[♫ Marching band version of “Die Young” by Ke$ha ♫] [Princess Elise] Hi! [Elise] Hi! (giggling) [Elise] Oh my gosh… [Elise] You guys are too much… [Random Citizen] Princess, sign my birth certificate!
[Elise] You guys are too much… [Random Citizen] Take my house! [Random Citizen] Sign my tax forms! [Random Citizen] Sign my toes! [Random Citizen] My bed is made of scorpions. [A Different Random Citizen] …What? [Yet Another Random Citizen] You should get that fixed! [Elise] Wow, this fire is so bright. Beautiful. [Elise] I can’t stop looking at it. [Elise] Woah. [Unknown person] Oh God! [Elise] It’s like it’s spinning within me. [Elise] Oh shit, that’s outside— [Elise] —outside of me. Okay. Yes. I’m good! [Priest] Princess, you had a That’s So Raven vision once more. [Elise] Oh no, I just day-dreamed. I’m here—for the people. [Priest] Alright, well, let’s get litty in this bitch. [Priest] Light that bitch up right now. [Elise] I will light this bitch up, right now. [Priest] Thank you, Princess. We’re gonna get higher than a kite tonight! [Elise] It’s lit, fam. (crowd cheers) [Chase] Oh man, I hope somebody fucks up the fireworks. [Elise] Thanks guys~ [Elise] Ah! [Robots] We are the robots! Please freeze!
There’s too much weight. [Robots] Please freeze! [Robots] Please freeze! [Robot] Am I doing this right? It’s my first day on the job. Please freeze. [Dr. Eggman] (chuckling) Urh huh huh heh heh. [Eggman] Why, hello there, young princess! [Eggman] Do you like my outfit? My four nipples? [Eggman] Now— you must acquire me by getting on this boat right now! [Eggman] Not the boat— my ship! [Eggman] Gimme this— [Eggman] You have the Chaos Emerald! [Eggman] In your hands! [Eggman] Gimme that shit right now or I’m gonna rip it off you my goddamn self. [Eggman] Give it to me! [Elise] Uh, how about no? Hehe. [Eggman] Oh. You’d rather do this the hard way. [Eggman] Well, then it looks like we’re gonna- [Eggman] Wait, those aren’t tornadoes, this isn’t Arizona! [Eggman] What’s happening?! [Sonic the Hedgehog] My! That’s a pretty snazzy performance there. [Elise] Eh?! [Sonic] HmMMmMm… [Eggman] Get that goddamn hedgehog!
(gunfire) (gunfire) [Sonic] Hyah! I’m going down! [Robot] Oh my God, he’s an acrobat! [Sonic] I’m gonna kill all of you! [Sonic] And… poke! [Robot] (anguished robot scream) [Sonic] Oh, don’t fall! [Sonic] HAHA, HA [Sonic] O N E ! [Laughter] [Sonic] Come on, Elise. [Eggman] Sonic, where do you think you’re going you motherfucking– [Eggman] Oh! He’s cockblocking me! Get him! [Sonic] You’re never gonna get me~! [Sonic] Don’t worry, Eggman’s an egghead. [Eggman] What did you call me?! [Silver] Oh, I should… uh… [Silver] I-I guess he’s got it handled. [Silver] I’ll just… I mean it’d be really awkward if I walked in now, so… (wheezing laughter) [Penny Parker’s cover of “His World”]
Well, it’s been a while, but we’re ready to go ‘Cause now the fandub has started
and we’re ready to show We got the good bits poppin’
And our microphones Throw ’em right back!
Get into the flow! Come on and get yourself together,
There’s no time to quit, ‘Cause when you put the time in,
You’ll be in laughing fits! Here comes a running gag in this dub:
[unintelligible] So if you wanna get in,
Best bring the bits! We can’t stop now, rock and roll! Don’t stop now, come on and rock and roll! In this dub No lines to throw In this dub Never stop or slow! When you quip without a script you’ll find It’s not funny all the time But if we never try we’ll never know! Watch yourself, watch yourself
Don’t wait around! Watch yourself, watch yourself
Don’t wait around! Just say what pops in your head Then go! [Sonic] Are you okay, princess? Whoa! [Robots] Gotta kill— [Sonic] No, you can’t kill anybody. Especially not me! [Sonic] No, you can’t kill anybody. Especially not me!
[Robot] Oh my god, I have a family. [Sonic] Huh?! It sounds like you’re getting taken away! [Eggman] Yes, Sonic, I got ‘cha bitch! I got her in the palm of my hands! [Sonic] Put her down, Eggman! [Eggman] You put yourself down. [Eggman] I’m taking her AND the Chaos Emeralds. [Eggman] I’m taking her AND the chaos emeralds.
[Elise] Take it! [Elise] Houee! [Sonic] I’m gonna drop it, Elise, no! [Sonic] Oh, thank God. Okay, I’ll rescue you. Don’t worry. [Eggman] No, you won’t. [Sonic] I will! [Elise] Take it, be good. [Eggman] I’m taking her back to my ship and you’ll never see her again, Sonic. You’ll be dead. [Eggman] 10,000 years, Sonic! [Eggman] 10,000 years!
[Sonic] You won’t even live for then— ten thousand years. [Eggman] Then thousand years! [Sonic] Said the— Don’t make fun of me! [Eggman] Wow, Sonic, go read a book or something. See ya, idiot. [Sonic] I can read very well, actually. [Sonic] No! [Sonic] Well, that smarts. [Eggman] Dumbass. (gunfire) [Shadow the Hedgehog] Dang robots— always taking my job of being bland. [Shadow] How’d I blow you up? How’d I blow YOU up? [Shadow] I have some powers I need to kind of adjust to. Anyway— oh crap, light! [Shadow] Hey. [Shadow] Wristband. Tell me my future. [Wristband] It’s me. The GUN soldier that’s talking to you. [Wristband] Your future is: Undetermined. [Shadow] Well, that’s pretty lame. I spent like $20 on you. [Shadow] Anyway, I’m gonna break into— [Shadow] WHOA! [laughter] [Shadow] Well, that was weird. Dematerializing, rematerializing. [Shadow] Anyway, Rouge, that’s a nice purple you have there. [Rouge the Bat] Thanks, it’s a good color on me. [Rouge] What do you think of my scepter? [Shadow] I think it’s nice. That’s the purple I was referring to. [Rough] Oh. [Shadow] I mean, it matches your pink. [Rouge] Gotcha. [Rouge] What’s happening? [Shadow] It’s an earthquake, Rouge. [Shadow] Like, honestly, didn’t you learn about this in third grade? [Robot] You’re getting fucked. [Rouge] I don’t know what earthquakes are. [Shadow] (scoffs) Then you’re gonna be no use against these earthquake robots. [Sonic] Oh, hey Tails! [Tails the Fox] Hey Sonic!
[Sonic] Long time no see. [Tails] How’s it goin’? You want to go get some ice cream? [Sonic] (distracted) Well… [Tails] I’m– I’m really hungry for some ice cream. [Tails] I could go for a sundae or something right now.
[Sonic] Hmmm… [Tails] I don’t know, maybe… something with sprinkles. [Sonic] I’ll take o n e scoop, please! [Tails] Okay! [Tails] Bye Sonic! I— Oh, okay. [Tails] I can fly? What? (♫”Do Your Ears Hang Low” instrumental♫) [Sonic] Aw, missed him again. We always miss the ice cream airship, Tails! [Tails] Aw man! (sfx) feather! [Tails] It dropped a feather. I didn’t think airplanes had feathers. [Sonic] What is this one, vanilla? [Tails] I guess so. [Tails] Bye! [Sonic] Yummy, yummy in my tummy! [Shadow] Oh crap. Rays. [Shadow] Well, fortunately we made here to the computer room. [Shadow] Hey— hey Rouge. Hey Rouge, hey Rouge. [Rouge] Yeah.
[Shadow] We found— we— we found the computer room. [Rouge] Oh fuck, the computer room. [Rouge] We could play so much Fortnite in here, dude. [Shadow] Are you kidding? [Rouge] Just think of all the Fortnite battles we could win in this room with this much technology. [Rouge] We’d be unstoppable.
[Shadow] That’s lame. Listen. [Shadow] I appreciate the effort, but the new rage is Doki Doki Literature Club battle royale. [Rouge] Ohhh. I never heard about that one. [Rouge] Ohhh. I never heard about that one.
[Shadow] That’s the new Monika re-design. [Shadow] She’s like a redhead… even though she was, like, kinda brunette? I don’t know. [Shadow] I didn’t play Doki Doki. [Rouge] I’ve not heard about that one yet, what’s it about? How does it work? [Rouge] It sounds like a fun game. [Rouge] But, I mean, my favorite game is Fortnite, obviously. [Rouge] And this is a Fortnite update. This is a DLC I purchased. [Rouge] It’s like an Amiibo.
[Shadow] I’m so proud of you. [Rouge] Thank you! [Rouge] We’re gonna go there. [Rouge] That’s where we should— that’s the island we should drop on right there. [Shadow] So, this is the fabled Tilted Towers. (laughter) [Shadow] I could make a joke about that being the Battle Bus, but— [Shadow] (gasp) It’s you! [Eggman] (sinister laughter) [Eggman] I know where we’re droppin’ today, boys. (laughs) [Rouge] Eggman, how did you get here? [Eggman] How do you think I get here? I floated down on my giant Battle Bus. [Eggman] (incoherent mumbling) [Eggman] You know what I’m sayin’? It’s Fortnite. How could you not know about Fortnite? [Eggman] You said you played. You were BatFucker69 on there. [Shadow] I haven’t seen you since… The Incident. [Robot] BatFucker. [Eggman] We don’t talk about The Incident, Shadow. Now, DIE! [Eggman] We don’t talk about The Incident, Shadow. Now, DIE!
[Robot] I’ll destroy you BatFucker! [Shadow] Oh, Christ! [Robot] It’s been determined! [Rouge] That’s so mean!
[Shadow] That’s what you get for unironically having ’69’ in your name. [Shadow] That’s what you get for unironically having ’69’ in your name. [Shadow] Teriaaa! [Rouge] Oh Shadow, you saved me!
[Eggman] AHA! [Eggman] No, god! [Shadow] Oh crap, the Purple’s falling in a very long time! [Rouge] No! Gimme the— get the purple! [Rouge] Oh no! (♫”We Like to Party!” by Vengaboys♫)
[Rouge] Oh no! (♫”We Like to Party!” by Vengaboys♫)
[Robots] (repeatedly) Ow. Ow. Ow. [Robots] (repeatedly) Ow. Ow. Ow. [Shadow] So it’s the power of Purple. I don’t want to touch it. [Rouge] Did he break it? [Shadow] I don’t kno— OH GOD (♫”We Like to Party!” beat drops♫)
[Shadow] I don’t kno— OH GOD (♫”We Like to Party!” beat drops♫)
[Mephiles] (visceral screaming) [Rouge] Oh my god! [Eggman] Oh no, the instant ramen’s been released! We need to go, NOW. [Rouge] Nooo, my Amiibo… [Shadow] A shadow. I feel like I should be able to feel with this guy, but… [Shadow] I don’t know. Something about it— AUGH! [Shadow] Going through the floor. Who do you think you are, Danny Phantom or something? [Rouge] (gasps) [Shadow] My shadow… That’s how I got my name! [Mephiles] (menacing laughter)
[Shadow] My shadow… That’s how I got my name! [Mephiles] (coughs)
[Shadow] My shadow… That’s how I got my name! [Mephiles] (violent coughing) [Shadow] Oh d— dude, you alright? [Mephiles] (more violent coughing)
[Shadow] You good? Good? You need a lozenge? [Rouge] Oh my god, who the fuck is that? [Shadow] Just let him have— just give him a second to clear his throat. [Mephiles] (menacing laughter) [Mephiles] Welcome to Tilted Towers. (wheezing laughter) [Mephiles] Allow me to introduce myself. [Mephiles] My name is Memphis, Tennessee, and I’m part lizard. [Mephiles] Nice to— Yoroshiku egai-ishima, as they say in Nippon. [Shadow] Mee-Philes! I should’ve guessed. [Shadow] What happened to your mouth? [Mephiles] Oh, Shadow the Hedgehog, you don’t know? [Mephiles] There’s a new trend going around online called “kinning.” [Mephiles] My body is reforming to suit your own. [Mephiles] Soon I will be 100% Shadow, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me. [Mephiles] (villainous laugh) [Shadow] I can, um, kick your ass. Right now. [Mephiles] (Minecraft zombie growl) [Mephiles] Let me get a good smell of you, little boy. [Mephiles] (deep congested breathing)
[Shadow] No. Okay. You have to… gonna have to back up. [Mephiles] (snort laughs) Look at this orb. [Mephiles] Inside you’ll see the future. [Mephiles] In your future, it looks like you’ll kiss seven girls. How lucky for you. [Mephiles] I learned this a few minutes ago.
[Shadow] Joke’s on you! If you were a true copy of me, you’d know I’m gay. [Shadow] Joke’s on you! If you were a true copy of me, you’d know I’m gay. [Mephiles] Here, come to my house. C’mon, let’s just go. [Rouge] Wha–!
[Mephiles] To my house. (sfx) fwoom! (laughter) [Alfred] This game is awful. [Blue] We just got fucking Thanos’d. What the shit?
[Alfred] This game is awful. [Blue] We just got fucking Thanos’d. What the shit?
[Ryan] We just disappeared! [Silver the Hedgehog] Okay, so.. Google Maps said the Denny’s would be just around this corner. Denny’s? [Silver] Augh! [Silver] Get out.. of my way please! [Silver] Thank you! [Blaze the Cat] Silver!
[Silver] Huh? [Blaze] Silver! The Denny’s is that way. [Silver] Finally, a Grand Slam! [Silver] Let’s go!
(laughing) (laughing) [Blaze] Save a cheese melt for me, Silver!
(laughing) (laughing) [Blaze] There it is: the Grand Slam! The Grandest Slam of them all – [Grand Slam] It is I, the Grand Slam! [Silver] I’m gonna savor every morsel of this. Let’s go! [Grand Slam] You will not consume me. I will have both of your souls ingested in the Grand Slam! [Blaze] …and then we ate it. [Silver] I can’t believe we ate the who~ole thi~ng… [Blaze] I know, I’m stuffed. I could use a nap, Silver. [Silver] Well, I just always want to sleep, you know. I’m tired all the time. [Silver] I hate it. ‘Cause then when I try to go to sleep, I–I can’t. [Blaze] I know, and you angst so much about it. [Silver] Oh, I just wanna sleep, Blaze. I’m so tired of taking melatonin. It makes me tired all the time. [Blaze] Oh, I fuckin’ feel you there, buddy. Insomnia, am I right? [Mephiles] Hey, gamers. [Mephiles] Were you talking about Fortnite? [Mephiles] No, I’m not even gonna pretend you were talking about Fortnite. [Mephiles] I just really love bringing up my favorite game whenever I can. [Mephiles] I, too, have insomnia, but unlike you mine is not caused by depression. [Silver] Hey, that’s not–
…Well, yes, I am depressed. Okay. [Mephiles] Mine is because I play so much Fortnite. I stay up late and go to Tilted Towers. [Chase, aside] I don’t actually play Fortnite. I don’t know any other places… (laughter) [Mephiles] Welcome to my house. As you can see, I’ve knocked over many chairs because I get so tilted at the towers. [Silver] This isn’t really tilted or a tower… [Mephiles] Well, you see, it’s a gamer pad. [Mephiles] Not many girls come in here cuz I get friendzoned so frequently. But that’s okay. [Silver] I’d like to be in the friend zone. I’d like friends. [Mephiles] It’s not as pleasant as you’d think. [Mephiles] They don’t treat you like a friend. They treat you like an item. [Mephiles] Sometimes I wish I could be more than just an accessory to these women, [Mephiles] but unfortunately, as a gamer, I don’t get respect. [Silver] Well, I’m not a gamer, so maybe they’ll respect me! [Mephiles] That just makes you a beta cuck. [Mephiles] That’s the difference between you and I, Silver the Hedgehog. [Mephiles] I’m an alpha gamer f– (Chase loses it) (cast laughing) [Mephiles] Anyway, where we– [Mephiles] Where we droppin’, boys? [Mephiles] These are all the new maps that they’ve added, and that’s a newspaper. [Blaze] Have you ever actually interacted with a woman in your life, Mephiles? [Mephiles] That doesn’t matter. Check out this cool gem I got on eBay for $7. [Silver] It’s so cool. Can I add it to my rock collection? [Sonic] OH! OH MY GOD!! SOMEONE HELP ME!!! [Silver] Oh my god! That looked like it hurt. What do you think, Blaze? [Silver] …Blaze? [Blaze] I didn’t see it. [Mephiles] Give me back my thing. [Mephiles] You see, I had to trap Sonic in the hell dimension ’cause he disrespected gamers. [Mephiles] If you– If you still– Anyway, welcome to my purple orb, it’s time to go. [Elise] Ughhh… [Elise] Maybe if I– if I keep thinking really hard, my hands will get clean. [Elise] I really would like to eat, but there’s– huh? [Sonic] Elise!
[Elise] I really would like to eat, but there’s– huh? [Elise] I really would like to eat, but there’s– huh? [Tails] Hi! [Elise] H-How’d you get up here, guys? [Sonic] Nuh-uh! Oh!
[Elise] H-How’d you get up here, guys? [Sonic] Nuh-uh! Oh! [Elise] I need a hug. [Sonic] Your legs, are they okay? They look really sunburnt. [Elise] Oh, well, you know… [Sonic] Yeah, I do. [Tails] Oh no, look out! [Eggman] I have you both– all of you trapped here. [Eggman] Now, you can either give her up and we play PUBG together OR… [Eggman] …you can stay down here and wrestle in your Fortnite, or whatever the kids are playing now. [Sonic] PUBG’s old news, Eggman! [Tails] Yeah, Eggman, you lame-o! [Sonic] Tetris 99’s where it’s at! [Robot] NAAAANTS INGONYAMAAAA BAGITHI BABA [Sonic] Hmm, robots in the sky! [Tails] Robots in the sky? This is just like that dream I had once about robots in the sky. [Sonic] Tell it to us in excruciating detail, Tails. [Tails] Well, it was a whole dream! Bye! [Ryan] You fucking knew that was coming, you asshole. [Elise] Oh. [Sonic] You’re heavy. (laughter) [Rouge] Where the fuck are we? [Shadow] This is the future that zoomers want, Rouge. [Shadow] This is the future of Fortnite. [Rouge] No, this can’t be the future of Fortnite. It’s the best game of 2018. [Shadow] Yeah, but this is like, 20, like, 99 or something. [Shadow] …like 99 tetri– Why is it black and white? [Rouge] I’m so confused. All my Fortnite save files are gone! [Shadow] We found the computer room! [Rouge] We found it! This is it. This is where we make our breakthrough. We’re going to make a game. [Rouge] We’re gonna combine all the battle royales and make a battle royale better than Fortnite ever was. [Rouge] Come on. Shadow, you gotta be in this with me. [Shadow] You’re right. And I know just the backing music. [Rouge] Aaaand recording, go. [Shadow] (dooting the Pumpkin Hill theme) (♫Pumpkin Hill Theme)
♪ You know me, the fighting freak Knuckles ♪ [Shadow] YES! The ultimate soundtrack for the ultimate game! [Rouge] Inspired! This is going to be the best game that’s ever been made. [Rouge] We’re going to be rich, Shadow. Absolutely rich. [Rouge] All the gamers. All the gamers will be on our side. [Rouge] We’ll have an army of gamers to take on the world with. [Shadow] Y’know, you say that like it’s a threatening thing, but have you ever seen a gamer in real life before? [Rouge] No, but they have– they talk big shit. [Shadow] (gasp) [Rouge] What? [Shadow] Sorry, I thought I heard a cat. [Rouge] Oh, yeah. [Silver] Ah! Oh. [Silver] Oh my gosh, this is- Is that what a…
(♫ Mad World Instrumental ♫) tree looks like? That’s beautiful. Wait…
(♫ Mad World Instrumental ♫) [Silver] Is that a rock too? Fuck yeah! This place rules! [Blaze] ♪ All around me are familiar Blazes ♪ [Blaze] ♪ Worn-out Blazes ♪ [Blaze] ♪ Worn-out Blazes ♪ [Blaze] Is that what a house looks like? [Blaze] Oh my god! This place is amazing! [Blaze] Where am I, the future? [Blaze] ♪ Worn-out Blazes ♪ [Blaze] Huh? [Blaze] I thought I heard a cat or something. I dunno. [Silver] Oh my god, it’s the guy on fire!
But… he’s not on fire? I gotta see what’s up. [Amy] Whoa, wait! [Amy] Where you goin’, good lookin?
[Silver] No, I don’t– I don’t like being touched! [Amy] I’m gonna get all up in that crotch!
[Silver] Please stop! Please stop! Please- [Silver] No, I hate this. I hate this. Please. [Amy] You’re not my boyfriend!
[Silver] Go away, please. [Amy] Get outta here! EEW! [Amy] Why would you touch me? Ew!
[Silver] Ugh! Oh my god! [Amy] EW! PERVERT! [Silver] This is the worst. This is the actual worst.
[Amy] Pervert! Pervert! [Silver] I wanna go home. I need– no–
[Amy] Pervert! [Silver] Oh, and now blue guy’s gone. This is– this is– that’s just– [Silver] My– my whole good mood is ruined! I-I hope you’re happy with yourself. [Amy] I am happy with myself! I have a positive mental attitude! [Silver] God, I wish that were me. [Silver] Anyway, go away! [Amy] You should just–
[Silver] Anyway, go away! [Amy] You should just cheer up! [Silver] No! [Amy] You can believe in yourself! Friendship! [Silver] Now you’re just saying words. [Amy] Wait. Who are you? [Amy] Where are you– No! [Silver] Hey! No! Let go! Please! Ah! You-
[Amy] Let go of my hand! [Elise] Ugh…
[Sonic] We did it! [Elise] Uh… Thank you. Thanks, I appreciate that. [Elise] My legs are really tired from not walking though. [Elise] You know how they, like– [Sonic] Oh, this? It’s my arm. [Elise] Hands are so important. [Elise] When was the last time you washed your hands? I haven’t washed mine in four days. [Elise] I’ve also been eating rocks.
That’s– That’s my go-to… [Sonic] Rocks? [Elise] …when I’ve been captured. Yeah! [Elise] Yeah yeah yeah, they’re pretty good.
[Sonic] Nuh-uh-uh! That’s not food! [Elise] What about grass? [Sonic] This is food, Elise. [Elise] It’s beautiful.
I love your new hat. [Elise] I’m gonna name her… Alexa. [Sonic] You threw it away! [Sonic] Bye, Alexa. [Elise] Bye, Alexa. [Elise] I hope she lives her best life, off in the sky. [Sonic] Me too. [Elise] She’s gonna become a part of the sky.
That’s how it works. [Sonic] Come along with me! [Sonic] Why don’t you tell me
your incredibly complicated backstory… …in an interesting long-winded monologue? [Sonic] Complete with background visuals! [Elise] Oh, okay. Yes. So once upon a time,
I lived in a kingdom with my family, [Elise] but the kingdom was on fire
or maybe I dreamt it was on fire? [Elise] Oh, yeah. I know I dreamt it. I dreamt it was on fire and there was a big monster- [Elise] Oh my gosh, the sky is so beautiful. [Elise] Eyes. [Elise] Look at the clouds. I saw a pig in the clouds.
I just– I– But I don’t know how. [Elise] It spoke to me. [Elise] It spoke to me like the fire monster. [Elise] It said: “That guy needs some mousse
from his mustache, maybe a beard hydrator.” [Sonic] I know where to find a mustache.
Come on! [Elise] What? [Sonic] How was that? [Elise] You know, it was all right, it wasn’t great.
Definitely won’t recommend. [Sonic] One! [Elise] Yeah, one. [Alfred] Oh my fucking god. [Alfred] (cackling) [Silver] The battle royale game had a soundtrack
that was so fire, it set fire to the world. [Silver] And now I need to find the hedgehog–
THERE HE IS! [Sonic] Huh?
Who said that? [Sonic] Whoa! [Sonic] Hold on,
I think there’s a fan. [Silver] You must never rap again,
or else the world will be destroyed! [Sonic] Have you even heard my mixtape?
It’s fire! [Sonic] AAAAAAH!
[Silver] Oh, I’m gonna fire at you, into a wall! [Elise] Um. Oh my gosh.
[Sonic] Look… I– I won’t rap again. [Sonic] Okay, I’ll do it,
I’ll throw it away, I promise. [Elise] Guys!
[Eggman] She’s taken by the snap-crackle-pop! [Sonic] Oh, there she goes. [Silver] You stop! [Sonic] Oh!
[Silver] Hey! [Silver] I’m not done talking to you! [Sonic] Okay, what do you want? [Silver] First, I want you to apologize.
I mean, I was in the middle of talking to you. [Amy] No! [Silver] Amy?
Wait, how do I know your name? [Amy] I TOLD YOU my name! [Silver] Oh yeah. [Sonic] Ugh. [Sonic] Thanks Amy, maybe you can feature
on my next track. [Amy] Maybe I can feature on your next what? [Sonic] See you later. [Amy] Aw dammit, I missed my opportunity
on Sonic’s next album! [Amy] It’s your fault, Silver boy! [Amy] I’m gonna pluck you up, melt you down
and make a fucking necklace! [Silver] Yeah, I probably deserve it. [Amy] Oh wait, shit. You don’t make this fun
’cause you’re sad! [Silver] I’m always sad. That’s just my thing.
I– I’m sorry. I’m sad. I can’t– [Silver] That’s just how I be, y’know. [Silver] That’s just how I be, y’know.
[Amy] Well now I just feel bad. [Amy] Well now I just feel bad. Dammit. [Amy] Alright, well, I guess, like…
We could talk about, like… Future? [Sonic] Hey Knuckles!
[Tails] Hey Knuckles! [Knuckles] What up?
I’m listening to my Game Boy. [Knuckles] It’s got the bomb tunes on it.
Check– Check out my favorite tracks. [Sonic] Oh, Super Mario Kart? [Tails] Not Super Mario Kart… [Tails] (gasps) Eggman?!
[Eggman] We have pictures of Mario,
pictures of Luigi… [Eggman] We have pictures of Mario,
pictures of Luigi… [Eggman] pictures of Princess Daisy, princess of Princess Peach. [Eggman] Did you know that the FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is only done for people who like gaming Minecraft? [Sonic] Interesting. [Knuckles] Yeah, the remix is a little hard to fucking understand, crush. [Sonic] Yeah, it sounds like Pumpkin Hill. [Tails] Now, Knuckles, why would you listen to music on a Game Boy? That’s not what a Game Boy is for. [Knuckles] You’re right, it’s what a Switch is for. [Sonic] Not gonna say what I said last time, [Sonic] ’cause that was weird. Alright! [Tails] Wait, what? [Knuckles] Hey, don’t take me anywhere– [Knuckles] Aw fuck! [Hayley] You have found the computer room.
[Sonic] Oh god, here we are! [Tails] Where are we? (gasps)
[Ryan] Shut up, Hayley! [Sonic] Eggman!
[Tails] Eggman! [Eggman] Welcome to the realm. [Eggman] Now, I have the epic gamer right here! [Elise] Hey!
[Sonic] No! [Eggman] Not the time to drop! [Eggman] Now, I’m gonna be turning you all into Minecraft PS4s. [Sonic] But Eggman, she’s my heart and soul! [Eggman] Give me the gem right now!
[Sonic] But Eggman, she’s my heart and soul! [Eggman] Give me the gem right now! [Elise] No!
[Eggman] Give me the gem right now! [Eggman] I don’t wanna hear your musky mouth. Put the gem there or I’m gonna put her in Minecraft. [Sonic] Alright. [Elise] Sonic, don’t do it! [Sonic] Time to give up my 1-up. [Eggman] That’s right. I want that Aquafina, bitch. (slurp) I wanna sip that shit. YES! [Sonic] WHOA! [Knuckles] üüüüüüü [Tails] Oh no!
[Knuckles] üüüüüüü [Eggman] Enjoy your time in Fortnite, boys! [Sonic] No! [Tails] No! [Sonic] Wait, is it Fortnite or Minecraft? [Eggman] That’s for really knowing you to find out, you goddamn nasty hedgehog son of a bitch. [Eggman] I want you gone out of my life. [Eggman] Look at the size of my nostril, I can smell you from here! [Elise] Why are you so rude? [Eggman] Why are you so goddamn pale? Now, get the fuck away from me! [Eggman] GET OUTTA MY LIFE, SONIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!!!! [Tails] Sonic, no! Aaaaah! [Knuckles] Eggman, I fucked your wiiiiife! [Elise] No! [Eggman] I flushed them down the terlet. [Eggman] They’ll be seen again. [Eggman] Now, about those PUBG let’s plays, we can start something tonight on twitchtv.com. [Eggman] Wait, listen, I think we should maybe– No, not even– Not even PUBG. We’ll go with Fortnite. [Eggman] We’ll do Fortnite. We’ll create Fortnite. And we’ll get Todd Howard on it. [Eggman] That way, he can make Fallout 76 battle royale. [Eggman] Then, we have to switch over our plans. [Eggman] That way, we create the ultimate battle royale experience. And I only need you for it. [Elise] So I’m just gonna let you keep talking and I’m just gonna meditate. [Eggman] Now, listen, you’re the key component! [Eggman] And you listen to me. You will be my game tester. You’ll test all of my battle royale experiences. [Eggman] All the gamers will look up to you. You will be gaming gamer girl queen. [Eggman] You’ll have Cheeto puffs on your fingers. And Twitch Prime will be mine! [Eggman] Now do you agree to do this… or am I gonna have to let you go on the terlet portal like those other ones did. [Elise] To be honest, I’ve been visualizing a beach this whole time. [Elise] That’s what my dad always told me to do when I was really stressed. [Knuckles] This isn’t the beach! [Knuckles] Fuck! [Sonic] I feel like thinking about something but I don’t know what. [Knuckles] I can’t think about anything, my brain is schismed. [Sonic] Yeah. You okay, Knuckles? [Knuckles] No, my corpus callosum is swollen. [Tails] My head’s full of jellybeans… [Sonic] Sounds delicious. [Tails] Not really… [Shadow] You. [Sonic] Huh? I heard someone speak to me! [Rouge] Well, hello boys. [Sonic] These towers are quite tilted. [Shadow] Yes. I tilted them myself. [Shadow] See, we tried to make a game battle royale, but anyway– [Tails] Look at this. You ruined everything! This is all your fault! [Knuckles] Shadow. You– [Knuckles] Listen, you got any weed on you man? Like, since we’re here– [Shadow] No, what are you the only one who smokes weed here, Knuckles? [Rouge] Except for maybe Rouge. Rouge? [Sonic] Oh. [Sonic] Speak for yourself, motherfucker! [Shadow] Listen, that’s not important. Look! [Sonic] I’ll point at you also. [Shadow] I’m not in the sky, dick nips. [Knuckles] Hmm… So, dick nips, where are we going? [Sonic] Huh? What’s happening in here? [Silver] Uh… [Mephiles] As you can see, this is the optimum drop point. [Silver] Oh wait!
[Mephiles] As you can see, this is the optimum drop point. [Mephiles] As you can see, this is the optimum drop point. [Mephiles] Wow, look at my orb, it’s big and small! [Sonic] Oh, that orb looked big and small! [Knuckles] …what the fuck? [Tails] Did you guys see that? [Sonic] What is this?
[Tails] Did you guys see that? [Tails] Where’d they go? [Tails] Look, it’s a big computer! [Knuckles] …wait …what’s on it? [Tails] Somebody’s been playing Fortnite. [Knuckles] …aw fuck. [Tails] Wait, no. Somebody’s been building a video game. A battle royale that– [Sonic] Oh sweet! I want to be the main character! [Shadow] Hmm… got a nice green glowy thing there? [Rouge] It’s weed, obviously. [Rouge] I was hiding it from Knuckles. He wanted it so bad. Did you see the look on his face? [Shadow] Yes, I did, although it might be irradiated. So you might be slowly developing death. [Rouge] That’s fine. [Omega] beep
[Rouge] That’s fine. [Rouge] We’re all gonna die, anyway. What is that? [Rouge] Looks like a weird cow or something. [Shadow] Looks like a robot that we can’t possibly imagine what the voice could sound like. [Rouge] Maybe if we, like, put weed in it we can make it work good. [Shadow] No. [Rouge] You won’t even try it? Just try my idea for once, Sonic! Uh, Shadow. Fuck. [Rouge] Just listen to me, like, for once. [Rouge] I’m sorry that I’m bad with names. [Shadow] This is the last fucking time you confuse me with that blue asshole. [Shadow] You did it once before, you did it again. You did it at our wedding, Rouge. [Rouge] You just look so much alike! [Silver] You know, maybe things aren’t so bad. [Silver] I’m here, I got the nice ocean breeze. [Silver] Just alone with my thoughts. [Blaze] Hey Silver. [Silver] GODDAMNIT! [Blaze] What, what’s wrong? [Silver] Oh, nothing. [Silver] Hi, Blaze. How are you? [Blaze] I can tell you want some alone time. [Silver] I do, but I also feel like I’m just gonna be alone longer than I want if I leave now, so let’s go. [Silver] After I—move my lips a bit more. [Sliver] Y’know, Blaze, do you ever stop and think about how— [Sliver] This is really—
[Blaze] All the time. [Blaze] All the time, Silver. I can never stop thinking. [Blaze] Sends me into a fit. [Blaze] Always analyzing, always so superior to everyone around me. Just— [Blaze] I know so much, Silver. My brain is too good for this world. [Silver] Oh, we’re in the snow, now. Hey, look, it’s a blue! [Blaze] Ah, yes, my echolocation located the emerald. As I suspected. [Blaze] I am superior once again. [Blaze] Sliver? We have work to do. Come with me. [Silver] Awh, I wish I was as cool as you. [Sonic] This place is so hot!
[Rouge] Knuckles, why the fuck do you have legos on your shoes? [Knuckles] YOU HAD THE WEED THE WHOLE TIME?! [Shadow] YOU INTERRUPTED MY BROODING— [Rouge] Listen. I have the weed, and I have what you want, so give us what we want. [Knuckles] I need it for my concussion. [Sonic] Okay, so hand it over!
[Knuckles] You can’t keep my medicine away from me! [Rouge] No, you can’t have it until you give us what we asked for—
[Knuckles] YOU CAN’T STOP OUR LOVE. [Rouge] What?
(Alfred laughing) [Shadow] Alright, so this is just getting into crack ship territory. [Sonic] Okay, OBVIOUSLY this is a sore point. [Tails] We need to go over there, and just like—fucking chill the fuck out. Everyone is so tense! [Rouge] Alright, so we found another—
[Shadow] HEY, DON’T—! [Rouge] WHOA!
[Shadow] What did I JUST say?! (general panic ensues)
[Sonic] Smells like pancakes! [Amy] Sneaking, sneaking / Into the music studio [Amy] Sneaking into Sonic’s album!~
[Robots] Fuck, do I hear somethin’? I can’t hear anything. [Robots] Hey, have you started on your new single yet? [Amy] That’s his band! Wow. [Amy] I need to sneak inside the—
[Elise] Oh! [Amy] Shit!
[Elise] Yeah—right back at ya, friend! [Amy] What are you doing here?
[Elise] Uh… [Amy] Aw, shit, what did you do?! What did you do to the album?! [Elise] I—I just— sneaked!
(Robot noises, alarms) [Elise] I snea–okay!
[Amy] Did you leak the album? Goddammit!
(Robot noises, alarms) [Mephiles] Ah, it’s so nice to be outside.
[Blaze] Sucks to be outside.
[Silver] Yeah. [Silver] I—I agree with Blaze. You know, this was kind of nice at first, but now I’m all congested—my eyes hurt. [Mephiles] You know, I haven’t been in the presence of a fair maiden in… many a year… [Mephiles] Blaze, it’s so nice to be with you. And you—you BETA ORBITER MALE—I can do without you. [Mephiles] But you make me feel stronger and smarter because you’re here, so you can stay for now.
[Silver] Awh… [Mephiles] Yes, I can feel myself becoming more powerful with all of your insolent little whines. [Mephiles] (Chase laughing, breaking character) I’m gonna do a little dance. [Amy] So, let me get this straight. [Amy] You’ve been—dating… Sonic? The Hedgehog? The blue one, looks like this? [Elise] Well—I guess? If that’s my story arc, then yes! (laughter, wheezing) [Amy] Yup! I can kill ya! (more uncontrollable laughter) [Amy] I’ll rip your fuckin’ throat out, wear it as a fuckin’ necktie!
(laughter continues) [Elise] Oh—Okay? I have no idea what the words you just said mean, but I’m glad we’re outside. It’s been like— [Elise] a week. I’ve lost track of time—I’m not sure if I’m a person. [Amy] Hmm, you won’t be—in just a second!~ [Amy] So, tell me. Do you enjoy… rocks? In your stomach? Hahaha, that’s a fitting punishment, I think, for stealing my boyfriend! [Amy] I’ll fill your stomach with rocks, twinkle twinkle! [Elise] Actually, that’s all I’ve been eating for the past three days. [Amy] You’ve been eating rocks? You’re immune. Dammit! [Amy] Alright, well how about—I run around like this, and then scare you ’til your heart stops! [Amy] Boo! YEAAAGH! (laughter)
[Amy] I’m scary! [Amy] Aw, fuck it, I can’t compete. [Amy] You have—skin, and—hands—that are like, small, and dainty, and can fit in a butthole! (laughter) [Sonic] And she has skin and hands that are small and dainty and can fit in a butthole. She’s the girl of my dreams, Shadow! [Shadow] I have one of those too. He’s very very nice. [Shadow] ZA WARUDO! [Rouge] You may now kiss the bride. [Shadow] Wait, Sonic, which of us is the bride? Sonic! [Knuckles] Wait, agh, shit.
[Shadow] SONIC, I NEED AN ANSWER! [Rouge] Come on, Shadow, it’s time for the reception. [Shadow] No, I don’t know which one of us is the bride, and that’s kind of like a thing for—oh, God. [Mephiles] Go on, Shadow, don’t you support gay rights? (Penny dying in the background)
[Shadow] I do! [Mephiles] Look at this weird flame in front of me, it’s REALLY BIG! [Shadow] Oh!
[Mephiles] Doesn’t that intimidate you?! [Shadow] Sorry, I had you confused for Sonic. I thought WE were getting married, Mee-philes. [Mephiles] Come kiss me, boy! [Sonic] Oh! Alright!
[Knuckles] FUCK my ass. [Sonic] Where’s that sweet cake? [Knuckles] My brain again.
[Tails] We made it, we’re back! [Sonic] Tails, did you forget to decorate the pavilion?
[Tails] No! I–I wasn’t in charge of decorations. [Talis] That was Knuckles’ job!
[Sonic] Oh my god, of course. [Sonic] Oh, the invitation! You didn’t hand it out! [Knuckles] I put it on the ground as a decoration.
[Sonic] To the best wedding of the century! [Tails] Congratulations, Sonic!
[Sonic] Oh my god. [Knuckles] Wait, but you got married in the future.
[Sonic] No. [Robots] Hello. Hello. Can I have your number?
[Penny] (wheezing) Are you kidding me?! [Robots] Beep. Borp. Instant ramen. Beep. Borp. Robot noises. Anyone here got weed? [Eggman] You thought you could get away, gamer girl. You thought that you could fuckin’ escape me, gamer girl. [Eggman] But my IQ is too HIGH! [Omega] It looks like that I am trapped in the middle of a forest as Alpha and Omega 3. [Omega] No one else is going to be out here to save me so I must get away immediately. [Rouge] Well, Hel~lo, nurse! [Omega] Who is this gross bat specimen trying to talk to me? Get away from me, thotticus. [Rouge] Hi! You are quite a hunk of metal, aren’t you? [Omega] And you’re quite one-polygon titted. [Rouge] Here, you want some weed?
[Omega] I do not have lungs. So I cannot smoke weed. [Omega] But I will take it anyway. And put it directly into my braincells. Here we go. (Robot noises)
[Interface] Downloading “Weed.exe”. [Omega] HOOOOOLYYYY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIII [Omega] IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
(cast laughing) [Omega] IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
[Ryan] Keep holding it, keep holding it, keep holding it! [Omega] IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
[Ryan] Keep holding it! Yes! [Omega] (inhales) WOw. [Hayley] Oh, fuck me running.
[Rouge] How does it feel? Are you enjoyin’ it? [Omega] What planet am I on? What’s today?
My braincell: Destroyed. My wig is gone. (cast losing it)
[Rouge] Buh-bye~! [Omega] I– uh– alright. I’ll best be going now. No one will ever follow me with my knife hands. [Mephiles] (laughing) Hello there, Shadow the Hedgehog! It’s so good to see you in my [Mephiles] new Fortnite map I’m developing. [Shadow] I was actually meaning to ask you a question: [Shadow] Are you seeing anyone right now? Because there’s no one sexier than myself. [Mephiles] (chuckles) [Mephiles] Why? Are you– are you interested because, um, I was actually thinking you and I are pretty similar. [Shadow] Bruh, I wouldn’t be asking if I wasn’t interested.
[Mephiles] Check out my– look at my cool shield. [Mephiles] It’s made of 17,000 polygons and it’s also– [Mephiles] P-Purple and glowy which is your favorite color, I’ve been told. [Mephiles] Regardless, as I– as I said, previously, this is my new Fortnite map. I’m developing– [Mephiles] I’m developing it in this volcano and people will play it in real life. [Mephiles] If you die in the game, you die in real life, Shadow the Hedgehog. [Shadow] How did you know Sword Art Online was my favorite anime? You should have known that I had terrible taste. [Mephiles] I know more about you than you could ever compreh– is that Sonic? How the fuck did he get here? [Mephiles] What the fuck is he doing in my shield? [Mephiles] You know him, right? You guys are exes or something. Get him out of my fucking shield! [Mephiles] If this relationship is going to work, you can’t
[Shadow] No, don’t you see? [Mephiles] bring your exes. You know how uncomfortable that makes me, sweetie. [Mephiles] Please. Let him– just go– make him go away. [Shadow] Mephistopheles, please. I didn’t know I was marrying him. I only thought it was you [Shadow] because you look so similar. [Mephiles] My name is Memphis, Tennessee, and I will have you respect my name. [Mephiles] Here he is; he’s still here. Why– why is he here? Like, how did he even get in there? [Shadow] I don’t know. [Shadow] Maybe we put a chicken bone in there or something and he just couldn’t resist. [Mephiles] He is that stupid. I’m glad we can still bond over how dumb your ex is. [Shadow] Ugh! [Shadow] That felt great. [Mephiles] I know exactly how you like it, baby. And now, check it out. [Mephiles] This is my new Steven Universe Crystal Gem cosplay. [Shadow] God.
[Omega] I need you to stop right now, [Omega] for you are not a true gem. You are nothing but a fraud. [Mephiles] Oh my god. (violent choking noises) What the fuck. Oh my god. [Mephiles] I told you not to invite your asshole friends over and now I– I– [Shadow] I’ve never met this hunk of metal but I love him. [Mephiles] I’m so fucking high right now. He’s just here and I got secondhand [Mephiles] I’m so fucking high right now. He’s just here and I got secondhand [Mephiles] smoke inebriated. I’m fucking leaving. I’m going back to my parents house until you get [Mephiles] your asshole friends in order. Fuck you. [Shadow] Who the fuck are you?
[Omega] Shadow, wait, please don’t– [Omega] Oh, god. Shadow I only came to admit my true feelings for you. [Shadow] Ah. A world where everyone loves me.
[Omega] It’s everything about you. From your hot sauce [Omega] hair, to your jet boots. Everything that you do is– [Shadow] Mhm.
[Omega] hair, to your jet boots. Everything that you do is– [Omega] hair, to your jet boots. Everything that you do is– [Omega] Are you even listening to me, Shadow? [Rouge] Hello~! [Shadow] Hey.
[Omega] Oh god. It’s young thotticus once again. [Rouge] Well, it is quite a pleasure to meet you here. Didn’t expect you to be here, Shadow. [Shadow] I didn’t expect to be here either, but here you are with your– [Omega] Fortnite: Battle Royale will be the biggest game of 2018 if we do not stop that giant. [Shadow] Thank you, YouTube algorithm. Now go ahead and screw over some more creators. [Rouge] Wait, Shadow! [Shadow] I said I’m going against YouTube now. That’s– that’s my character arc now, baby. [Omega] You look like YouTube Red, why are you making fun of me. [Rouge] Shadow, let me help you! Don’t do this all by yourself. We were going to make [Rouge] the best game together! [Rouge] (scoffs) We’d make such a good team. [Rouge] Honestly, name a more iconic duo.
[Omega] Do you have any more weed? [Shadow] Little does she know, I hold the game file and– [Eggman] Mmm, the game is almost finished. [Shadow] Hey Eggman, I found the computer room! [Eggman] I’m actually Todd Howard now cuz I sell all the video games. [Shadow] That’s what they all say. Now quickly, [Shadow] I need you to publish my game.
[Eggman] Shadow. You are my greatest creation of all [Eggman] time from the battle royale [Shadow] What?
[Eggman] and now look at you. [Shadow] Wait, hold on.
Are you my dad? [Eggman] (chuckles) Where do you think you got all your characteristics? [Shadow] Of being an asshole? That would explain a lot. [Eggman] (chuckles) Look. The only thing I didn’t give you is my realistic four penetrating nipples [Eggman] Coming off my chest, Shadow. That’s all you don’t have. But when you do have is the battle. [Eggman] the experience to be a true Fortnite twink player. [Shadow] Well, if you’re my daddy, it makes the last dub horrifying. God. [Chase] Okay.
[Ryan] Alright, cool. [Alfred] Alright, okay. Welp. (laughing) [Sonic] Elise! I’m so glad I saved you from that train! [Elise] Oh, me too. It was so fast. I was so scared. [Sonic] I know. Woah! [Silver] Hey, I saw you rescue Elise from that train. It was really cool. Can we be friends? [Sonic] Uh, no, I don’t like you very much. You’re weird. [Silver] Awwwh… [Silver] Now I’m sad!
(Sonic screaming) [Silver] Take that! [Silver] uuh… [Silver] This is what a cool does, right? [Elise] How could you do this? [Eggman] Why don’t you come with me again? [Sonic] No! Not again! [Shadow] Hey. Oh, I haven’t met you twink. [Silver] Wait. [Silver] You! You’re the one! [Shadow] Who did what? Wait, what’d I do? I mean, what didn’t I do? I mean look at me. I’m so hot, ya know? [Shadow] You made a rap so fire.. [Sonic] This doesn’t change you leaving me at the altar! Wait, I guess it does, see ya! [Shadow] Hey. [Silver] I’m gonna take you out to save the world! [Shadow] Good luck with that I have weed. [Shadow] See ya. [Silver] (whimpering in pain) [Shadow] Don’t you know? Weed makes you fast. That’s a factual thing. [Silver] What’s a weed? [Shadow] Oh my god, you can tell you’re white… [Shadow] Anyway, I finished putting the game– I sent it to Eggman. He’s going to upload it soon. [Silver] No… [Silver] It’s too late now. I can’t go back in time again because… I can’t go back in time again. [Silver] That’s just it. [Silver] But maybe this Blue will save the world, maybe? Here. [Shadow] Woah, green!
[Silver] Blue! [Shadow] What did we just do? [Shadow] Did we do that together? Was that like a gay thing? [Silver] It’s always a gay thing. I thought that’s just how it worked.. I’m gonna go. [Shadow] God bless you Sonic Team. God bless you. [Shadow] Well, if you need to go, then go; [Shadow] I’m gonna chill out here and make sure that it gets picked up by some big successful game [Shadow] development company that’ll be around for a long time like Blizzard. [Silver] I was talking about taking a shit. [Shadow] What? Okay… go ahead. I don’t know why you need a portal to take a shit, [Shadow] but, I mean, if you want to send your shit to the future, then… [Shadow] Go ahead. I’m not judgmental. At all. [Silver] Wait, no, don’t go in that! That’s the toilet! [Eggman] Now, you are going to play this game Elise, or else I’m going to push you off of this fucking– [Elise] I mean, I could jump. That could happen too. [Eggman] Or I could push you off of this polygon mountain. [Eggman] Now, what is the choice Elise? You can either die, die, or– [Sonic] No! Don’t do either of those! [Elise] Okay, I will do my own thing. [Elise] Okay, I will do my own thing.
[Eggman] Go do it. [Sonic] No!
[Eggman] No Elise! I didn’t mean it! [Sonic] Woah! You scared the hell outta me. [Eggman] Give me back my gamer girl Sonic! [Sonic] She’s my gamer girl now. Ain’t that right, baby? Come with me. Thumbs up!
[Elise] Oh, my legs. They weak. My legs are weak. [Elise] Yeah, good job. Good job, Sonic. I’m proud of you. Yeah, that was kind of scary. All right, let’s– let’s bounce. [Sonic] Oh, you want to play God of War? [Sonic] Huh?
[Elise] Huh? [Sonic] Who’s that? [Sonic] Instant ramen! [Robot] Find them. Find the gamer girl. We have to find the gamer girl. [Sonic Oh! Wow, you look much better Elise! [Elise] Oh yeah, the filter changed. It’s great, isn’t it? [Sonic] I love Instagram. Let’s go to Snapchat. [Elise] It’s amazing what natural sunlight in a filtered game will do, right? [Sonic] I know right? Like, you know, you just need that vitamin D. [Elise] My skin looks amazing now. [Elise] Oh my god.
[Sonic] I know. Oh, do you exfoliate Elise? [Elise] Well, yes, I-I guess. [Sonic] That’s my tree. [Elise] Oh my gosh. It’s beautiful. [Elise] I wanna hug it. Can I hug your tree? [Elise] Is that allowed? Do I have to ask permission?
[Sonic] Oh, well, I guess. [Sonic] Just, you know, don’t get too friendly with it. [Elise] Okay, I promise. I’ll keep my hands to myself then. I’ll just put my hands back here and admire it from afar. [Sonic] Well, you can’t hug without hands Elise. [Sonic] Make up your damn mind! [Elise] I did! I decided that cosplay wasn’t consent, and I’m just gonna thank you for bringing me to your tree. [Elise] It’s so wonderful. It’s putting me in all the right moods.. of being.. happy. [Sonic] Well, what are some of those moods? Huh? [Elise] Well happy is one, like I just said, and um… [Elise] Hungry. Hungry is a good mood. I’ve eaten nothing but rocks, as I’ve said, for a while. [Elise] Some plants would be a nice change to rocks. [Holy music] [Duke] My child. My baby girl. Don’t worry. [Elise] Dad used to feed me plants. [Elise] It was nice. [Elise] I think I’m starting to hallucinate. It’s been a while. [Elise] I just keep getting kidnapped. [Sonic] How about a hot dog? No additives. [Elise] That sounds wonderful. Um.. [Elise] I’m gonna try not to cry now. [Elise] Because that sounds– I’m– I need a minute. I need a minute, Sonic. [Sonic] No, let it out. It’s fine. Oh! [Elise] Thank you.. [Elise] Thank you.
[Sonic] Oh, yeah, I mean.. [Sonic] Yo, you gotta support your friends. [Shadow] (grunts)
[Silver] (whimpers) [Silver] Ow.. (whimpering) It hurts.. [Shadow] Sewer system’s a lot more intricate than I expected. [Scientist 1] We gotta find the fucking purple power, dude. [Scientist 1] How we gonna get the power to the purple, dude? [Duke] Well, you better find it quick, because if we don’t find it, we’re not gonna be able to play Fortnite! [Scientist 2] Sir! There’s too much yellow energy to counteract the purple! [Scientist 1] My mom’s getting back in like 20 minutes, dude. You have to finish this. [Duke] I don’t give a shit you better fucking fix it! [Duke] Wait.. [Duke] What are you doing here!? Get out! [Shadow] What was that?
[Silver] I don’t know. It sounded like yellow! [Shadow] I knew there was too much yellow in this world. [Shadow] If I could do anything, I would eradicate 3 colors. Yellow, silver, and then silver again. [Silver] Oh.. You meant me..
[Shadow] No, no, not like you Silver, just like uh.. [Shadow] There’s something about it like.. the person that silver kind of is. [Shadow] Okay. Yeah. No, I don’t like you Silver. What are you looking at? [Silver] This is really gross, but I can’t look away. Ya know, it be like that sometimes. [Shadow] Oh, God, it’s like a pimple popping video. [Silver] (whimpers) I hate those. [Shadow] Oh, God, I know that coughing. [Silver] Oh, is it the weed? Is that what that is? [Shadow] Close. It’s my lover. [Duke] Take this. Protect my daughter from the gamers! [Duke] Take this gamer reflective stone. [Silver] I’ll go check on the purple. [Shadow] That’s not weed, and you don’t even look cool. [Duke] And now… I’ll die. [Mephiles coughing] [Shadow] Oh, God. Is that what I look like when I inevitably melt from over saturation of capital- capitalism? [Shadow] I dunno. I guess that’s where I’m going. I had a YouTube thing going. [Shadow] Oh great emerald, tell me what I’m supposed to fucking do in this dub! [Mephiles] Shadow, I’m trying to reform, help. Baby, help. [Shadow] Oh, it’s you!
[Mephiles] I’m made of vape smoke babe, come on. [Shadow] Oh, wait, he’s made of- Wait, have you turned to vaping? [Mephiles] Yeah babe, I’m made of purple jewel stuff. C’mon.
[Shadow] Is that really wise move? [Shadow] Well, I suppose this time, but you better cut that vaping out. Just kidding, you’re getting thermosed baby! [Mephiles] No, don’t put me in your red face! No, don’t vape me!
[Shadow] Get in the thermos. Get in the thermos. [Shadow] Get in the– Get in! Get in the thermos. Get in the thermos! Get in! [Shadow] Pokéball that motherfuckin’ vape! [“He’s a phantom”] [Mephiles] (moan) [Mephiles] (wincing moan) [Shadow] Now I carry around my boyfriend wherever I desire. [laughing] [Shadow] And what do you know? The perfect shape. [hysterical laughing] [Silver] (whining) [Silver] I leave for five minutes, and this happens?! [Duke] You’ve got to take care of the– take care of the explosion, or we’ll all die. [Duke] You have a high five on your forehead, that means you are an epic gamer. [Duke] I’m going to take my daughter away so that way we can’t die. [Duke] Sweetie, remember, listen.
[Silver] Don’t go toward it! What’s wrong with you? [Duke] Don’t– …Shut up. I’m gonna resurrect her right now. Baby take the gamer gems. [Silver] Wha? Cool!
[Duke] I can’t believe this.. [Duke] By the power of gaming.. [Duke] I fucking live, and so will my daughter. [Duke] Now, gamers, unite! Bring back my daughter! [ChaosEmerald1] What’s up guys? This is ChaosEmerald1. Just about to resuscitate this gal. Uh, I’ve never seen this kind of game before. [ChaosEmerald1] I think the forced diversity is a little much. I mean, why have a girl as your main character? [Duke] It worked! Oh my God! [Duke] (choked crying) Wait. Wait. The gamer piss. It killed her! [Duke] (while crying) No! Elise! [Duke] (overdramatic crying) The gamers.. [Duke] Silver… Take her to E3, and see the–
[Silver] I don’t think I can carry her. [Silver] Oh! She’s very heavy. I’m not strong.
[Duke] Silver. Silver. [Duke] Just think about where you were before you– [Silver] I– Where I was everything was on fire.. [Duke] (shudders) My baby girl gamer… [Duke] You’ll find your peace in another– (choking crying) [Silver] This seems really private. I feel like I shouldn’t be here for this. [Duke] (while choking) Shut the fuck up. I’m talking to my my daughter. [Duke] (sniffing and crying) Okay… [Silver] My arms hurt.
[Duke] Thank you so much… [Duke] Your hair looks like ketchup, and you have the pale face of mayonnaise, but you will live. [Duke] I know you will. [Silver] If you don’t wrap it up, I’m gonna drop her. This, uh, it really hurts.
[Duke] Goodbye.. My ba– [Silver] Okay. I just gotta… Urgh… Oh God. [Silver] (struggling) Hold on… girl, I… I’ll just… carry… you… Aargh– [Silver] (whining panting)
[Shadow] Hey. [Silver] (whining crying) I can’t.. feel my arms! [Shadow] I see you got yourself somebody. Not like romantically, because that’d be weird.
[Silver] (crying) It hurts! Oh no.. [Silver] (crying) Oh no! Where do I put this girl!? [Silver] (crying, sighs of relief)
[Shadow] Oh, mood. [Silver] (sighing) Finally.. (exhausted panting) Oh my God.. [Shadow] What do you think, boo?
[Mephiles] I think you should let me out of your fucking vaper, babe. [Shadow] Hm… Hey, think she likes vaping? [Mephiles] No, she’s like 11.
[Silver] No, that’s… I don’t think that’s– [Shadow] I think we should let her vape. Give her the freedom to vape. All living things deserve freedom, Sliver. [Shadow] Freedom to weed, to vape, to Fortnite. That’s what we’re all tying into, I think. [Shadow] That’s a central message.
[Silver] I only know one of those is… [Silver] Can you carry me–?
[Shadow] No. [Silver] Oh… okay… [Elise] (tired groans) [Silver] How did she sleep through all of that? [Silver] Well whatever. I wish I could sleep. Bye. (♫”Do Your Ears Hang Low” instrumental♫) [Random Citizen] Oh my God, there’s a ship in the sky! [Random Citizen] Ice cream ship!~ [Random Citizen] Is Todd Howard driving an ice cream truck? [Amy] Oh fuck! That’s where I put my dildo! Aw dammit! Aw shit, I gotta go tell Sonic! Fuuuuuuu– (♫”Do Your Ears Hang Low” instrumental♫) [Royal Staff] Uh ma’am? Uh ma’am? Ma’am? Ma’am– [Elise] I’ve been told how to think about the ocean when I’m stressed, and I’m looking at that, and I’m real stressed. [Royal Staff 2] Ma’am, you’re the regent! [Elise] I’m just gonna go meditate. I’mma think of the ocean.. [Elise] Bye guys. I’m a peacin’ out. I’ll let you deal with this. [Royal Staff] Ma’am you’re the ruler of this kingdom! You have to act! [Silver] Ugh… Oh, now my legs hurt. Everything–
Blaze: Oh. [Silver] Blaze, help me. Everything hurts. [Blaze] So, do you have fun on your little adventures? [Silver] No! I didn’t! [Silver] I didn’t have fun at all. My eyeliners ruined. My arms hurt. [Silver] I got kicked in the head. I hate everything, and I didn’t even know I could do that. I’m usually just sad. [Blaze] That’s okay, baby. I know you’re lost without me. Be sure never to leave my side again, okay? [Silver] Okay… [Omega] Take that. And that! You motherfucker! You steal Shadow away from me, I take your fucking skull! You motherfucking bitch! [Mephiles] Yo, you chill the hell out dude, I’m too high for this. [Mephiles] All right, anyway, uh… [Mephiles] This is the last time I try to have bots play on my Fortnite server. [Omega] You are nothing but a Fortnite PR fake and a actual diamond accessory. [Mephiles] What the fuck does that even mean? Those string of words just absolutely mean nonsense to me. [Mephiles] You are so far below me you lowly little trash can man. [Omega] You are nothing but a fake game writer. You will never find happiness you PIECE OF SHIIIIIIIT! (gunfire) [Mephiles] Ow! Dickhead! What the fuck!? I’m gonna lay down. I need a second after that. Jesus lord.. [Mephiles] Ugh, I’m turning into vape juice, no-! [Omega] Shadow, my baby. I am so sorry. [Omega] I had to get rid of him because he was gonna get rid of everything. Also does Rouge have more weed? ‘Cause I need that weed. [Omega] My fucking system modules were breaking. My DD4R was breaking on the inside. But I really love you Shadow. [Shadow] Look, I don’t know what your DDR machine is but– [3 minutes later] [Shadow] That was an amazing dance! [Rouge] It was so good. You’re an icon! [Rouge] You’re gonna be more famous than Freddie Mercury! [Omega] I’ve been doing the JB block boy and b-boy dances all of my life. Also no one knows how to do the shuffle like I do. [Omega] Listen Shadow, I’m gonna come out and just say it to you because.. my brain broken, and my heart knows what it desires. [Omega] Shadow. You are the one. [Shadow] Wait, uh, Rouge do you hear something? [Rouge] Uh, only the sound of… [Rouge] I don’t know. The ocean, I guess? [Omega] Is this the friendzone? [Rouge] Unfortunately, yes. This is what the friendzone feels like. Something I’ve felt more times than I care to say. [Shadow] I don’t know how to reciprocate against someone who’s that amazing of a dancer but– Listen we have more things to worry about right now, troupe. [Eggman] (evil snicker) Back in my lair once more. [Eggman] How many times are you gonna run? I’ve captured you 17 different times! [Elise] I feel like it’s gonna be at least 18. (wheezing) (hysterical laughter) [Eggman] The caucasity of this bitch. (More laughter) [Eggman] You run and run. I am an alpha male gamer. [Eggman] She be like “This asshole…” [Eggman] I love Fortnite. Without me, you wouldn’t even exist! Without me, you wouldn’t be able to contain the demon because of gaming! [Eggman] Look around you. Imagine: Dragons. Now imagine it. Gaming, on Fortnite BR. [Elise] I’m imagining the ocean, because, I’ve established that when I don’t want to be somewhere, that’s what I think of. [Eggman] Frank Ocean can’t save you now, sweetheart. [Eggman] No one’s coming for you. No one’s after you. I know what your father wanted for you. [Eggman] So you’re gonna do this whether you like it or not. Now let me log on to my Epic Games account, and let’s see what we can– [Eggman] So you’re gonna do this whether you like it or not. Now let me log on to my Epic Games account, and let’s see what we can– [Computer] Welcome to EpicGames.com. Beep. Computer room located. [Eggman] Now let’s see… If someone hacked into my Fortnite account, I’m going to have a birth of cactuses out of my asshole. [Computer] Currently being hacked. [Eggman] (demonic high pitched screeching) [Sonic] Welp, gotta take care of these guys. [Robot] I’mma kill you. Fuck you.
[Sonic] Who are you? [Robot] Aggghh!
[Sonic] Oh my God, it’s Blue Man Group! [Robot] It is no use. [Silver] Oh, I missed, um, bye! [Robot] Oh no–! (robots crashing) [Silver] I’m sorry about mistaking you for the rapper: Shadow the Hedgehog. [Sonic] That’s okay. My work is much better though, right? [Shadow] Hm, the desert. [Omega] Count how many sand is here Omega. That’s your first mission.
[Omega] Okay. [Omega] 1. 2. 3. 4.
[Rouge] Why the fuck would you make him do that? [Omega] 5. 6. 7.
[Rouge] It’s gonna take so long!
[Shadow] It passes the time. [Omega] 8. 9. 10. 11.
[Rouge] Shadow! It’s gonna be so annoying! [Omega] 12. 13.
[Shadow] (Almost laughing) I’m curious what it thinks its number is.
(Cast laughs hysterically) [Omega] 14. 15. 16. 17.
[Rouge] No! He’s just gonna be counting forever! [Omega] 18. 19.
[Shadow] Perhaps… [Omega] 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26.
(Cast continues to laugh hysterically) [Omega] 27. 28. 29. 30.
[Rouge] Shadow, what have you brought? This is your fault! [Omega] There are only 30 million sand particles in this desert. [Shadow] See? That was easy.
[Rouge] Oh fuck.. Oh my God. [Mephiles] Ya know, being an independent-
[Shadow] Oh my God, purple! [Mephiles] Shh, please don’t interrupt me.
(Cast laughs) [Mephiles] Being an independent gaming developer has made me realize I have so much more potential. [Mephiles] Please support my Patreon in my new startup industry. [Mephiles] I will be selling and renti– What?
[Shadow] Omega! Count the– Count the number of grains of sand in this room! [Omega] Okay. 1. 2. 3. 4.
[Rouge] Shadow! [Omega] (counting in the background)
[Rouge] What the fuck dude?
[Mephiles] I was going to compete with him to see who could count better, [Omega] (counting in the background)
[Mephiles] but apparently, he’s already on it, so, whatever. Anyway. [Mephiles] Fucking… okay–
[Shadow] Okay, you can stop now! [Mephiles] Look, just listen to me, and I will give you this orange juice gem. [Shadow] Just kidding. Keep counting. It’s your one mission. [Shadow] Now listen…. Listen here.
[Omega] (continues counting) [Shadow] You won’t be able to stop the power of this game. We have mass computing power as you can see by our robot. [Mephiles] (evil laugh) You silly feeble-minded little gay. I am so far beyond Fortnite. I have moved on, and my stardom will end the world! [Omega] WHAAAAAAAH! [Mephiles] You can see, this power is already farther than you could look. Everything is purple! It’s great! Oh my God, look at how high resolution I am! [Mephiles] Aah, no, ack!
[Shadow] This is– His game is better, it looks way better! [Mephiles] (dying noises)
[Shadow] However, he paid the price of his solenoid greatest game. [Shadow] Wait, how’d I get this again? Didn’t leave in the past?
[Rouge] Get him Shadow. He’s our gaming competition. [Rouge] With him out of the way-
[Omega] It’s time for him to go. [Omega] No more Fortnite.
[Mephiles] (Silly voice) I’m just a little blob boy now, fuck you! [Mephiles] Hehe, this is what sound like as a cloud. Fuck yo– Oh no! Sh–! [Shadow] Gotta catch em all, baby! Cuz he’s… Shadow. [explosion sounds and freaking out] [Shadow] Was NOT expecting explosions! [Rouge] What just happened? What did you do? [Omega] He went into the jar. Never to be seen again– [Mephiles reforming sounds]
[Mephiles] Oh my God, my neck. [Mephiles] I need to see a chiropractor. [Mephiles] Oh my… Oh my God. Oh my God, did you see that? [Mephiles] Fuck you for making me go through that dude!
[Shadow] He’s right! 10,000 years really made you such a crick in the neck! [Mephiles] You guys suck. Really, I can’t believe I used to date you. You used to be cool dude.
[Shadow] Have you met me? [Shadow] I was really cool.
[Mephiles] Yeah. [Mephiles] You’re sexy as fuck, but you’re also a dickhead. You’ve stuck me in your jewel. [Shadow] You know what they say–
[Mephiles] I don’t know what they say, and I don’t care what they say. [Mephiles] Look at my army of Me’s. I’m going to fuck me, because I can’t trust anybody with my penis except for myself. [Mephiles] Can you believe me? Have you ever fucked a clone? It’s great. [Mephiles] They know all the right places, and I have ten million of them to go around. [Shadow] But Mephiles! Fucking you is my job! [Mephiles] Not anymore, baby! Not ever since I became an independent game– [Shadow] Joke’s on you. This is a dream come true for me.
[Mephiles] Would you shut the fuck up? [Mephiles] I swear to God, I didn’t invite you to my house. I have it– [Mephiles] I put it on Facebook that I was having a homecoming party because–
[Shadow] Omega, count how many mouths he has! [Omega] Okay… [Shadow] Yeah, exactly! You ain’t got no mouths, bitch! [Shadow] Hyah!
[Mephiles] Oh, we have to get him before he leaves. [Mephiles] He’s cra– He’s crashing my great fucking home warming party– Oh my God! [Mephiles] No! What the fuck? My clones!
[Shadow] Haaaaah! [Shadow] Teriaaaa!
[Mephiles] No! Dickhead! You’re the worst! [Eggman] God– Wait– What’s happening? Wait– No! The battle royale! It’s being– [Computer] Currently being hacked!
[Eggman] It’s being destroyed! [Eggman] What’s happened? What’s going on? Why is Fortnite being destroyed–
[Computer] Your account is compromised! [Eggman] NO! GOD DAMMIT! I spent so many hours getting all those skins! The dances! [Eggman] They’re all gone! Noooo! [Eggman] They’re all gone! Noooo!
[Computer] Your social security is someone else’s! (♫”Do Your Ears Hang Low” instrumental fading out♫) [Sonic] Oh! I wanted a Spongebob popsicle! [Silver] I like the Bubbles ones. [Sonic] You WHAT? [Silver] You know, from Powerpuff Girls? [Sonic] Oh, I never thought someone could be so misguided… [Sonic] AUGHHH! (slams fist down in anger) [Silver] Yeah… that’s my name and my game. Wait, how does that saying go? [Silver] I’ll shut up now.
[Blaze] Don’t be so hard on him Sonic. [Sonic] I’ll be as hard on him as I wanna be. [Silver] That’s very suggestive, but also, if you’re offering, then I’d be happy to. Ya know? [Sonic] …What?? (Cast bursts out in laughter) [Silver] Oh, um okay, I’m sorry. Have a diamond. [Sonic] Yeah! Time travel! Again!
[Silver] (Whimpers) [Zelda chest opening sound] [Sonic] Silver, you know what? [Sonic] You’re a twink. [Sonic] I’m gonna go smoke some weed now. [Silver] How long were you waiting to say that? [Sonic] The whole dub, baby! [Silver] Yeah, I figured. Okay. have fun. (Everyone giggles) [Ryan] That is the tagline of this dub. [Alfred] Just… Silver is a twink. [Silver] Wait, nevermind, I’m coming with you. [Sonic] Oh! Wait, did we time– (yelps) [Silver] Oh, what the heck? [Silver] What are we doing here? And why am I still holding it? [Blaze] You’re holding it because we have a job to do, Silver T. Hedgehog. [Silver] Is the job to be gross? [Silver] Oh, but we’re really good at that.
[Blaze] No. The job is to facilitate maAA– [Sonic] Woah! (Dong, dong, dong) [Silver] Oh no..
[Blaze] I’m going to sacrifice myself Silver. [Silver] No, please, you’re too good– You’re not only too good for this world, but also any other world that could possibly exist. [Silver] Here, let me try hitting it with– (yelps of pain) [Blaze] Silver, there’s no other way! You’ll die!
[Silver] (cries in pain) [Silver] No, I can do this! I can be– I can be a cool boy. I’m cool!
[Blaze] Silver, quit it! Silver! Quit it! Silver! [Blaze] Who will pass on my legacy if you are gone? [Blaze] It’s my job, Silver. I will take on this burden. Treat me like a goddess! [Blaze] (groans) [Silver] I think I already did but okay. [Blaze] Silver! When they talk about me in the future, make sure my name is something cool. Like… Jessica Grimdock. [Silver] Or Blaze? [Blaze] Yes! The coolest name in the world! That was a test Silver, and you passed. [Silver] Finally, I did something right! [Blaze] Silver?
[Silver] What is it? [Silver] What is it, Blaze?
[Blaze] I’m almost proud of you. [Silver] (gasp) That’s the most proud of me you’ve ever been! [Blaze] When you think of me, think of approximate gratitude! [Blaze] HUUGH! [Silver] Noooo! [Blue] Oh my fucking God, she’s fucking dead! [???] Bye Felicia. [Blaze] Wait, that wasn’t me saying that! [Blaze] WHO’S THERE!? [Silver] She went out the way we all want to. By turning into mist and sparkles after holding two diamonds. [Silver] Oh, it’s so bright out now. I wanna go inside. [Blaze] You are still my bitch… (“bitch” echoes) [Silver] I always will be. (laughter) [Sonic] Woah! Oh! We gotta escape from– somewhere?!
(Someone bursts out laughing) [Sonic] How did we get here? [Elise] Go that way! [Sonic] Okay, but it looks like we’re gonna have to ju-jump! [Elise] What else is new? You’ve done that five times. [Sonic] What? I can’t hear you, it’s loud! Here we go! [Sonic] Woah!
[Elise] Woah! [Sonic] (screaming) [Sonic] We might do this. We’re gonna make it! We’re gonna make it! [Sonic] We’re gonna make it! [Sonic] There’s no way we can’t make it! [Narrator] Is this the end for Sonic the Hedgehog? [Narrator] No! (Rolling sounds) [Sonic] Elise! [Elise] (panting) [Sonic] Elise. Guess what? [Elise] What? [Sonic] I can never die! [Elise laughing while Sonic sinisterly laughs] [Sonic] Nice smile! [Sonic] Wink. [Sonic] Ew! No, it was gross on you.
[Elise] Wink. [Mephiles] Finally, the corrupted weed gem! [Mephiles] Finally those assholes will stop following me around and I can move on from my life. [Mephiles] I used to be into Fortnite. Yeah, sure, we all had that kind of phase. [Mephiles] That doesn’t mean I want to keep dating my Fortnite boyfriend and inviting him to my new apartment every time I have a party. (laughter) [Sonic] Oh. I feel potent angst energy in this forest Elise! [Sonic] Woah! [Robots] (Beep in the tune of Darude Sandstorm) [Sonic] I feel so distracted! [Mephiles] What the fu– What are you people doing on my front lawn? Get out of here! [Sonic] (gasps in pain) [Mephiles] Oh my God. Oh my God, are you okay? Holy shit. [Mephiles] I–I– I don’t think I should pull it out. I think if I pull it out, he’ll bleed out. Oh my God. Oh my God. [Mephiles] I didn’t mean to do that. Oh my god. Oh–
[Sonic] You were right! I’m bleeding out! [Mephiles] I mean–
[Sonic] All over the ground. (Epic rendition of Darude Sandstorm plays) [Sonic] Oh my God, there’s so much visible rendered blood! [Elise] Oh no, Sonic! Sonic! [Mephiles] I mean, you shouldn’t have come on my property. You scared me. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was– It was self-defense and it is– I– we are in America. This was self– [Mephiles] Oh my God. I’m gonna fucking puke. [Elise] Wake up! Wake up, Sonic! Please! [Elise] No… His hand.. It was the most beautiful part… of him. [Elise] No… His hand.. It was the most beautiful part… of him. [Elise] Oh no. I’m having a flashback. [“Baby!” echoing] [Elise] (crying) Nooooo! [Mephiles] Oh, my God. Oh my God. What the fuck? [Mephiles] Yo, it’s yellow! Oh my God. Yo, I’m purple. That’s yellow. [Mephiles] Ooohhh! Complimenting the color baby~ [Mephiles] Okay, this’ll look really good on my mantle. If I can just solidify this yellow essence into, like, a crystal or something, that would be dope. [Omega] We are trapped in the tar. This is what it looks like. This is America. [Rouge] God. Fucking thanks, BP! [Shadow] Better not catch you slipping now Omega. Now let’s see, now that I got my rings back on, I can… wear rings. [Shadow] Oh!
[Omega] Shadow, be careful, that is the power of Sprite! [Shadow] Oh, Sprite!
[Rouge] Ah! [Shadow] I’m more of a Coca-Cola fan! [Mephiles] Now I have all the colors of the rainbow, and I can unleash my true gay power! [Mephiles] (maniacally laughs) [Mephiles] Now everyone’s my boyfriend! [Mephiles] (maniacally laughs) [everyone freaking out] [Random Citizen] Oh, hey! My beds fit! [Lifelight from Super Smash Bros. Ultimate] [Tails] What the fuck is happening? What are these feelings? [Silver] Oh my God. It almost went as white as me! [Silver] That’s bad! [Silver] Oh no! No, not you again!
[Amy] Oh my God. [Shadow] Oh Christ, it’s you guys.
[Omega] What’s up bitches? [Amy] Rouge! [Eggman] (laughing) [Eggman] Cock. [Shadow] Mood, Eggman, mood.
[Omega] Cooooooooock. [Lifelight from Super Smash Bros. Ultimate] [Eggman] Mm. You know how long I’ve been craving some gamer dick? [Eggman] Since 1907. [Eggman] Sonic’s finally dead. [Amy] Woah!
[Shadow] Wait, he’s dead? [Amy] Holy shit! You killed my boyfriend? [Tails] No, Sonic!
[Shadow] Fuck yeah. [Tails] Oh no! What happened to him Elise? [Amy] I’ll never get to play.. the song I wrote for him. [Amy] Maybe if I sing it now, it’ll help! [Shadow] Don’t…
[Amy] (dooting the Pumpkin Hill theme) [Amy] (dooting the Pumpkin Hill theme) [Shadow] Nevermind, this is a jam.
[Silver] I’ll get my keytar. [Amy] (continues dooting) [Eggman] Now, this isn’t the diss that I wanted. Shit, goddamn. This is fucking ridiculous. Fucking shit. [Amy] Everybody sing it with me! (Everybody starts dooting) (Powering up noises) [Eggman] Finally God, take me. (Someone in the cast snickers) [Eggman] I want it now. Give me death. Just like Sonic. [Shadow] Satan, if you’re out there, I want the piece of that pie too. [Knuckles] Oh wait. I have hands? [Silver] This is… awkward. I don’t know any of you guys, and you’re acting all like, “Oh man, it’s so sad!” [Silver] and like, I want to feel sad too, but I don’t know you. So like… [Shadow] Untrue. I kicked you in the back of the head once, and it was awesome! [Shadow] Remember that, Silver? Remember getting your ass kicked? That’s how Sonic feels, except not as bad. [Elise] I think… maybe… [Silver] You shut up. [Elise] The power of friendship can bring him back. [Elise] If we unite as friends. [Amy] I. Will fucking. End you. [Elise] No. No, we can’t end. [Silver] Yeah, we can. We can end right now. You wanna do it? You wanna go? You wanna test me? [Silver] I got nothing left to live for. My best friend turned into sparkles and flew away. [Silver] That’s right. Let’s just do it. Let’s just end it all. [Silver] Huh? You ready? You ready to go? You ready to leave this mortal plane? [Elise] Yes.
[Omega] What kind of fucking crack is this? [Silver] I hate– I mean, no! I don’t hate everything! I’m actually happy! [Eggman] Alright now, Sans Undertale, go into my eyes.
[Penny] What– OH?! [confusion and laughter] [Eggman] Now, here’s what we’re going to do–
[Chase] Since when? Since when?! [Tails] Eggman, I didn’t know you got Google glass! That’s awesome! [Knuckles] Hell yeah! [Amy] Waitaminute, waitaminute, waitaminute, waitaminute. [Amy] Are we killing ourselves or not? [Amy] Alright, bye! [Tails] Okay, let’s go! [Knuckles] Wait, Amy, no! [Tails] That’s not what I meant! [Sanctuary from Kingdom Hearts II] [Shadow] I remember this worked well when I was trying to summon Animal Crossing for Switch. [Sanctuary from Kingdom Hearts II] [Elise] Bring him back. With the power of colors. All the colors of the rainbow. [Elise] Red. For.. red. [Elise] The color of love, and lust, and hate. All of those, all combined together. [Elise] The power of purple, and blue, and clear. Clear is a color too. Don’t forget it. [Elise] Can’t forget the color clear. And by the power of all the colors, and also of friendship. Return to me, Sonic! [Elise] Return to all of us! We have united for you! We’ve united to bring you back! [Elise] And so you must come. Come. Ignore the light. Come back to regular reality. [Shadow] Wait, is she–? [Elise] Where it’s just… normal.
[Knuckles] No, no, no, no NO (Everyone chants no, and screams as … it happens) (screeching) [Amy] Nooooooo! [Sonic] Elise. I have something to admit to you. [Sonic] I was gay before the light. [Elise] (faints) [Chase] You killed her.
[Sonic] I understand the friendzone. [Sonic] It’s hard to deal with. (everyone cheering) [Sonic] It’s okay. We can still be friends Elise! But first, I have to take care of this alpha gamer… [Sonic] Incel guy, I guess. Hey, you wanna join me?
[Shadow] Yeah, that’s a plot. [Sonic] You guys want to start a polyamorous marriage? [Silver] Sure! [Sonic] We’ll all be yellow!
[Shadow] Wait, is that how this works?
[Silver] Okay? [Shadow] Silver, you’re a double bottom. [Silver] I’ll be the twink! [Shadow] Yeah, that’s what I said! [Rouge] I now pronounce you husband, husband, and husband. [Sonic] Heck yeah!
[Shadow] Sonic the Hedgehog said gay rights.
[Elise] Shit! We’ll save the world with the power of gay! [Sonic] And then we killed it. [Shadow] And then we played Neopets. [Rouge] Yeah! [Tails] Yeah!
[Knuckles] Yeah! [Eggman] (grunt) [Amy] Hey! Hey, do you wanna go out? [Elise] Mmhm. Yeah. [Amy] Yeah, yeah! Sonic look, I’m gay too! [Rouge] Amy, what the fuck? [Sonic] Where are we? [Elise] It’s beautiful. Colorless, but colorful? [Duke] You have both been Norted. (“Norted” echoes) [Sonic] Oh no! [Sonic] I was avoiding spoilers! [Duke] Do you see that, my gamer child? [Duke] That is your life. [Duke] That is your flame, that no one can ever put out. [Duke] Not even the gamers.
[Young Elise] Okay… [Young Elise] I guess we just gotta be real quiet here.
[Duke] Yeah, I know. (Everyone laughs) [Duke] Speechless. I was speechless too when I first saw the flame. [Duke] But you will continue on. Understand me, Elise. [Duke] The flame within you shines brighter then any Xbox 360 controller. [Young Elise] It’s so great! [Duke] I can’t fucking understand you. [Duke] It’s okay. You’re my beautiful baby girl and I love you a lot. [Duke] You little Rugrat. Now come on. Let’s go get some IHOP. [Duke] I know. The flame’s pretty fucking crazy right? Now let’s go get that IHOP. [Sonic] So this is the flame of gamers, Elise? [Elise] Yeah. It’s been burning since I was child. [Elise] It’s still going! The flame of hope. The flame of the game. [Sonic] That’s pretty lit! [Elise] Yes. Except nobody can see it, because it’s a private area, so… [Sonic] Right. Let’s put it out!
[Elise] Yes. [Sonic] I hate games! [Elise] I’m just- I’m just gonna show it to you up close. It’s really important. [Elise] So, don’t blow it out or anything, just– I don’t know. Can you feel it? [The Gamer Flame] (Gamer talk echoing) [Sonic] Hey Elise? [Elise] Yeah. It’s whispering to me. Do you hear it too? [Elise] The spirit of the games. [The Gamer Flame] (Sonic gamer talk) [Elise] Let it inspire you. [Elise] Feel it in your heart. [Sonic] I don’t know Elise– [Elise] Oh no sorry, go on. [Sonic] No, I was just– I mean video games have just been kinda– Oh no. [Elise] It’s so inspiring… [Sonic] Oh, hey Elise, let me uh cheer you up! Uh, what does a ghost say? [Sonic] What does a ghost say Elise? [Elise] Games… in the heart. [The Gamer Flame] The purpose of my content is to entertain… [The Gamer Flame] I can’t wait for the new Sonic character. [Elise] I think I want to eat it. Or maybe kiss it. [The Gamer Flame] Smash that like button… Game over. [♫Marching band version of “Die Young” by Ke$ha♫] [Elise] Hi guys. Hello! [Sonic] I gotta get on that plane! Wait– boat. [Sonic] Oh! [Sonic] Pretty boat! [crowd gasping] [Elise] Oh! [Elise] I think that was meant for us. [Lady-in-waiting] What the fuck are you talking about? [Elise] The– Didn’t you just feel that? That breeze? It penetrated my heart. [Lady-in-waiting] Sorry, that was me. I farted. [Elise] Bye guys! Thanks for coming! [Sonic] Oh! Vanilla! [Ryan] Say it, you won’t. [Alfred as Eggman] I’M PI– (laughter) [♫Penny’s cover of “Die Young” by Ke$ha♫]