[hip techno music] M: There comes a time in every man’s life, or woman’s life, it doesn’t matter which, when you gotta go to the beach. Ya’ just gotta feel the power of the ocean. The raw, unbridled rage of the waves, smashing up against the… sand. And sand! It is the breath of life. For those people that live on the beach, of which we are. And in that sand, we build our greatest monuments that we have ever known. Castles. Castles which stand the testament of time. Will be there for all ages to come. And in that epic history of sandcastle making, there stands a legend above all else. All others will shy away from the Scheid that he is. Tyler “The Castle” Scheid Oh, no man stands as tall. No man stands as resolute. Made from sand himself from the very beaches of Lithuania. If you can even imagine what kind of man he is… *oh* You’re wrong. He’s totally different or something. But then! By comparison! Oh. It is. Ethan. Quicksand Neth-sster. [Nestor] A man! Who stands! Resolute, but illusory [adjective – based on illusion; not real]. I think that’s a word, yes. Unable to be tangible when you’ve got the sand of his soul inside of him. Breathe it in! Indescribable, unknowable. And just like quicksand, will draw you in with his eyes! Oh yes. And you may be asking who I am. Among these titans of sandcastle! Oh I think you already know. It’s me. Mark. Sandy Vagina! [Everyone laughs] E: Sandy Vagina Mark. M: Yes.
E: With a vagina so packed full- M: Let me describe it! With a vagina so packed full of sand, [Grunts] a- a pearl. Yes, that’s for you! [Kisses pearl] [Blows pearl] [glass break] Magic. I know. And yet, here on this beach, we are head to head to head. Against each other to try to build the best sandcastle possible. Can we do it?! E: Absolutely. M: Thank you! [Tyler laughs] M: Alright. So here’s the rules. We’re all gonna build a sandcastle. We got buckets with which to do it. We’ve got sh- [Ethan laughs nervously] M: I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry! [Ethan continuing to laugh] I’m so sorry! I am so sorry! Hang on, we’re- we’re gonna go with it! These shovels have power with which you don’t understand. No one can know the power of the sand. I’m sorry! [Ethan laughs] That’s why- I’ve got a sandy vagina, I can’t help it. Alright, so we’re gonna take these and we’re gonna build the best sandcastle we can. In fiiiiiive minutes? E: Based on history, that’s subject to change. [M/T laugh] So, we’ll see. M: We’ll see about that. We’ve got these- artifacts here, with which to build our castles. These priceless antiques, have been passed down through the generations to, us… Misguided as they- [Stammers into gibberish] Alright, that’s enough of that We’re gonna get going Anybody got a timer? Alright. Ready? 3… 2… 1… GO!!! [Excited beach music] [Tyler laughing] E: Idiots. Idiots is what they are. They don’t know nothin’ about sand [Mark grunting] M: Quicksand Nester obviously already so full of moisture [Laughing] You don’t need to get any more M: As you all may know, the key to a good sand castle is the parapets M: Ohhh shit… M: Did you guys know my family couldn’t afford to go to the beach so I’ve never actually built a sand castle in my life? T: Really? M: This is the first time I’ve ever built a sand castle T: Really? M: Yeah M: Ignore all the lies I said during the intro I’ve literally never built a sandcastle in my life E: [Grunts] E: It’s so beautiful So sandy M: Just like my vagin- [laughs] [Mark laughing]
E: It reminds me of something…your vagina! M: Something, close to my heart [Ethan laughs] M: Y-your vagina! T: [yelps] [Ethan and Mark laugh] M: Heh A sombrero M: Oh Oooh noo Ah, yes. Perfect! It looks just like a boob
[Ethan giggles] Exactly what I was going for- Oh! [laughing] Never mind, Tyler’s looks more like a boob than mine
T: [laughs] M: Aw frick M: Hoo boy E: [noise] M: Wait, I got it [Ethan presses B to Blow] [Mark laughs]
E: It’s like a fire M: I don’t think it’s like a fire- Ah [Mark fake cries] M: I’m just trying to sweet talk one of the judges now Decorating with birds That’s all I can hope for at the moment Is it gonna work? E: Ah, you guys have to be impartial judges M: Uh, that was not- also not in the rules Steal your bunny E: [groans] Can we have a time check? Amy, offscreen: One minute! E: [exasperhated sound] M: Oh boy AH NO! OH NO! Disaster Oh no A: …Two, one M: Wh- What- Two, one?! A: Time!
M: That’s the countdown?! A: I started at five M: I didn’t hear! A: Yeah M: Oh… A: Welcome to the beach M: Oh….. E: Welcome to the beach
M: Well you shoulda- M: Shoulda talked louder! M: Ah! Oh! Interesting choice! Oh, I see! Ah! Good! Yes! Alright. So let’s explain it Alright, Ethan, you- you first E: Me first?
M: Yeah E: Alright.
M: Go for it. E: So I was going for more of a- a village feel At the top you have the- the king’s palace surrounded by his knights Uh- And there’s a nice gate around it It’s very- [Stutters] It’s a very special place Up front here obviously we have a moat Uh- With alligators actually inside so that they can be protected at all times Another gate right up front We’ve got the two Uh towers up here That symbolize- uh- both darkness and lightness in the world And each tower holds the magic of the dark and the light It is held here in t-the village [Mark claps] M: Tyler, explain yours T: Certainly Mine is the traditional “Pillars of Power Castle” Clearly with the distinct moat, functional drawbridge- M: I’d like to point out that’s a seahorse and not a drawbridge-
T, definsively: IT’S A DRAWBRIDGE M: Okay T: And, of course, the towers and walls for defense along with a full, completed, surrounding moat the- villager town with a platform on top for when- obviously the king decides he wants to kill somebody and the- the ultimate alter which on top sits the king’s throne watching over his entire village M: Okay, alright Rank Amateur work, guys, I do admit but I think I’ve got ya beat and here’s why: As you may notice, uh, I have a tendency to reenact historical events and this one is no different, because as you see, there is a built-in channel for with which me to sit down and if you notice- Oh! Is that Mickey Mouse on the front? YES! This is a complete recreation of the Disney movie “Aladdin,” and the genie scene where he lifted the palace up because- true to life-size- I sit here as the Genie And this is the palace of Agrabah! And in doing so I have swept Need I say more? [laughs] E: Well I think that we have to leave that up to the impartial judges M: Uh, it’s very clear my intention. The Disney logo reinforces it, you see that? And this is very clearly the palace from Agrabah E: Very advertiser friendly
M: These are the two- These are the tube M: The tube- The tube things that almost squeeooshed [squished] A-la-dan in the winter ‘Scuse my snot You see? You see that? You see? You see that? You- You see? That? You see?! E: Pretty good.
M: You see that? M: You see?
T: The one thing that I will say that’s not a perfect recreation T: is you have a significant number of ducks and I don’t remember ducks in that movie. M: It never showed you the outside of Agrabah, but it’s true According to historical records there were a great number of ducks in that- place Real- really odd for a desert but it was true M: [stammers]
T: [laughs] M: I’m trying to remember the lyrics from the song [Singing] [gibberish] -gooses E: [laughs] M: Alright, now, I will say- I will say Yours is probably the most defendable castle T: [laughs] M: ‘Aint nobody getting in through that drawbridge because that drawbridge is a seahorse T: [laughs]
M: So it’s even- it’s even better because then if they try to walk on it it’ll attack ’em (x1) T: Exactly!
M: It’ll attack ’em (x2) T: It’ll wrap its tail around ’em and strangle ’em
M: It’ll attack ’em (x3) M: Yeah And I gotta say that also, uh I like yours because it seems homey E: Uh huh M: It’s very nice E: I’m now noticing that it makes a face! There’s two eyes, a nose, and a mouth M: Oh!!
E: Didn’t even realize that T: I will say this too: it seems that Ethan made the largest and most structures.
M: He did, yeah M: So, now we leave it up to the impartial judges [laughing] who are not loved M: That’s okay
A, offscreen: Okay, summarize your explanation in three words M: Uh… Aladdin?! Oh! I thought- the- one word each Okay Aladdin Aladdin, Genie, Aladdin, Genie, Agrabah T: Strong, T: Strong, drawbridge, T: Strong, drawbridge, defense E: Happy little accidents T: [laughs offscreen] M: Extremely M: Extremely sandy M: Extremely sandy vagina M: Extremely sandy vagina
[Everyone laughs] [Ocean roaring in the background] Amy: You [Tyler] win for the most castle-esque T: Woo!
A: Most castley! Katherine: Most castles M: That’s what we agreed on too
T: [laughs] A: You [Mark] win for decoration K: Yeah!
M: Yay! K: Best ornamentation, [inaudible]
M: Thank you A: Size.
K: Yes. [Everyone laughs] [Everyone laughs]
E: For once in my life! A: The overall winner…
K: Overall winner goes to… A + K: Tyler!
E: Aww! M: That’s what we agreed on, we wouldn’t kill everybody if Tyler won M: [laughing] Literally that is what we deliberated on [Rock music] M: Alright, so this has been the sand castle building thing I guess the official name is- This has been Markiplier Builds a Sand- This has been Markiplier Makes: A Sand Castle Thank you everybody so much for watching Hope you enjoyed this one, hope you learned something about sand castle history yourself And you know as we say here at Markiplier Inc. Ready? M: Don’t get sand in your vagina!
E +T: [Struggle to predict what Mark is going to say] M: That’s a bad one Buh-bye! T: [Laughs]
E: [Giggles] [Snazzy music] [Music changes to something more inspirational] M: [Noise of distress] It’s icky! Something touched my foot! It’s not there now It touched it… [Disgust] Hate the ocean… A: What was it? I don’t know. Monster? Shark, prolly? [probably] Yeah.