please don’t kill yourself // Anna Akana

please don’t kill yourself // Anna Akana

So, I was thinking . . . I’ve been pretty open about the fact
that my sister committed suicide in 2007. And I’ve been getting a lot of questions
from people on the internet of like, “I want to kill myself. What
should I do?” If you commit suicide . . . I don’t even know like, I don’t even
know, what would happen . . . to you. All I really know is what happens to the
people around you after you die. I think it’ll be really, really hard for
your family . . . to live . . . normally for a long time. (exhales) And, um . . . If you commit suicide . . . People will miss you. A lot. (sniffles) Dammit, I don’t wanna cry! Cause if I cry, I’m not gonna want
to put this up. But it’s a message I want to get out there. (sniffles) Um . . . Okay. So I’m sorry in advance
if I cry, I hate editing things where you cry, cause you’re just watching
yourself cry and it’s awkward and then you have to actively export that, which takes
like 10 minutes. And then you have to upload it to the Internet, which takes a
while, so there’s a whole process going involved in showing the world that I have cried at this moment
that you’re watching. If you commit suicide . . . Your brother, your sister, your mother, your friend, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your child . . . (exhales) All those people . . . who really, really love you . . . will be really FUCKING confused for the rest of their lives. And really angry and . . . really jealous. I’m jealous . . . of everyone who has a sister. (voice cracks) You know? It’s been like 6 years since she died. And it’s still really hard to talk about. I mean, in uh- just a real way, like cause I can say a sentence
here or there in a video. (sniffles) And it . . . feels good to talk
about it. Especially when I’m trying to put
a message there. (sniffles) But like . . . (shaky breath) (voice cracks) I mean, at the end of the day You know, there’s someone . . . who’s supposed to be in your life right now. And they’re not. And they never will be, again. Probably. No, actually, most definitely.
Because we all die. But . . . Augh! It just forces you to ask yourself a lot
of questions you’re never gonna get the answer to, so it just feels like
a lot of fucking unnecessary pain! And like, brooding and agonizing and it feels so shitty, just SO shitty and unfair and then you’ll wrestle with these same
emotions over and over again every time you think about it. So you try not to think about it, but then if you don’t think about it, you can’t work your way through it, but working your way through it fucking sucks cause there’s just so much of it everywhere! Everywhere you turn, it’s there! It influences who you are, it’s like a
before and an after this event that you did. I am a different person, and I don’t know if it’s for the better or
for the worst, but I fucking hate you
and I fucking love you and- (sniffles, exhales) Just don’t do it. (sniffles) (laughs) (mockingly) Just don’t do it! (catches her breath) So stupid. Death is stupid. I don’t like it. (sniffles, exhales) (exhales) But yeah. I think that’s . . . (laughs) that’s pretty much what . . . will happen after you kill yourself. For . . . a long, long time after that decision. And if you hadn’t made that decision, then it’s like . . . how many extra years you would have had for things to change, you know? (sniffles) (catches her breath) Stay awesome, Gotham. Subtitles by Skylar Coland via Amara
(If you were looking for a sign, this is it.)

100 thoughts on “please don’t kill yourself // Anna Akana

  1. Love life, life will love you back!! I have been there many times!! but I told myself everything will change sooner or later don’t give up because life get really sooo hard or bad for you!! people will start to care about you just work really really hard on yourself! I do care about each of you !

  2. They don't care when you are alive they are going to care when you die. Why am I alive bc my dad is dead I don't live with my mom and the people I live with just use me to do their chores and then leave me (talk my name and tell me die and I don't deserve to live etc.

  3. if i die i wont be able to help my friend with her social anxiety issues so ill put up with myself for her 🙂

  4. Today I really want to die, I understand what you say Anna Akana, I know that I have family that would probably be sad, but being alive is just so awful, so painful, I don't know, I am useless

  5. Where it really hit me was at 3:00 😣
    I was adopted as a baby from China. Idk my parents. And to make it worse I’m most likely a victim of the one child policy so I get looks and pity every history class. And I hear about these adopted kids who aren’t traumatized by it so people around me expect me to be not affected by it aswell. I also had really bad depression in middle school so this hit hard

  6. I’m still gonna kill myself but I’m scared they won’t care about me I’m gonna do it my family probably wouldn’t care so I’m just gonna do my mom is acting different

  7. Yeah i miss my brother and my parents i miss the old happy me huh its funny that when i was little i always thought why would people kill themselves well now i know ima go use a rope in 2 hours

  8. No one cares of beacuse im fat and im just difrent no one cares i have no friends im lonely i can imagen everyone beinh happy that that fat pig is gone 😔

  9. life is never Easy Everyone has their own obstacles in life that they need to Face to make them strong that's the purpose of life

    I keep saying I hope I die in school but deep inside it's just an excuse to escape the pain that I'm feeling

    take note guys dying is a sin according to the bible

  10. The other day, I was sitting on the side of my bed that has so many little cracks in the wood. I have been so, so very suicidal. Across from my face, about three feet away from me on top of my dresser sits a razor. I picked it up and about one thousand thoughts cross my head. About nine hundred ninety-nine of those thoughts were about suicide. But that one, that one was about love. I cried so damn hard that evening. I gently place the razor over my veins and was so, so close to pressing down and giving that razor enough pressure to breaking the skin. At this point I am sobbing my eyes out. No- one but me is home. I flipped my arm over, revealing over one hundred cuts. Cuts that came from all the names that people, including myself, have called me. Cuts that came from the loneliness that dwells deep inside of me. Cuts that came from the razor sitting right in front of me. I picked the razor back up. I turn it around around and see the dried blood. Blood from those damn cuts. I pull up my arm again, and I swear, I had never cried harder in my life. I finally stand up and walk to the kitchen. I have an empty look in my eyes. I make my way to the trash can and drop it straight into the bin. I smiled. A genuine smile. Something I had not seen spread across my face in at least a year. I dropped to the floor like a forgotten rag-doll and continued smiling. Smiling because I finally threw that razor away. I slowly walk into the living room and wait for my mother to return and when she did, I hugged her for so very long.

    I guess the message of this is to not lose hope. Thank you for reading kind stranger. Have a great day!

  11. You just gained a subscriber.
    You are a beauty and your personality is amazing im sorry for your loss but everyone dies eventually but your sister died too young and im sorry for what happened i thought about killing myself and im pretty sure i eventually will most def before im 20. Ill try to be happy but insecurities hit hard its not that im ugly its that i panick

  12. Me and my mum had a argument and she said that her life was so much better before she had me . Now I just feel like killing myself. 😭

  13. I have tried to overdose it feels like no one cares unless you do something big thats what if felt for me my parents just said i wanted attention and the amount i took couldnt have killed me and it wasnt the right ones but i tried to i thought it would kill me but i just wanted attention i guess

  14. Anna am a 40 year old man with 3 girls .. but have suicidal thoughts all the time.. want my life to end but want my kids to be ok .. fighting my demons all the time

  15. I use to wanna die when I was little and just die so everyone is happy and now those thoughts are coming back and I’m at the edge I’m sorry but I may end my life tomorrow

  16. Your not committing suicide because your gonna hurt your family members but what if families the reason you want to commit suicide?

  17. Luv u, thank u for being real, n sorry bout ur sister I lost most of my friends and family to suicide. Even almost lost me, but I was lucky to survive. I'm not gonna lie my life hasn't gotten much better n there's definitely days where I struggle with my sanity but I know I don't want to die. Watching people like you on YouTube definitely helps. So thank u again.❤️

  18. Respect and love to you and your family, Anna. Thank you for sharing this message with the world. God bless you.🙏🏻🌸

  19. I don't really see suicide as right or wrong. No one really has the answer to anything, but think that it's a cop-out to cling to religious beliefs or something else universal moral related. Not really my place to determine who should be living, but it's ultimately up to them. The way that humans are, we're self-destructive, which that tells you something about our nature. Part of me believes that we are our own enemy and need to be saved from ourselves, so why look at death in a negative light?

  20. My sister has attempted twice. And I just couldn't do it. Everytime I feel like I have noone to talk to. my sister is all I have… I live for her. No matter how hard I struggle. I am alive an breathing.

  21. My mother passed away last year. Basically slowly killing herself. And I just don't understand. How come staying alive for me or her grand son didn't matter. What am I supposed to do now. Where do I go from here… God I miss her so much.

  22. iv got siblings , i cnt kill myself but , i dnt want to live . now im stuck in a shity world . i fail to Want to socialize , drugs dont numb me for long enough , i dont want to work , im geting poor .

  23. When u get to the stage of thinking of suicide. .then u don't think of all these things ..who gonna miss me or who gonna be hurt because of my death …. u want just to leave as fast as possible.

  24. This is people's lives all over the world./(your criticized and beaten down, no matter what you do what you say you always loose gets so hard you start feeling some sort of pain in your heart and now all want to do is cry. All you feel is pain but no one seems to notice but when they do you pretend and say your fine. But your not, your afraid to tell someone because you think that your a coward or a baby, someone that is weak and it's true you say to yourself as you cry every night hoping and praying everything will get better but God never answer's your prayers. Now there's no one to turn to, and when you finally give up that's when everyone cares and realizes all the pain they put you through and now you're being pulled in on a table they feel your heart beat as you're family is crying and praying in the waiting room. The doctors tell your family the devastating news. The doctors say I'm sorry she/he didn't make it. Now your sister starts screaming please I'm sorry I didn't mean to come back,she's praying but your already gone you don't get a second chance, so please think about it and get help or talk to a friend.❤

  25. And what if there is no one around you? What if you know that no one will miss you? What if everyone around you is telling you to kill yourself? What if it’s not just in your head? What if they mean it and you know it? Why don’t you answer those things, ms hopeful. Not everyone has ppl around them that care, not everyone has a person or a friend or anyone to miss you or cry over you. Not everyone has anyone, if ppl actually felt the things that we, us, them, her, he, she have felt and feel, simple words don’t do anything. If people understand, and they know how baddddd it would be, then why aren’t they there for ppl in the first place. No one cares until you’re gone. No ones there for you until after your funeral. No one seems to have words to say until after you’re gone, until after you’re buried. And what do I think? What do I think of whenever I’m reminded that no one will miss me? That no one bothers enough to talk to you? To want to help? To actually take time and care, not a hug or a quick chat, but someone to hold onto and care for me? That no one ever seems to have words for a sad somebody until they’re 6 feet under.

    As cruel as it sounds,

    Out of all the languages in the world, I’m choosing to leave you in silence.

    You give what you get. You chose to do and say what people have chosen to do for you.

  26. So don't you think its selfish wanting answers on why they did it instead of asking yourself how much pain and suffering they were going through to actually want to die? Maybe its selfish of you to make them stay alive just for your sake so you don't have to feel sad about why they did it. I'm not trying to mean here, I'm being serious. Life is suffering, some have it worse than others.


  28. Nobody cares about you until your dead then that’s when they wanna act like they love u but now I done killed myself and u wanna say that❗️❗️❗️

  29. A lot of people saying they have no one around you, your neighbours who see you walk past their house. Someone you work with. The dog that you pet occasionally. The friend who moved away and would have connected again to invite you to their wedding in 5 years.

  30. Some people (men) are discarded, everything taken from them by a selfish women and replaced completely to the point that they don't even exist to their own biological children so no real reason to live. I'm sorry that your hurting but some of us truly have no reason to live. Our death will hurt no one as there is no one in our life. We are just wasting space and taking up resources someone else could use.

  31. “Your family would miss you”

    I don’t mean to be that guy but my mum was the last family member I have alive and she died on Saturday

  32. But what if you don’t think of how it affects other people are you a sociopath or are you only looking out for number one

  33. People who have never been to that deep point don’t know how painful it is to be there and how hard it is to try.

  34. All the people who text you, most won't kill themselves. They just want a response from a "celebrity". But you actually put all the hotlines for all the countries in the world. I don't think you get it, most people who kill themselves are ungrateful. But a lot don't have family. They're gone. They're dead. These kids are on the streets. Not everyone who kills themselves is like your sister, she had family, and all the needs. These kids would die anyway, that's why they do it. Which way do they want to go: Sickness, murder, malnutrition, starvation, thirst, food poisoning or suicide?

  35. you shouldn’t talk for everybody
    There are bunch of people invisible for world around, and if they die nobody will care or cry or something

  36. We all can become stronger, and prevent wasted lives and suicide, by challenging our beliefs. There is so much to consider about how things work, that people don't bother to think about. Most people seem to merely default to what we think everyone else is doing, mainly to win favor. It's irresponsible and lazy-minded. Majority rule is about power, not right and wrong… Everyone seems so confused and insecure now, it's difficult to tolerate and show empathy. Its like we no longer grow up faster than we reproduce, so everyone is just a child now. Our culture needs to evolve, or we will keep abusing each other with our technology, especially currency.

  37. I’m goddam 11 years old and I still feel like there is no point in living what’s the point of living if I spend 80 percent of my life crying hurting myself every day the only thing stopping me is the slight bits of hope I probably won’t end up commenting again
    It’s over now bye

  38. I get the point: the only reason I haven't commited suicide is, that I know it would cause many people endless pain.
    but yet again this realization basically forces me to endure another 50 years of pain in which the people around me will also suffer, because they constantly worry wether or not I will one day commit suicide.
    this is hell. and there is no way out.
    living causes pain. suicide causes pain. I didn't ask to be born with this hole in my chest. so now I'm supposed to suffer until I die?

  39. I’ve always been of the mind that convincing someone to continue their suffering for the sake of not making their family sad is the wrong approach to this conversation. It shifts focus from healing to guilting and can often times worsen the problem.

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