(upbeat music) – If you go to a house that’s a strip club in the woods, down a
dirt road with no lights in Dothan, Alabama, those bitches are ferocious. (audience applause) (techno music) (glass breaks) (techno music) – Welcome to This Is
Not Happening presents: World of Blunder. If you’ve never been
to the show before, it’s just a bunch of
comics telling fun stories about real shit that happened. Give it up for my
friend and yours, Mr. Joe Rogan everybody. (audience applause) – Yo, yo, yo. Yeah. Hello, hello, hello. What’s up? What’s going on? I’ve been traveling, doing
stand-up comedy for a long time. I started going on
the road back in 1998 and that was… (mumbles) I started going on the
road because of Dice Clay. We are at the Comedy
Store one night he’s like “you
should do the road” and I was like OK. If he’s willing to
talk to me I’ll listen, you know. And I started going on the
road both doing stand-up comedy and working for the Ultimate
Fighting Championship. Which back then, was really like doing porn. (audience laughs) In 1998, you didn’t want
to tell people that you… “what are you doing
this weekend?” I’m going to see a cage fighting
event in Dothan, Alabama. I’m working. So I fly into this place
and I’m hanging out with these fighters. I’m in my 20s and I’m
completely baffled by the whole situation. And like, you ever
see that cartoon where there’s two dogs. There’s a little dog that’s
hanging out with the big dog. And the little dog is like, where we going Spike? The big dog is like, shut up! I was the little dog. And I’m just hanging out
with this slew of dudes who can rape me. And one of them wants to go out. And if you’re around like
these big giant like.. This one dude. We’ll
just call him Bob. We’ll call him Bob. It’s not his real name, but Bob was this giant wrestler dude who is like 250 lbs
of American muscle. And Mexican supplements. And we’re hanging out
in Dothan, Alabama. What does Bob want? “Bob wants to get some pussy. “Yeah, there’s got to be some
pussy in this town, man.” I mean literally, that’s
all he wants to do. And we’re…we’re there
with this other dude who is the local DJ. You know, we have to
do like morning radio to promote the event, it’s this big event down there. And morning radio guy talks
like morning radio guy. He’s like, “what do
you guys want to do?” There’s a voice that somehow another they’re
all allowed to use. And it’s not like you
know, you’re doing a real like he’s doing Jack Nicholson. No, they’re all just doing
the voice they do at work. It’s basically the same thing
as the strip club DJ voice. It’s very interchangeable. DJ guy’s like, “hey, I
know where the girls are. “There’s a club just
outside of town. “Let’s head out
there right now.” So we get in his car. We hop in DJ guy’s car. And we start going out of town. And we’re in homeboy’s car. And he’s playing, you
know, his station. We’re talking. And Bob is like, “man gotta
be some pussy around here man. “I’m telling you dude, “there’s gotta be some
pussy around here.” And we start going
down a dirt road. I notice there’s no more lights. And I’m like, what’s going on? He’s like, this is where it is. So we go down this dirt road. This is all a true story. Down this dirt road,
there’s no lights. And we get to a house. It’s a fucking house. The house has a nylon sign, like one of those
signs, you know. Like you see a temporary sign. And it just says
Gentlemen’s club. At a fucking house. And I’m like, oh shit. This is a mistake man. I’m awake, I’m sober now. I’m not high, again. So I’m thinking this is a
terrible, terrible place to be. He’s like, “man I hope
there’s some pussy in there.” So I go out with him
and the DJ guy’s like “We go there all the time,
don’t worry about it buddy. “Come on in. “Alright.” We walk in the door, it’s
a fucking regular door. There’s like bookshelves,
people have their shoes there. There’s a fucking staircase. Like this is insanity man. We go in this room, and if you’ve ever been to not like an established
beautiful place like Cheetah’s. If you’ve ever been
to a strip club… If you’ve ever made a mistake and gone to a house with a vinyl
Gentlemen’s Club sign in the middle of
Dothan, Alabama, you’ll notice that there’s
a strange thing about the food chain when it
comes to strip clubs. And the less attractive have
to be the most aggressive. It’s sort of how nature
balances itself out. It’s like you know hyenas
are desperate as fuck, they gotta make shit
happen right away. Alright. They’re not turtles, where
there’s plenty of food and they live to be 1000. No they gotta get
shit done right now. So. If you go to a house,
that’s a strip club with a vinyl sign, in the woods down a dirt road with no lights in Dothan, Alabama, those bitches are ferocious! They fucking move on you man. You don’t get a
chance to sit down. They’re on you, okay. And it’s a strange scene man. First of all, there’s like, the only thing that
makes strip clubish is that there’s red light bulbs. They’re using red light bulbs. Okay. So I sit down, the trained killer is like “man, where’s the pussy
in this place man?” And he’s looking around. And this girl immediately
comes up to me. And there’s a thing
that a gal will do when she’s trying to get you
to do a private dance with her. And that thing is to
immediately put her knee where your penis is okay and then they move into
you and start talking to you. This is a sexy pose. Okay, but not when
you’re wearing sweatpants and wrestling shoes. Okay and your breath smells like you ate 150
shit sandwhiches and had a drunken
Mariachi band fart in your mouth for a year. This… (mumbles) Steps out. I’m not bullshitting man. She’s wearing fucking sweatpants and she’s got
wrestling shoes on. And she’s gangster. She’s like, “do you wanna dance? “Do you wanna dance?” And it fucking hits me
like a broken fire hydrant of stink. It’s just… (vomit sounds) And I don’t know what to do. I’m a polite person. I try to be nice. We’re all different. And I don’t know
how she got here. So I’m sitting there. And all I could think of. All I could think of
was I have a girlfriend and she doesn’t
let me get dances. So she starts doing all this, “you don’t know what
the fuck you’re missing. “You don’t know what
the fuck you’re missing. “I’m a badass bitch. “I’m a badass bitch. “You don’t know what the
fuck you’re missing.” And I’m like I’m never gonna
get out of here alive man. That’s all I’m thinking. Is I have fucked up. This is like a fucking movie. You take the wrong turn
and then eight hours later you’re pleading for
your life in a basement. This is a fucking disaster. So I gotta find
the trained killer. So I go over, I’m like man we gotta
get the fuck out of here. I get up to him and he has found the only
attractive girl within miles. And she has gravitated
towards his alpha presence and she’s sitting in his lap. And she weighed 90 lbs. I know this because he told me. She’s in his lap and he looks over
at me and he goes “she only about 90lbs.” (audience laughs) And now this it happened exactly this way. He goes “her pussy’s gotta be tight” that’s…like… Could you imagine breaking
a human being down to that? He was calculating
mass and size and… It’s a goodin’. It’s a keeper. It’s a fucking keeper man, that’s a keeper. So you know he’s with this girl and you know they’re
asking questions. One of the things
that he did was the girl would point to
every other man in the room. She would go like this “what about him over there,” “him right there, I’ll take
him like this right here” (laughs loudly) He did that like, he did that like 10 times. With 10 different guys. (mumbles) And then I’m you know the other girl is still on
the other side of the room. “You don’t know what
the fuck you’re missing “you don’t know” so I’m like man I gotta
get the fuck outta here. I’m completely
sober at this point. And I’m like hey dude, why don’t you ask your friend if she wants to get the
fuck outta here, alright. He’s like “hey you wanna
get the fuck outta here” and she’s like “I’ll go if my friend can go.” “She’ll go if her
friend can go.” Who’s her friend? Shit breath! Of course her friend
is shit breath. So we hop in DJ
mister nice’s car, Kiss 107.5 fucking
whatever it is. He’s in, “alright
everybody get in the car.” So the trained killer and
the 90 lber in the back seat but shit breath wants
to sit on my lap. “Cause they’re ain’t no
fucking room back there “come on, dog, “what’s up, there ain’t
no room back there.” There’s very few
things less attractive than when you’re on a dirt road on a fucking road
with no lights. You go to a house and there’s a vinyl sign
that says Gentlemen’s club. And a girl with shit breath wearing wrestling
shoes and sweatpants. Also talks black. She’s white and
she’s got freckles. and she’s like “come on dog “let me sit in your lap dog” and I’m like you can’t sit in my lap. My girlfriend doesn’t like
girls sitting in my lap. “You don’t know what the
fuck you’re missing.” And she keeps she keeps doing this shit
to the back of my head. She’s behind me with the 90
lber and the trained killer. “You don’t know what
the fuck you’re missing “you don’t know,
I’m a badass bitch.” I’m just thinking, we’re
gonna get to the hotel room. I’m just going to
get the fuck… This is all going
to be a memory. Well apparently the
trained killer had realized that this is gonna be a problem. And he’s was looking
over and “man, “she is gonna be a problem man, “she’s gonna fuck
this up for me.” So as soon as we
pull in to the hotel the hotel is… (mumbles) You know, overpass thing,
little circular roundabout sort of a thing in the front,
with a roof on it. We pull in to that thing, the fucking trained killer
kicks open the door, grabs the 90 lber and just starts running. (audience laughs) I mean this mother
fucker is clearing… He’s got some fucking ass
and squat legs on him. He’s just making
leaps and bounds and there’s no way. She’s tied up in the seatbelt and she’s trying to get to… “Oh no you don’t ditch
me mother fucker.” So shit breath shit breath is running
after the trained killer. But this mother fucker
puts logs on his back and runs up stadium stairs. So he’s just running
with this girl. He gets her to the elevator. The elevator doors open. He turns and looks
at shit breath and boom, just like
a horror movie. The door shuts just
in the nick of time. (audience laughs) And this is 1997,
1998, whatever it was. There was no
cellphones back then. You couldn’t text your friend OMG what room R U in? No he was gone, he was a ghost. That door shut,
she had to think, I don’t even know
if he was real. I don’t have a photo of him. I don’t have a contact number. He doesn’t have
an email address. The door is shut. He went to many
floors, and many rooms. It was over. It was over. But shit breath would
not accept defeat. So she starts throwing
a fucking hissy fit. Oh no mother fucker, no you ain’t doing this
shit to me mother fucker. And so she starts yelling
to try and get attention. One of the managers
run over to her. Ma’am what is the problem,
please can we stop this. And she goes, I
need to know where, she says his name UFC mother fucker
is all with my girl. We came together,
we leave together. So wrestling shoes,
sweatpants, freckles, tank top, it’s a mess. This is a disaster. Okay. You’re the last person you
want screaming in your lobby. It’s a white girl with
wrestling shoes on, sweatpants, talking
like a black girl, obviously shit faced drunk, looking for a cage fighter. (audience laughs) Who may or may not have
kidnapped her friend, right? So the manager comes over, they’re grabbing
her by the arms, they’re trying to
get her out of there. She’s like, I’ll
leave mother fucker, I’ll leave, I need to use the restroom, I need to use the
restroom first. Which is one thing that
drunks will always do. When drunks are
kicked out of the bar, they always wanna
get that last victory they…just let me have
a little something. Let me use the bathroom. They have this little thing you can’t just kick ’em out. No no no, I’ll go
out mother fucker but I’m a human being. Won’t you let me use
the restroom real quick? Won’t you… So they won’t let
her use the restroom. They’re like ma’am you cannot you are rude, you’re yelling you’re waking our people we gotta get the
fuck outta here. They push her
outside of the door. She doesn’t take two
steps from the door when she pulls her
sweatpants down pushes them forward, cause she’s done this before, alright, she knows not
to piss on her sweatpants cause she’s been
there, done that. She pushes the
sweatpants forward and she’s yelling
at the hotel going ya’ll got me out here, pissing in the streets like I’m
some kind of fucking animal. (audience laughs) And I’m, I’m sitting in my car. Just sitting in my car,
laughing my ass off. Thinking, this might
be the best person I’ve ever met in my life. Like out of all the people
that you’ll meet in your life that will just provide
you with something you can think about forever, I’ve met some inspirational
mother fuckers. But I think about her
more than any of them. I think about her all the time. I wonder if she’s alive. I wonder if she has kids. I wonder if she still
works at that house. (audience applause) Thank you very much,
you guys were the shit (upbeat music) – Joe Rogan everybody.
That’s Joe Rogan. Thank you very
much for doing it. Wow. What a disgusting story. I wonder what
happened to that girl. What is she doing now? She’s gotta be a
mother, she’s gotta be. Last week I told
you to leave me a some comments down here about the most disgusting
stuff you’ve ever seen. And we got disgusting stories like this one. Next week I’m going
to ask you to give me the best stripper names
you’ve ever heard, so if you’ve ever been
to a horrible strip club or a good one leave on the comments below. Don’t forget to click
on the reddit link, tag this is not
happening on twitter. Don’t forget to follow me and that’s it everybody. I’ll see you next Tuesday.
Get ready to cringe – watch comedians’ most insane fails from This Is Not Happening here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLD7nPL1U-R5oxn193dgOORoqNx9pE7wSl
But remember what happened when the big dog asked for gravy too many times?
he just cant get the podcaster out of himself when doing stand-up
Joe looks like he’s done some time.
Joe is holding that mike like an englishman holding a tea cup.
I don't know what this is, but there are no punchlines… this just some guy telling stories
I wish this were funny. Podcast is dope and commentary as well, but stand up is not funny to me.
How anyone finds Rogan funny is a mystery.
No Joe!
The last person I want screaming in my lobby is you with your fake stories that aren't one bit funny!!
Love that voldermort is in the audience
The volume levels on this are unacceptably terrible.
Rogan is not funny.
Has this schlemiel ever been funny? Good interviews but. standup? No. sit back down Joe.
He’s holding the mike the way I like to hold my boyfriend’s….
….hand 😊
I like Joe Rogan, but if some average joe told this story, theatrics and all…it really wouldn't be that funny.
You think about how good she was Joe and pull it to her… The Trutff
Joe had to have paid the audience to be there and laugh cause shit ain't that funny and I'm trying to get into it too. Just stick to the podcast channel 🤙
He's (Joe) not good at all.
Joe rogan is something else
I wish, with all my heart, that Joe Rogan was good at stand up comedy. He just isn't.
But who's the fighter?? I'm thinking Mark Coleman??? Maybe Don frye? I WANNA KNOW!!
Yeah, I saw a stripper that was named "Love Stub"…she had a peg leg.
We in TN when they can pee outside they are " Brush Broke " FYI
So many comments saying "Like the podcast but he's just not funny" STOP WATCHING THEN
I'm not trying to defend his stand-up i'll admit it's pretty mediocre but comedy is subjective. If you don't find something funny just stop watching don't watch it till the end and scroll down to have the world hear your opinions, and if you don't finish it but still comment "not funny" well there's a special place in hell for you lovable lil cretins.
That cheetahs strip club is running an illegal prostitution ring! Pimping out drugged girls! The barmaids are hoes and the poles are never polished!
Yet we pay our time and money to sit and laugh while sitting on cum and pussy juice chairs
This event was UFC 12. The fighter being described sounds like Mark “The Hammer” Coleman. Dude is a pioneer and legend. It makes this story even more funny! This was also Joes first UFC.
Sitdown is awesome….but stand-up…no joe….no.
Mark Coleman?
The audio is terrible.
😂😂😂
One guy in the audience is low-key high on meth. You'll see him if you know what's up.
Love Joe’s podcast but I cannot get into his comedy at all! He really reminds of a roused out Dane Cook. He’s not just mediocre, he’s cringe worthy.
Terrible
Abbot and Castello fool!
another story in dolten Alabama
Damn I was waiting for it to get funny but it just never did. I'll never get that 14 minutes back.
Haha ok joe this is hilarious 😅😅😅
hands down worst famous comedian of all time
I hope the stripper watches this and brushes her fuckin teeth
Man oh man, did I ever laugh…Thanks Rogan…You are deffinatly in the top 5…
fuckin little rascals hat, whens bill gonna show on this show?
I bet it was Bob Sapp lol
good ole mark coleman lol
Holy sheet is that the amazing racist from the early days of youtube.
Damn. The audio should of been leveled out.
It’s seems like he only meets crazy strippers
I love Joe Rogan but he’s not funny
Bruh Joe Rogan barely says a word and that guy keeps fucking laughing
Ari's left ear is captivating. I mean, I know it's an ear, but is it a human ear? Possibly large ear pachyderm transplant? I struggle to look at anything else when he is on screen. The guy is hilarious even when all you see is the ear.
Most comedians suck, so does Rogan, good podcast though
Mark Coleman?
The guy would be good if he understood the concept of a punchline
Now that is an annoying voice.
Something you dont know about me, Joe Rogan….I smoke rocks
One of the few actually funny comedians left. He actually makes funny observations and has a personality. So many comedians these days just have such shitty acts and almost seem like they feel entitled to peoples laughs. Joe is real. We need more comedians like him.
I’ve been to that strip club in Dothan 😂😂
YALL DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YALL MISSIN
Lemme tell you something Joe Rogen, don't wear that hat again. You look like a cocksucka
Word is her breath still smells
Eileen Dover. That was his/her name "I Leaned Over" 😉
This guy should start a podcast.
This is a glorious story LOL
Love you Rogan. So hilarious.
Is this comedy for white people? This isn't funny at all.
Never understand how this fucker became a comedian . He's as funny as pond scum.
He looks like a Lebanese cab driver
this is not stand up. It's entertaining, though.
Funny, the DJ he is talking about is Clayton Philpatrick from the former 101.7 the point. Lmao took their asses out to Rehobeth. Lmfao. That shit was like back in 1993
How TF is no one else in the comments wondering what happened to the 90 pounder???
Shit breath is my mom. She's doing good now. Just got outta rehab.
I've been to Dothan Alabama
This is bullshit cuz I had a cell phone in 1998. Lol
These shows gotta be funnier after a a few drinks….sober they suck!
I've never been to a strip club but My mother's name is Melissa and she's a ex-stripper
You laugh, but with today internet, it would be possible to find that stripper and get her attention so she might end up in his podcast, lets do a little community effort here please… loooool!!
True story. My uncle was a Marine stationed in Okinawa, Japan. I became a Sailor stationed in Sasebo, Japan many years later. We went to pick up the Marines in Okinawa all the time. After I got out we were drinking one time talking about Okinawa I mentioned the banana show. Where this old lady does things with a banana. Turns out that old lady was much younger once and worked there when he was stationed there. The show might have been good then. We just took the new guys to see it as an initiation to the crazy world that's waiting. All I can Navy let the journey begin. I have stories you wouldn't believe.
Joe is funny but he’s not. It’s weird. Plus I never trust a bald dude in those hats. I’m talking to you CC.
Yeah I mean, he seems like a good guy and all, but the stand up is just so bad. It drives me nuts how real comedians like Bill Burr wash his balls about how great his comedy is on the podcast, you know damn well Burr knows how horrible Joe’s standup is.
Joe Not Funny Rogan
Oh my.
Your sound/ volume totally SUCKS!!
lol
🤔 Bob Sapp
Joes not funny… well not when his doing stand up
That stripper, whatever her name is… Sounds sooo fun!!!
I really don't get the fighting scenes which these clips always start with. Seems very unrelated.
Anyone else worried about the girl that UFC fighter degraded and then ran off with? Like…. You don't run off with women… We're not grab bags at a birthday party.
I wonder what he missed out on..
One thing that I would never do , and sure as hell would never tell anyone. That I took advice from Andrew, " Dice," Clay"
You dont know what the fuck you missing
Wow. Normalize that audio, CC. This sounds terrible.
Definitely Rampage Jackson 😂😂😂😂😂
I like his podcast, but he sucks at stand up..appears to have anger issues
Not as funny as interesting.
Anyone know who bob is
Rogan is very funny!!!
Yeah, back before the internet always seems to be the best of times, now we only hear and read about how America was – feels like a whole nother world – like looking a vids and pictures from 1917 ..like it was a different Planet – I have many of these Memories living in the South..Lol.. i Prob knew her
He's referencing Mark Coleman I believe lol
joe is a completely different person in comedy
Holy fuck I think I've been there .driving to Florida from canada to visit a friend.. ..i came apon a place after asking a gas staion worker if there where any strip clubs on the way gave us a hand made map Sandy dirt road white house at the end of it and yes red light bulbs guys on porch with shotguns and looked like regular house with furniture it was bring your own beer and 10 bucks at the door to get in..it was very nerve racking..canadian plates n all on our car…lmfao I thought for sure we were gunna die..