I was working on, and that was creating (or coming up with)
a business name and a logo for my business. And Cedar, there he was!
He was there to be fully in service of this project, and he was just really patient,
and had this unconditional love that he offered, and he really allowed me to be vulnerable, and to try
to understand what I was truly trying to convey. So it was just really special to be able
to work with him on that project. At that time he didn’t have a place to stay,
so for me it was like, “Yeah, dude. You’re totally helping me.
Let me be able to help.” I’d just be able to cook a little extra food,
and be able to have a place for him to stay, and even when we weren’t working on the project,
we were able to have
these really deep conversations about life, and I think that he really helped
shift a lot of my perspectives and viewpoints on our society and and how it’s going. Still Cedar continued to struggle with having his needs
met, and he faced regular uncertainty and hunger. Maybe the wound would come out
and take the microphone again and say, “Oh, here we go. Are we in a place of being embraced?
Uh-oh!” And then the wound would play out again, right? (where
the excitement and the honeymoon would wither) And so, in that place, Cedar would have to
move away, and feel rejected or no longer understood. ♫ ♫ ♫ And I felt (over time) less and less understanding
of these choices and of this way of life, and I watched him grow angry at times
and at times of desperation, when even the closest people
to him were resentful of feeling that they had to feed and shelter him, and so for me it became a very difficult thing
for me to watch and to participate in. Although Cedar, he contributed what he could
all of love and scarce resources, and his behavior was one of generosity and kindness. And I saw some people gravitate
to what he had to offer, and I know that he helped many many people
that came into contact with him, with his developing wisdom and faith in God, and I watched others also
be turned off from the whole thing. Cedar’s dependency on me and our community
created an open-heartedness in me at first, but that was not infinite. I watched him slowly begin to run out of options
for people willing to shelter and feed him, and I felt worried for him often,
being unable to afford shelter and food for himself, and I think I allowed myself to feel obligated
for his well-being and to take care of him, and knowing that I was one of the few people
that he had left to help and to count on. It was almost as if I was needing
to trust in creator and trust in spirit myself that he was going to be taken care of because that’s what he chose.
That’s how he chose to live his life was to put his full faith in Creator, and… yeah, it was a very difficult time. It was a difficult thing for me to do. Over time one of the the challenges
of living in community, and being in a different way of lifestyle,
begin to (I guess) wear down some of my housemates, as well as definitely
brought up some challenges for myself as well. And so after a while,
some of that resentment would start to build up. The service and of things, his being able to help me, started to kind of wind down a bit. The food started to become a bit more sparse. You could start to see that physical impact on Cedar, and mental and emotional impact is that he wasn’t able to eat as much. His energy started to fade.
With that kind of resentment that started to build up, it just created an energetic block
between Cedar and a lot of our community. So it was really hard to see him in those places
really not be able to get that support and love that I think he truly needed on a deeper level. The tensions really started to rise
after a while, and to the point where one of our community members asked Cedar to leave, and I think that was a really tough time,
and Cedar took it really hard because he had really shown up
in that place of love and service for us, and it was really unfortunate because I think
it challenged a lot of our deeper societal beliefs around helping people and people going to work, right? It’s kind of so engrained into us that
if people aren’t working that they’re lazy, or some other excuse that comes up. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ What’s life worth? ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ What’s love worth? ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ How much for the beauty in the mirror? ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ All those weights cannot measure ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ the value of love. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ No price for priceless. ♪♪ ♪♪ No price for priceless. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ No price for priceless. ♪♪ ♪♪ No price for priceless. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ That wasn’t the only thing either.
He had some restrictions on what foods
he could and could not eat either Dealing with celiac disease, for example.
Any any gluten would just shut him down, and there were those times
where some food would get contaminated, and it would really knock him out,
or lay him out, I should say. That he would be in severe pain; just really withdrawn during those times, and really not himself. And I think that kind of fed back
into that negative loop of like, “Why isn’t Cedar doing anything?” And in hindsight it’s like, well he had a serious
medical condition, and that was a big limiting factor. But I think that kind of built
into the the tensions and everything, and in which ultimately led to Cedar moving on,
and going somewhere else. Rather than giving up and returning to serving
a system that Cedar felt was corrupted with greed, Cedar continued on his strive to bring good
into the world through his own actions. He has to be like the only person I’ve never met in person that I actually genuinely worry about sometimes, and I worry about him in the same way
that I would worry about my kids. He doesn’t seem to worry about those things. He seems to have instead
chosen to not be conventional. The choices that he’s made
when it comes to being unconventional, and not playing the same game the rest of us are doing
(not doing the nine-to-five thing), not being a part of the rat race (so to speak); I think that those are brave choices,
and in a way I admire the choice because I think like, “Wow! That’s real freedom.” I also think like he must have
a really healthy amount of faith. I sometimes wonder like is it some sort of test? Is he testing himself by doing this? Is he testing society by doing it? Is he testing… God? ♫ ♫ ♫ May these words flow slow ♫ ♫ ♫ like sap flowing where my branches used to be.
♪♪ (I know they’re devils.) ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ (My only friends.) ♪♪ My self offered. ♫ ♫ ♫ My self taken. ♫ ♫ ♫ Give in and given, ♫ ♫ ♫ so a home could be created. ♫ ♫ ♫ Getting on this path of devotional service,
whether he knew it or not, was to really help him confront
a lot of abandonment that he had because he would be in service;
get that love and attention that he needed, and then once that resentment started building up
in what he would refer to, which i think is pretty brilliant, is these weights and measures
would start to accumulate, right? It’s like, “Oh, Cedar’s helped me for this
this and this, and I have given him this food and this place for this amount of time.” And so all these weights and measures
would start to build up, and so when that service whatever
would start to kind of slow down, then all of a sudden it’s like, “Oh! These all the…” It’s like you don’t want to give back in that way. ♫ ♫ ♫ If a tree burns in the forest, ♫ ♫ ♫ do you see the light? ♫ ♫ ♫ Or will it be ash by the time you arrive? ♫ ♫ ♫ So I think that for some people,
as I said before, it was scary to be in the presence
of such courage and trust. And it was a mirroring of,
“Well, where am I with that?”, right? “Where am i with that?” So I think that was the gift for every minute with Cedar
is to have a self-reflection. “How is my integrity, authenticity?
Where am i with that?” A sense of guilt I think is present in such devotion, and in a way this is the activism, right? It’s like, “what do you do to change the world
because that’s what I’m doing, and I am keeping the torch and holding the torch.” So I think for a lot of people
the reflection was overwhelming, and they couldn’t even function without thinking about, “What is Cedar doing now?” like, “Where is he now?” “Does he have enough to eat?
Shall I have been more gentle, taken my time off?” There was always this kind of
wave of love coming through, and I think for everyone that had this connection,
it’s like you have a vision that arrives and says, “Hey!” Like a genie coming out of the bottle,
“Hey! What are your wishes to be like Cedar today?” Right? mmm-hmm What would Cedar do? ♪♪ They point the way. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Salvation. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Like some angels ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ saving my day. ♪♪ So a lot of guilt about not matching, right? Not matching where we are with our talk. Are we walking the talk?
Are we talking the talk only, or are we really involved in what our words are carrying? I think it made them feel guilty when they weren’t supporting him fully, in the way that they should have, in the way that he needed ♪♪ Thirsty. So thirsty. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ Sleep was restless, continually awakened by the cries of the wicked begging for some mercy. ♫ ♫ ♫ Selfish prayers A prideful cacophony blasting God’s plan; the divine intervention. ♫ ♫ ♫ Repentance was offered, but they all held tight to their egos desires, denying their shadow. Cedar spent the winter of 2013 outside
of Phoenix, Arizona hosted by a new love affair. As with most of his companions
the relationship deteriorated quickly,
and Cedar returned once again to Seattle. ♫ ♫ ♫ No compassion. No true love. In returning, Cedar felt evermore disconnected from
the community that he had counted on in years prior, causing him additional hardships. ♫ ♫ ♫ Love one another is all they had to do. ♫ ♫ ♫ Not loving themselves, rejecting godly truth. There was that concern (at least for me).
I was like, “Where is Cedar going to go?” “What is he gonna do?”
“He has nowhere else to go at this time.”, “and what is he gonna eat,
especially being on such a limited diet?” I believe at that time he was staying in someone’s shed. Well I have known Cedar
having many issues (health issues), so even when offered food, there were some foods
that his body wasn’t able to process. So that was giving even a bigger gap between
healthy and unhealthy, and hungry and fed, right? So there were many challenging around being
physically healthy and maintaining the trust, and having the mind clear because that’s part of what we experience when we are fed and well taken care of. We are able to gain clarity. This back-and-forth between
-like wow- having this mystical week (because when you are fasting you’re really
purifying some mental and physical things that don’t really belong to your body),
and so there were those moments, and then the edge of it is like,
“Wow. I am very weak I can barely walk today.” Maybe, “I can’t meet today because
I am so weak so tired that I may fall asleep.” I watched Cedar go down on multiple occasions;
literally like his legs could not carry him anymore. He was starving, and at one point he was overheated, and I literally thought that he might die, and his physical health was in pretty bad shape. ♫ ♫ ♫ Healing work is very noble. It takes a lot of energy. You are expending a lot of yourself.
You have to give in order to get. So of course it will be mostly positive change
for whoever you were trying to do work for. This can however come with its own repercussions. If you are putting too much energy into
(let’s say) community as a whole, or maybe only you’re focusing
on a few people in your life, then you’re always going to be neglecting something. There’s always going to be… You can’t save the world. I feel like, for healing types like ourselves,
it’s very hard for us to remind ourselves of that, and sometimes it leaves us with a lot of guilt;
feeling like we could do more, but I feel like the guilt reminds us
that we’re kind of on the right path. ♫ ♫ ♫ While he was traveling around, doing his
service (trying to be in service to people), during this nomadic period,
he had to go through a lot of starvation-type scenarios. So he became very divorced from his body
because there was no food. If I ask Cedar, I’m like, “Are you hungry?”,
he’ll be like, “Well, hunger’s a strong word.” And I think that it comes mainly from his nomadic days where he was traveling around, and if he was hungry,
he had to ignore it. So he got good at ignoring his hunger. He’s totally lost contact with his body,
as far as “Am I hungry? Do I need food?” So if you didn’t put food in front of Cedar,
he would not eat. Plus when he’s creating art and stuff, he gets so focused
into the art that he is not even gonna think about food. He’s not even going to think about nourishing his body. The body is not all that important to Cedar, I think. The duality of Cedar’s experience
continued to create challenges for him. On one hand, he engaged more powerfully
in spiritual and service pursuits. On the other hand, he would need to overcome
his deep wounds that he had yet to address. ♫ ♫ ♫ Nobody should have to endure
this lonely wait for long, ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ and I wait, ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ cursing myself for being so early; ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ for being so overly sensitive to my anxieties, ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ and I thank myself for my integrity, ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ knowing that I have arrived early enough ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ to guarantee myself a ride home. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ During the spring of 2014, Cedar was ultimately forced
to face his continued depression and suicidal thoughts. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ He would later tell a unique story
of walking through death, ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ highlighting the great lessons
he had learned from his experience. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪ There looked over the edge of the bridge, and the voice of spirit was clear. “Jump.” Without hesitation, I leapt from the bridge. As in my first vision, I fell limply and quietly
to the ground, a good 60 feet below. My bones snapped, and my skin ruptured. A pool of blood flowed about me
as my final breath left me. ♪ Soon I was with spirit. ♫ I was shown my life; ♫ ♫ visions of all those who I had touched,
and who had touched me. ♫ ♫ ♫ The news of my death brought sadness to them, ♫ ♫ ♫ but through time and healing,
the impacts of my passing faded. ♫ ♫ ♫ Then a miracle occurred. It was one of the most rare known in the history of man. ♫ ♫ ♫ Spirit filled my corpse with life,
and I rose up to stand on the trail below. ♫ ♫ ♫ My blood still stained the ground, yet my body seemed to be as perfect as ever. ♫ ♫ ♫ Such a happening was far too inconceivable
for most to believe. ♫ ♫ ♫ One might have expected that such a miracle
would have a great impact in the world,
for many generations to come, but a cynical and faithless scientific world
would easily defeat such an influence. ♫ ♫ ♫ In the end, it affected even less
than my death itself. ♫ ♫ ♫ I then returned to a place beyond death;
a place of Nirvana. ♫ ♫ ♫ There was a perfect peace
that I had experienced in times before, and I resided in this restful state for a timeless eternity. ♫ ♫ ♫ It was all I had desired in the seeking of home, and though I was there forever, it was gone as soon as I had arrived. ♫ ♫ ♫ Spirit’s hand placed me atop the bridge. ♫ ♫ ♫ I heard three messages, clear as a bell. ♫ ♫ ♫ It takes more courage to live than it does to die. ♫ ♫ ♫ One can affect more in life than in death. ♫ ♫ ♫ You have another work to complete in life. Cedar was now attracting a fair amount of attention
as a spiritual teacher, and he attracted a number of students,
whom he sought to teach manifestation techniques. He also made great strides
in healing his own self-worth challenges His poetry of the time reflected much
about his experiences and lessons. My love will always flow to you. You are never without or alone. Through branches of cedar, only now, while rejection through a maple’s leaf is no honor. Be free in directing love, for the Beloved receives all the love you share,
no matter where. Despite his personal growth
by the time the summer of 2014 arrived, Cedar would again disengage from his community, and would spend several months struggling
with his own homelessness and unresolved wounds. ♫ ♫ ♫ Cedar’s challenges had not been limited
to living in transience. He had continued to be confronted by loneliness. Much of his poetry became focused on the seeking
of companionships and lessons about self-love. ♫ ♫ ♫ There’s nothing I need,
yet when I’m with you, I find something unique,
and no words will do to describe the energy,
if that’s what it is, like magnets held
in perfect balance. ♫ ♫ ♫ Perpetual motion,
except that it’s calm. More like chemicals
mixed just right. ♫ ♫ ♫ He engaged in numerous short relationships, with a
number of women, with varying degrees of seriousness. ♫ ♫ ♫ Super-viscous,
yet not heavy, and more stable,
a quantum-like state. ♫ ♫ ♫ Structure intangible;
made of just light; ♫ ♫ ♫ persistence awake. None of them had turned into anything long-term. Well here we go! The relationships are the curriculum
for this seeding of feeling abandoned, feeling left for something more important to do,
and definitely not understood. The depths of the feeling of connection is never met. There is an expectation also
that can never be really met in those moments, where the wounding is acting out. We are creating the scenario where
the abandonment is actually the lead player, right? It’s the actor, and we are kind of
working out our characters as secondary, to make sure that this is played out in the relationship. Again, Cedar’s just looking for love, acceptance. Trying to find a place where he belongs
in another person. Looking for love. Looking for love.
Love and acceptance. To find someone who is true; who treats him well; who gives him the care
that he didn’t get when he was a child. After living with patterns of seeking the validation and
appreciation of others through romantic relationships, time spent alone began to teach Cedar true self love. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Have you forgotten ♪♪ ♪♪ the miracles we saw, ♪♪ ♪♪ the love we shared, ♪♪ ♪♪ and the perfect world ♪♪ ♪♪ we created together? ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Days have passed, ♪♪ ♪♪ seeming like years, ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ and memory denies ♪♪ ♪♪ what had occurred. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Remember my name, ♪♪ ♪♪ while I try to erase ♪♪ ♪♪ all memories of you. ♪♪ He would find that his relationships
would transform as he did. He continued to have romantic encounters,
but they were of a different nature from then on. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Let go as you drown ♪♪ ♪♪ in your illusions, hopes, and fears. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ What will you be upon my return? ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Will you see me passing you on the street, ♪♪ ♪♪ or do I now just blend
with the other sleeping beings? ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ (sigh) ♪♪ Losing my nature,
and forgetting the love we once exchanged. ♪♪ He finally seemed able to take responsibility
for the love within himself, which became much more attractive to others than the
desperation that he had formerly operated with. And what is this
feeling in my heart Longing and aching
each moment we’re apart Always so alone
even when we’re together Marriage that does bind us
in joined misery forever Compromising self
and those we love most In the name of attachment
making true love a ghost By the end of October in 2014,
Cedar had published two more books; “Spiritual Slut – Lamentations & Love Songs by Cedar
Branches” and “Love of a Mystic”. We work away our days
a material life that is crude Our energy supplies
so quickly depleted Used to pay interest
in this debt we are seated None left for our children
who justify our actions A claimed form of love
never gaining any traction For the world we leave them
will be a hell on earth A global toxic prison
is what this pattern will birth I can live any story that I can believe
so what is this regret that I now perceive The story that I’d choose would be so much more
just to look in your eyes and feel deep to your core Let’s create a love story The well of creation that was sourced
from that shattered place, and so what happens is: I could see Cedar look in the shattered piece of wood,
that was himself in a way, and pulling out magic; the magic that comes from these breaks
that we experience in life. So that was the sourcing actually,
and bringing those to the light. So all these hidden places that are deep in the crack
-deep in the wood- They were flying up as they were invited to be created. Cedar also eventually attracted a companion,
who took him under her wing for some time. And then Cedar found love, and that was the first time that I really believed that there was a real together-ness that was gonna last. And I think that this was the place where there was a lot of affirmation and support, and feeling oh, things may change. That was a relationship that carried him
for a really long time, and also eventually led him to traveling a bunch. Together they traveled the Western
Hemisphere in spiritual service, including journeys to Mexico, Peru, Canada
and different areas of the US. After what felt like a few years
of unworkability of mostly cold and suffering and from islands of security, Cedar met somebody,
and that was a good period I thought because they were able to travel to Peru
a number of times. Cedar had a safe and secure
place to live, food to eat, and he was able to extend his shamanistic work
from a base of operations, and I thought that was great. Eventually Cedar and his companion moved to Peru together where they produced “Spirit Work, Too”,
a sequel to his first book. The book the book documented many of Cedar’s stories, as well as his journeys with his companion,
up to the very end of their relationship. After only four months together in Peru,
the relationship came to an end, and cedar returned to the US,
now landing him in North Carolina. The last time they went to Peru, it didn’t work out,
and Cedar came back, again roaming; no place to be, specifically or consistently. And then there’s kind of a different stage of Cedar again, right? And so he went through this period of really relying on community in supporting him, and for the community
receiving support from him as well. And then not having that anchor of one person supporting him,
so it really pushed him back into.community and I think a different level (or layer)
of his artistic endeavor started to kick up as well. ♪♪ She said I’m yours. ♪♪ Cedar spent a number of months
in service-oriented work, and ultimately returned to his father’s home
in Washington State. ♫ ♫ ♫ While visiting his father
in Eastern Washington State, Cedar set out
to renew and evolve his creative expression. Doing art and doing healing (spiritual healing),
these are all methods through which we can cope with these things from the past
that have formed us to who we are now. In August and September of 2017,
Cedar produced a 14-poem, spoken-word album titled “Wander”. His poems expressed
a wide variety of his experiences over the years, and rekindled an expanded interest in his art. ♪♪ Though it felt the bliss would never end ♪♪ ♪♪ the winter is clearly upon me again. ♪♪ Just after the release of his album,
he departed from his father’s home, and returned once again
to the streets of Seattle, Washington. Now he was on a mission to bring healing to a community and a home that he deeply cared about. ♪♪ I do not want to identify with the guest of sadness on the doorstep ♪♪ Cedar considered that live spoken word performance might be the new way to bring his messages of love and unity
back into the local consciousness. So this is right around the time that he
came back, with an eye towards what kind of performances he could do
that would net him enough money (maybe not to get a place), but to at least travel, be able to pay for lodging, be able to pay for his own food, and live the life of an artist, with the support that he needed to have the basics fundamentally met. And I think that’s like a shift that I saw on him over time. It’s like, I think he realized,
“I can only do so much in service to others.” He had a focus on some of his own work. It really helped him, in a kind of a painful way, to realize that he needed to really call upon his inner self, and strength and believing in himself
in a way that no one else may have believed in him. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Shoulders of giants ♪♪ While living on the streets,
Cedar developed his spoken word routine, and performed his first live spoken word show
in October of 2017. ♫ ♫ ♫
(microphone click) (music changes)
♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ There I was on my own bed ♪♪
my own bed staring deeply into the eyes ♪♪ staring deeply into the eyes of death. ♪♪ ♪♪ Many thoughts and memories came ♪♪ ♪♪ in an instant (or was it many hours?). ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Those I love and those who love me; ♪♪ ♪♪ I could let them go for this pure bliss, ♪♪ ♪♪ for we are never apart in Heaven, ♪♪ ♪♪ and their sadness would soon pass. ♪♪ He had a show (a spoken word poetry reading) up in Bellingham to release it was a day ♪♪ …were simple enough to release. ♪♪ ♪♪ They would fade along with my body, ♪♪ ♪♪ and be washed away through sacrifice. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ Performance opportunities proved to be rare however, and Cedar continued to struggle with homelessness. As the winter set in,
he was forced to leave Seattle to find shelter. He sought out a new place to stay
in Longview, Washington. family I could leave this ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Happily, I could leave this body behind, ♪♪ ♪♪ for when it I would only ever die, ♪♪ ♪♪ and to be in a body so very persistent ♪♪ ♪♪ is a reward life never grants anyone. ♪♪ In his first days in December, Cedar completed work
on his second poetry album, “Heal”, and moved immediately into creating
“Shadows Illuminated”,
which he released on Christmas Day. It would come to be his debut in music production. He touted his album as “poetry dancing.” ♫ ♫ ♫ Cedar was dedicated to bringing the deep
messages within his art piece to others, and new the creation of the music album
was only the beginning. The next step would be to bring it to the stage
as a live performance. And I witnessed Cedar’s compulsion to share his story, for himself (for his healing), and to make a significant contribution to society. When January hit, he returned to the streets of Seattle
to begin developing a stage musical. From there he began to concept and work on
“Shadows Illuminated”, which was going to be concepted as a show
that he could put on in any given location, as many times as he needed. ♫ ♫ ♫ The next four months were entirely dedicated
to making it happen. It was a really fun, and again,
kind of a hard time to support Cedar through. And, one because
he didn’t have a consistent place to stay he would help and support people and be in service, but also he really had this project in mind
that he wanted to to get done. Initially when hearing about, it was like,
“I don’t want to shoot Cedar down.” “He is really excited about this,
and really passionate about it,” and like I had my doubts. The creation of this piece brought him a lot of energy
(I would say divine energy), and everything else was pretty weak. I would see that many of the times we rehearsed,
Cedar didn’t have anything to eat for a few days, and was basically running
on coffee and rolled tobacco. There was a ton of work involved: daily practices, weekly rehearsals, adapting the music to a storyline format, developing show choreography, marketing, website building, and running a blog to attract attention. Most importantly was the process
of generating community support for his project, and keeping people inspired enough that they would follow through with their various contributions. ♫ ♫ ♫ So we would have two steps forward and
(it seemed at times) four steps back. Something that would always end up coming up. He would have a lead, and it would end up falling apart. At first Cedar conducted most of his efforts
while living in the wind. He floated from one place to another,
while working diligently away on his computer,
and doing his rehearsals in public spaces. I just saw Cedar’s commitment; how much he practiced, and it seemed like every time I was with him
or he was staying with us, he was practicing. Soon Cedar came down with a bout of bronchitis, which caused him to lose his voice for many days. He sought out temporary shelter south of Seattle,
and bussed into the city once a week for rehearsals. Cedar managed to bring his efforts to completion
at the end of April, 2018. ♫ ♫ ♫ Sure enough, just over time, it was really amazing that things started to pull together, and he got a venue to do his performance, and (all the sudden) he got some help for people doing a light show, and he fucking pulled it off, and I don’t know how he did it. The performance was held at a small venue
to a small number of attendees, most of which who had been contributors
to the show’s creation. The feedback on the performance
was overwhelmingly positive. It was really beautiful. There was a good amount
of the community that really showed up for this, and I think that really kicked off his own
internal spark and passion . There was a lot about consciousness, and bringing to consciousness awareness
of the depths of the homeless. If we were to dig a little bit, we would see
an enormous amount of life events and experiences that we would all be enriched by. Every person in the audience felt touched by parts
of the story that they themselves went through, and yet the setting was a person from the street. ♪♪ I am shaken. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Illuminated. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Illuminated. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ I am taken. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ The awareness of homelessness,
and abandonment, and disconnect it became a weaving of the flame for people
that were experiencing the movement, the intensity, and then the ripple effect of
one song into the other, and then the silence. ♪♪ True love… ♪♪ Every witness is part of our work,
as we created it through them, for them; thinking that they might understand
what the being is expressing. This is reconnection.
It was a reconnection within for Cedar himself. So it was really through the individual
finding the connection in the collective audience. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ And it’s hard to hear a yes ♪♪ I could feel it after the show.
Like the way people didn’t want to leave. They were already stuck together. Like. “Oh, my goodness! We’re sharing this experience.” I think it’s the desire for connection
that was really revealed. A lot of people came together,
and helped him with that. I think that was incredibly gratifying to him.
It showed the support of a small dedicated community, and it just didn’t scale economically. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Illuminated ♪♪ ♪♪ As I am taken. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ After many months of doing his best to use his artwork
to inspire community support in Seattle, Cedar remained homeless and hungry,
with nowhere left to turn. The momentum of his “Shadows
Illuminated” project ended abruptly, and he was forced to seek greener pastures elsewhere. He took the show proceeds,
and boarded a bus to Eureka Springs, Arkansas, where he hoped to develop
the next evolution of his stage show. He had been invited in a service opportunity there, and a flourishing artistic community there seemed to be aligned with creating a new future in stage performance. Despite his high hopes,
his welcome proved to be quite temporary, and he was again forced to move on
before he could branch into the local art scene. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Plantation master ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ had ’em in line. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Bought their freedom. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Ten dollar and a dime. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ Before departing however, Cedar managed to release
his fourth album, “Descended Masters”, along with a number of music videos
to accompany his new music. I think because Cedar’s
living situation was so precarious that it created an urgency for him
to create as much as he could while he could. He was bound and determined to create his art; to express himself; to live his life the way he felt it should be lived. It seems to me like he’s always
working on something. He never stops. He’s like a shark -like an idea shark-. As soon as he’s consumed one idea, he’s on to the next. So if he stops, he dies. I think he aspires to be great and leave a mark on history. Ultimately I think it’s a grand aspiration. ♪♪ …away. ♪♪ ♪♪ They were trying to find peace. ♪♪ ♪♪ They were trying to cease. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ They said it was all good; about love of Self, ♪♪ ♪♪ but now they don’t even exist. ♪♪ Well all the time was dedicated
to artistic creation -every moment-! There was this ability to focus.
This was actually the center of his life. It was really a clarity of goal. ♫ ♫ ♫ And I’m gonna do it, and I’m doing it, and done! And the flow -the flow- is a
practice like anything else. So I believe that because of the freedom
in detaching from all material things, there was an obligation, that was from the heart,
to be accountable for the creative source. ♫ ♫ ♫ I feel like his living situation and his experiences absolutely helped in his artistic creations. He has a depth and an awareness of social,
cultural, political, and spiritual influence on our society on our minds and behavior, and I do believe that his artistic creations
are bolstered by his difficulties and arduous journey. Not very many take that path. The collection demonstrated a period where
Cedar seemed to be searching for his true voice. “Descended Masters” turned out
to be a broad mixture of components. It featured a variety of songs,
incorporating many genres and influences. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ It’s my world; ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ my echo chamber. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ Cedar hitched a ride back West with
another traveler, which would mark the beginning
of a months-long stretch of continuous travels
all over the western United States. During his adventures living on the road,
Cedar continued creating music,
and released his fifth album, “Zenth Dimension”. ♫ ♫ ♫ “Zenth Dimension” showed off the skills
he had developed in composing and mixing music. Featuring an old-school psychedelic, electronica sound, and incorporating spoken word lyrics,
it was very different. It was apparent that Cedar was seeking
to create something completely new,
and to continue growing as an artist. Cedar then embarked on a series
of musical collaborations,
which would dominate his focus for many months He would produce two EPs, and a number of single releases. The first EP was titled “Speaking Spirit”. In this EP, Cedar delved into electronic dance music. I wanted to put singing light-language to music, and it’s something I had been wanting to do
for many years, and didn’t know how to go about it. We were able to finish that project,
and not only did we have a lot of fun, but the the end product was pleasing,
to both of us I think. Oh, my goodness!
It was the easiest weaving ever recorded. I have experienced this kind of
collaboration on the spot, right; spontaneously, “Uh, Ines would you like
to join us on stage?” And then I’m behind the microphone, close my eyes,
go into trance, and then here it is -and it’s magical-. And so to be able to use technology,
and still keep the magical going, for me was another felt experience of how it’s possible. It is possible. He distributed the EP to ecstatic dance
venues throughout the United States; to help bring exposure to light language healers, and to help bring their unique healing modality
to a broader audience. Cedar was quickly becoming quite prolific, and was beginning to make waves
with his online social presence. Meanwhile, Cedar had been sleeping in a barn, in below freezing temperatures, and had fallen terribly ill. When I first met him, he was visiting a client of mine,
and he was very, very sick. He’d been sleeping in an environment
filled with black mold, very, very cold temperatures, and not eating;
near death (pretty close). He was coughing extremely, slept a lot,
could barely speak, very weak, and my client asked me to make him better. “Feed Cedar. Make Cedar better.” He was just busy-busy-busy creating-creating-creating. even being as sick as he was. His newest music video for “Desert Twisted” attracted the attention of a pair of professional musicians in the UK, Deborah Harris and Innes Reid,
of Mws and Shifty Chicken Shed. They formed an international band called Cedar Mws. Marc Turkel soon joined as a guitarist from Seattle, and the band was soon putting out one song-after-another. So a little bit of time went by,
and then finally Cedar got in touch with me. He was living somewhere
in Oregon or southern Washington, and he said, “Hey. I’m doing this project. I’m working with some guys that are over in the UK,
a saxophone player and a guitar player, and I have this track that I’m submitting to them, but if you want to contribute some guitar tracks to it,
I’ll see what I can use and include those.” Cedar had said something along the lines of, “Well Marc, the train’s leaving the station,
and if you want to be on the train great, but it’s leaving the station.
So send me some tracks, and send them fairly quickly.” Well after I sent him the second round of tracks,
he had said to me (Cedar is like), “Whoa! You just completely reconfigured this particular song. Those were exactly what I needed.” He sent me (in text) a file to listen to. I remember sitting there kind of skeptically and apprehensively, waiting to hear what it was, and it came on, and it just… It just blew my mind. I remember standing up,
and I had this expression on my face like, “What the fuck just happened?!?
What did I just hear?” The track was so good! As this was all happening, Cedar was running out of his welcome at the place that he was staying, and he wanted to come stay with me,
and I was like -gung ho- yes. And it turned out that
this was gonna be a couple of weeks because (sooner than later)
Cedar Mws was going to fly Cedar to the UK so that they could rehearse a bunch of the material that they had done, and get a bunch of live gigs. but once he came over to the house,
there was another background track he had. It would turn out to be “Is This Song”. I was tasked with putting this guitar part down, and Cedar really challenged me to stretch out on this, which I did. I was very happy with the way that it turned out,
and it was intense. I mean this would be kind of the way
that Cedar and I would work, which was basically to sleep wake up, drink a lot of coffee, smoke a lot of weed, and get to work. Then we’d listen to the track,
I’d get some input into the track, but mostly Cedar would fine tune the track,
throw some elements into it, and come back with some genius alchemy
in the final mix. It was the first time that Cedar produced music
using live instrumentation, which proved to be a major evolution in his craft. It brought a whole new level to what was possible, and the resulting psychedelic rock sound was increasingly popular with his growing fanbase. Mws had planned on bringing Cedar to the UK to build a tour, and see if they could gain some traction in that market, but the band had second thoughts
as the date approached. They ultimately backed out. After we did “Is This Song”,
we’d sent another track over for collaboration, and didn’t get a response for a while. They sent a terse communication to Cedar
that they were complete. They were done. One was completely out, and the other one
was not drawing such a fine line in the sand, but very non-communicative;
not necessarily a great communication. Within a couple of days, Cedar and me really groked
that Cedar Mws (as a unit) was over, and that it wasn’t gonna happen.
That ate up a couple of days. I think Cedar was beside himself that this wasn’t gonna happen. I was very disappointed. and those dreams of playing out in the UK went poof. In a desperate bid to resolve his urgent situation,
Cedar stopped all production work with Cedar Mws, and partnered with Mark Turkel
to begin building a more local band. I just thought, “Let’s keep working. Let’s do the best we can, and eventually this thing is gonna work out.” We decided to start our own band. So it was just gonna be me and him.
That’s how him and I began working together. And we set about making some music. The first track that we did together was called “Teetering”. It was all about Cedar teetering on a Ledge. After that we identified another partner.
This was part of the genius of Q. Tune!. We were going to identify
different partners to work with. The next one was Melanie Raven.
She played synth and had fantastic voice. So she wrote a song. She contributed track with her vocals, and with her synth in it. It was great! Off we went producing “Demise of Love”. When I initially heard the title of the song,
I felt inspired to talk about the actual demise of love, especially in our current time period,
(I guess) hookup culture, or whatever you want to call it, and it involves a lot of what
Cedar and I have talked about ourselves. It came out in a really interesting way too, because it was like two people
having a conversation within the song, too; to one each other, expressing disappointment (I guess) like a metaphor of a romantic situation, but also like speaking in general, as well about many relationships now and how love is treated nowadays. I feel like it’s an important message.
Also really cool synth-rock. Cedar and Marc continued creating music under the moniker of Q. Tune!, a post rock duo that released three singles before the two had a falling out, and stopped producing music together I think Cedar was (again) very disappointed in how it had gone with Cedar Mws; that he didn’t go to the UK, and had some fundamental questions about
how we’re gonna make this work, and rightfully so. The details about what happened next are relatively insubstantial. There was a mix-up about files,
or where they were located, or who was willing to do what to locate them,
or what-have-you. I don’t think that’s what really was going on.
I think what was really going on is that what was important to Cedar was
to find some sustainable way of life. And then what happened was the breakup of the band,
while I was away on the East Coast. Once again Cedar found himself at a dead-end road,
and now seemed to have nowhere left to turn. He left the Seattle area and sought
temporary refuge in Longview, Washington, the same place he had created
“Shadows Illuminated” one year prior. Cedar boarded a train headed out of Seattle,
one final time. Cedar arrived to the Kelso train station at closing time.
♪♪ Is this what I’ve been living for? ♪♪ It was raining, and the station attendant was locking up.
♪♪ What I’ve been dying for? ♪♪ It was a several mile walk from the train station
to the house where Cedar would be staying.
♫ ♫ ♫ He was burdened by a 50-pound backpack,
all of his worldly possessions,
♥♪♪ Heaven is humbled by you. ♪♪♥ as well as his feelings
of hopelessness, betrayal, and abandonment.
♥♪♪ By you. ♪♪♥ He was tired, weak, and unmotivated;
penniless, and seemingly at a new rock-bottom.
♥♪♪ Heaven was created for you. ♪♪♥ He searched for ideas.
♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ Cedar then remembered his friend’s personal assistant,
♥♪♪ For you. ♪♪♥ whom he had met a few months earlier
during a short visit.
♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ When he had met her the first time, he was terribly ill,
and she had done her best to nurse him back to health.
♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ When we met, we would walk the park;
(Lake Sacajuwea), and talk;
♥♪♪ I must’ve died. ♪♪♥ and have those talks
that I wanted to have when we first met.
♥♪♪ In heaven here in your eyes. ♪♪♥ We didn’t get to have those talks.
♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ We went out to Yaquina Bay, and walked the trails, and walked the labyrinth, enjoyed the art, and had a picnic.
♥♪♪ Elevated love. Prema love. ♪♪♥ We went to Willow Grove, and explored the beach
♥♪♪ And the bluebird sings. ♪♪♥ I made him put his feet in the ocean.
♥♪♪ Yeah that bluebird sings. ♪♪♥ He complained every step of the way,
but that was his favorite picture.
♥♪♪ In this heaven humbled by you. ♪♪♥ We had some ceremonies (we did some ceremonies).
It was Christmas-time.
♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ We decorated the tree,
and we opened presents on Christmas Day.
♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ ♥♪♪ Yeah this heaven bows before you. ♪♪♥ Hokey stuff, but it was so much fun. (laughs)
♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ ♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ Most importantly, Anne showed Cedar
authentic love and compassion.
♥♪♪ Is this what we’ve been waiting for? ♪♪♥ ♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ I was the love that he was looking for.
♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ ♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ It made all the difference, having somebody who loved and supported, and cared for him;
♥♪♪ What we’ve been dying for? ♪♪♥ ♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ ♥♪♪ Here in your eyes. ♪♪♥ fed his soul, made him happy,
♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ ♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ ♥♪♪ Home at last. ♪♪♥ gave him hope.
♥♪♪ Here in your eyes. ♪♪♥ ♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ It’s just gotten deeper.
♥♪♪ Heaven. ♪♪♥ ♥♪♪ Within you and I. ♪♪♥ I feel I’m learning more about what it means to love unconditionally.
♥♪♪ I must’ve died. ♪♪♥ ♥♪♪ Here in your eyes. ♪♪♥ He’s full of love. Cedar’s full of love.
♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ It’s not hard to love that at all.
♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ ♥♪♪ Cause this heaven. ♪♪♥ But it’s challenging because
♥♪♪ Was created for you. ♪♪♥ ♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ he’s a mirror to me too, like he is to everybody.
♥♪♪ And this heaven is humbled. ♪♪♥ I’m his angel. He says I’m his angel.
♥♪♪ By you. ♪♪♥ ♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ Cedar and Anne left Washington State, and set out
on a journey into their new life together.
♥♪♪ It bows before you. ♪♪♥ They would make their way to Texas, where Cedar would complete a new solo album titled, “So⎀lʘne”,
♥♪♪ Elevated love. ♪♪♥ and where he continues to develop his art career and to find ways to be in service to this day.
♥♪♪ That Prema love. ♪♪♥ ♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ ♥♪♪ And the bluebird sings. ♪♪♥ We followed the Oregon Coast down, saw beautiful sunrises, beautiful coast, visited friends along the way,
♥♪♪ Yeah that bluebird sings. ♪♪♥ went to Sedona, built an altar, and as soon as we did that (as soon as we walked away),
♥♪♪ For you. ♪♪♥ spirit came and (motions slap and laughs)
♥♪♪ Here in your eyes. ♪♪♥ Since we’ve been here we’re creating a new community,
and Cedar’s performing live.
♥♪♪ Home at last here in your eyes. ♪♪♥ He does really well.
♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ ♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ He’s very good.
♥♪♪ In this heaven. ♪♪♥ ♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ People like him.
♥♪♪ Within you and I. ♪♪♥ ♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ I think they’re impressed.
♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ ♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ ♥♪♪ Is this what I’ve been living for? ♪♪♥ ♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ ♥♪♪ Yeah this is what I’ve been dying for. ♪♪♥ ♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ ♥♪♪ Yeah this love worth dying for. ♪♪♥ ♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ ♥♪♪ Yeah this love worth dying for. ♪♪♥ ♥♫♥♫♥♫♥ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ We… we’re all wounded. ♪♪ ♪♪ We’ve all lost something. ♪♪ ♪♪ Someone, sometime, somewhere. ♪♪ ♪♪ We’re all scared. ♪♪ ♪♪ Sad, aching. ♪♪ The most inspiring of Cedar’s path
is that Cedar did it his way. He did what he wanted to do. He didn’t do
what society said, “Oh, you’re supposed to do this.” It makes me put more faith in spirit, and letting spirit guide me, rather than trying to use my head, or what I’ve been told to do in my life. Don’t be a drone (laughs).
Don’t be afraid to be unique. Don’t be afraid! Follow your path that you want to follow.
Follow your convictions. Follow your dreams. ♪♪ What’s to believe in? ♪♪ ♪♪ What’s to believe in? ♪♪ ♪♪ If you don’t believe in love, ♪♪ ♪♪ What’s to believe in? ♪♪ ♪♪ What’s to believe in? ♪♪ It was beautiful to me to put life
in full faith of a higher power, to how I learned to take care of me,
and to walk my days in my fully heart’s desire, with no ‘shoulds’ or ‘have-tos’ in my way, and as a result of his influence on me, my consciousness expanded to hold greater possibility for positive change for my life, and led me to see the magic in the present moment, creating meaning from the mundane. ♪♪ We’re all one pain reflected. ♪♪ Well I feel like he’s somebody
that you can talk to about anything, and even the things that make you feel vulnerable;
that you’re not comfortable with. You can talk to Cedar about them, and with him
I feel like it’s all this sense of acceptance. What is is what it is, but what he’s very good at
is putting things in a different light, and allowing you to contemplate a different perspective. With him I feel like here’s somebody
who’s really kind-of stripped it down to the bone, and there’s the truth. It’s a gift. ♪♪ If life don’t have no love, ♪♪ ♪♪ what’s to live for? ♪♪ ♪♪ What are you living for? ♪♪ I definitely feel that Cedar’s contributions
are absolutely invaluable to probably most of the people
that have come across his path. He’s so genuine, and he speaks from the heart,
and out of complete non-judgmental-ism, and that’s hard to find these days, And he’s just inspiring. He inspires people. He takes the seemingly impossible, and
makes it look possible, and fairly easily (laughs). How can that not be inspiring?!? ♪♪ You share your light. ♪♪ ♪♪ Cause we’re all worthy of you. ♪♪ ♪♪ You’re what we live for. ♪♪ ♪♪ That’s what we live for. ♪♪ Very unique. Very original in all his creation and his life, which is not very often to really bump into people
that have a new way of living their uniqueness. So I think that Cedar is one of the of these very few that will remain and change anyone that comes in contact. Let’s say, “Countdown ten minutes with Cedar,” and -boom-. -Boom- you will be there.
It will change part of their life. So it’s kind of miraculous.
Don’t you think? ♫ ♫ ♫ The other thing is, is the generosity of
spirit that Cedar showed was amazing. Having the opportunity to work in music, and express myself musically was really for me as human being missing. It was something that I wanted with all my heart. Cedar knowing this had developed a talent and a skill and the generosity to include me. It was like he breathed life into my very soul. And for that, no matter whatever happens or happened,
I will forever be appreciative, and I will forever laud the generosity of his heart for making that difference for me,
as a friend, as a human being. He gave me what I needed
to get past my own mental block, and he gave me that gift so that I could stand on the shoulders of what we created together, and now branch out into the world however I choose to. ♪♪ Someone else. ♪♪ ♪♪ An ideal. ♪♪ ♪♪ False ego. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ Now I’m present to love, for my friend Cedar. I’m present to the contribution was that he is to countless others throughout time. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ An abundance of worth. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ We’d just be. ♪♪ ♪♪ Why’d you go? ♪♪ ♪♪ Leave me alone? ♪♪ I don’t feel like he would have accomplished as much
if his circumstances were different. I feel like his circumstances were what drove him
to do everything he was and is doing now. I can say that from having seen him blossom, and having him take the trauma he’s endured,
and convert it into something beautiful. I’ll always remember the light that he’s helped me to obtain; the light that he’s given other people. ♪♪ Imagine you with me. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ When did you turn ♪♪ ♪♪ into someone else; ♪♪ ♪♪ into someone else? ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ When I think about Cedar’s story, I can’t help to realize (or just to think about) where we’re at in society, and how that there are so many other people that are in jobs, or in a situation that they’re not fulfilled by. They’ve pursued this idea of the American Dream,
and on a deeper level, it’s just not very fulfilling. ♪♪ …smiles without a fee. ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Who turned you ♪♪ ♪♪ into someone else; ♪♪ ♪♪ into someone’s lie? ♪♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ To have Cedar have this deep commitment; it really forced a lot of us
to challenge our own beliefs around a lot of things (I think) mental health, and homelessness, and physical health, and how how can we truly support people to leading (living) like deeper, more fulfilling lives. and that he’s taken that plunge, and he’s shown us that it’s possible to not live in a way
that’s gonna suck the soul out of you. And I think that’s finally settling in for people. Like, “Holy shit! This guy has done so much in his life without working in a conventional way.” So I see his work and see his devotion,
and think it’s I think it’s really beautiful, and it’s kind of a rare gem in my mind. ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪♪ Release deception. ♪♪ ♪♪ Breathe free. ♪♪ ♪♪ Be you with me. ♪♪ Well thank you, Cedar.
Thank you for all your work, brother. Thank you for all the love that you’ve given, the hardship that you’ve endured, and for showing us that there’s something different, and something better can be possible, and things don’t have to be perfect. You’ve shown us how to be resourceful,
and to use what we have, and to not allow
those little mental blocks to get in the way. You’ve really shown us that
you can still make things happen, if you really truly believe in yourself,
and in a greater vision, that that’s gonna carry you through. And may that momentum of your passion, and love,
and vision for a better way of life continue. ♪

2 thoughts on “The Art of The Wound (Full Movie)

  1. Cedar, you continue to be a most interesting human bean. You manage to do things that, if done by the average person would be terrible, and make them into an unexpected revelation by seeming to break almost every rule to express that something that you need – and therefore assume your audience requires too. 🙂

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