How Star Trek Into Darkness Should Have Ended

How Star Trek Into Darkness Should Have Ended


For you see, the name John Harrison was just a disguise. My true name… is Khan! Okiedoke! I’m Kirk. These are my friends, Spock and Bones. Hello. Hi there. You must have misheard. I said, my name… is KHAN! Is that supposed to mean something? Seriously guys? Wrath of Khan? Star Trek Two?! Come on. Not ringing ANY bells? Nope. What’s Star Trek? I have no idea. No one here’s seen Wrath of Khan?! It’s like the best one in the whole series! Jim, this man is clearly unstable. Agreed. Gas’em, Bones. What? We’ll ship his body to the admiral. ASAP. But the nerds… *cough* will love… all the Khan references!!! heeahaaaaaaa! Has anyone seen my uniform? How Star Trek Into Darkness Should Have Ended Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. It’s five year mission… to explore strange new worlds. To seek out new life and new civilizations. To boldly go where no man has gone before. *cheering* Captain James T. Kirk and Commander Spock, sir! Reporting for our five year deep space mission! Oh! Nobody told you? We don’t do those anymore. What? Space, missions, starships… the whole final frontier thing, done! I… do not follow. Haven’t you heard? The portable transporter Khan had that could send him anywhere? We just made a whole bunch of those. No point in keeping all those expensive ships around right? Here watch. Baby Gorn! Catch! That does seem logical. But what about the looming war with the Klingons? What about protecting the lives of the federation citizens? Son, are you stupid? Your friend, Bones, cured death weeks ago. Remember? When he brought you back to life? Oh right! That totally happened. Yeah and you guys just glossed over it! Look. Han Solo? Haaaaaaaaan! Ugh! I’m awake! Oh yeah. So, what does Starfleet do now? Elderly care! No one dies anymore, so we are stupidly over populated. In my day we didn’t have that thing you have! It’s cold! I need my pudding! Please young Spock, kill me. Not so fast old timer! We still have nine more sequals to milk out of you. Ugh! Live long and prosper my ears! Are you sure you wish to do this? You brought me into this video to speak Klingon… now let me speak Klingon. Very well. I’ll take it from here, sweetheart. Extra special thanks to Screen Junkies for writing this episode! Be sure to check our epic Star Trek colab with them here. Was that plug subtle enough? No? Go watch Honest Trailers. Now! Go! Is THIS where I left my uniform? He he he… bewbs.

100 thoughts on “How Star Trek Into Darkness Should Have Ended

  1. Also, that spaceship plunging into San Francisco should have hit Earth's orbital force field, or a force field put up over Starfleet HQ or been shot down or tractor beamed or transported or sth.

    Unless you're telling Starfleet has no defence against 9/11-style attack or other kinetic attacks in a universe where a piece of rock lobbed at Earth at a high proportion of the speed of light is the equivalent of a nuclear bomb or even the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? 😉

  2. How are you going to use transporters to explore deep space if you don’t know where the planet is? How does Khan’s blood cure a phaser blast? And in the future there is no money or type of currency.

  3. Watching this is 2018 is somewhat disturbing.

    Andy signor scandal

    Han died in TFA

    Leonard Nemroy passed away.

    Maybe it’s just me

  4. well if i am here i have to say it:
    KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHN!

  5. Wouldn't they have to send a pod to the other planet to work, also the blood cured internal damage that it was capable of regenerating, so the shots still would have killed him.

  6. For all of you people tired of why Khan was white, or why he could teleport to Cronos or why he was revived, etc, etc… Read the comic "Khan" from IDW online, it explains *everything*.
    And PLEASE, don't come and complain about how a movie shouldn't rely on comics to explain stuff, we don't care. Nobody was going to explain what happened or why, they don't monologue about their lives, they had better things to do, like trying to take over a giant space-ship or killing each other.
    Also, just because things aren't explained or said, doesn't mean they aren't logical, stop whining every time something disappoints you.

  7. Hey hey hey there's still plenty of stuff in space to see transporters would ruin space travel besides what about planetary shield or transport beam scatters to prevent interplanetary travel?

  8. An episode of Star Trek Voyager reminded me of this. The idea was that if people live forever, then eventually, they will do everything that they could ever possibly do, and they will want to commit suicide. One of the Q ends up committing suicide.

  9. Several problems with this ,1st they would still need starships to explore and enforce the peace and 2nd over population would not be a problem because of the Starships finding new planets that they could settle on.

  10. Regarding the "original" Into Darkness: That's what you get when you let amateurish, clueless hacks write a script and assign a director who favors style over substance. IMHO.

  11. Wait, when did Khan have portable teleporter that can send him anywhere? I don't remember that. Also, Bone's "cure against death" specifically required Khan's genetic materials. It is unknown if that can be replicated.

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