Clarke and Dawe – The Front Fell Off

Clarke and Dawe – The Front Fell Off


Senator Collins, thanks for coming in. It’s a great pleasure, thank you. This ship that was involved in the incident in Western Australia this week… The one the front fell off? Yeah.
Yeah, that’s not very typical, I’d like to make that point. Well, how was it un-typical? Well there are a lot of these ships going around the world all the time, and very seldom does anything like this happen. I just don’t want people thinking that tankers aren’t safe. Was this tanker safe? Well, I was thinking more about the other ones. The ones that are safe?
Yeah, the ones the front doesn’t fall off. Well, if this wasn’t safe why did it have 80,000 tons of oil on it? I’m not saying it wasn’t safe, it’s just perhaps not quite as safe as some of the other ones. Why?
Well, some of them are built so that the front doesn’t fall off at all. Wasn’t this built so that the front wouldn’t fall off? Well, obviously not.
Well, how do you know? Well, because the front fell off and 20,000 tons of crude oil spilled into the sea caught fire. It’s a bit of a giveaway. I’d just like to make the point that it’s not normal. Well what sort of engineering standards are these oil tankers built to? Oh, very rigorous maritime engineering standards. What sort of thing?
Well, the front’s not supposed to fall off for a start. And what other things? Well, there are regulations governing what materials they can be made of. What materials?
Well, cardboard’s out. And?
No cardboard derivatives. Like paper?
No paper. No string. No sellotape. Rubber?
No, rubber’s out. Umm, they’ve got to have a steering wheel. There’s a minimum crew requirement. What’s the minimum crew?
Oh, one I suppose. So the allegations that they’re just designed to carry as much oil as possible no matter the consequences, that’s ludicrous? Absolutely ludicrous, these are very very strong vessels. So what happened?
Well, the front fell off in this case by all means, but it’s very unusual. But Senator Collins, why did the front fall off? Well a wave hit it. A wave hit it? A wave hit the ship. Is that unusual?
Oh yeah. At sea? Chance in a million! So what do you do to protect the environment in cases like this? Well the ship was towed outside the environment. Into another environment?
No, no, it was towed beyond the environment. It’s not in the environment. No but from one environment to another environment. No it’s beyond the environment. It’s not in an environment. It’s been towed beyond the environment.
But it must be somewhere… Well, what’s out there? Nothing’s out there! Well there must be something out there.
There is nothing out there – all there is is sea and birds and fish. And?
And 20,000 tons of crude oil. And what else?
And fire. And anything else?
And the part of the ship that the front fell off. But there’s nothing else out there. Senator Collins, thanks for joining us. It’s a complete void. Yeah, we’re out of time.
The environment’s perfectly safe. We’re out of time? Yeah.
Can you book me a cab? But didn’t you come in a commonwealth car? Yes I did but…
What happened?
… well, the front fell off.

73 thoughts on “Clarke and Dawe – The Front Fell Off

  1. The fact that he was pointing out repeatedly of the absurdity of how the front of the ship wasn't supposed to fall off, and it just so happened that the front fell off on this one, and saying all of this with a straight face

  2. Australian Transport Safety Board Report #33 Loss of Greek registered oil tanker Kirki en route to Kwinana incident date 21 Jul 1991 Final report date 02 Apr 1992. Take a look at the investigation board report. This ship had all of its inspection certificates up to date. The report notes that a list of dozens of defects existed that could not have happened in the short time since the vessel's its last inspection.

  3. I'd imagine, this is how a skit about the Titanic might go as well. Regardless…. these guys would find a way to make it hilarious!!!

  4. While I deeply miss John's wit – so sharp and quick that you'd be halfway home before you realised your shoes were filling up with blood and you were dying – I think we also should recognise that Bryan Dawe is among the greatest 'straight' men in history. If ever we needed a duo like this it's now, dealing with the ridiculous Bullshit Circus that is modern politics. Thank you gentlemen, thank you so very much. It's such a loss to see it end so abruptly.
    Vale Mr. John Clarke, 1948-2017

  5. Jeremiah 6:10-11
    To whom shall I speak, and give warning, that they may hear?

    Mark 4:23
    If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.

    The Gospel is the good news that God incarnated in the flesh as Jesus Christ. God,as man was able to take the punishment for mans sins and the death we deserve. On the third day he raised his body proving he is the LORD and offers the gift of salvation and forgiveness to those that repent and trust in him.

    John 1:1-3,10 KJV
    In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. [2] The same was in the beginning with God. [3] All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. [10] He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world knew him not.

  6. What sort of materials are these ships made of …
    Well, cardboard's out, no rubber, no cardboard derivatives … no paper, no celo-tape

  7. Brilliant! Like talking to anyone else that doesnt understand that their IQ or comprehension is *severely limited. Say a Leftist for example.

  8. This made me laugh my ass off. It's been a while since I've seen it and I forgot to thank you for the upload back then.

  9. I watched this and… my front fell off…. in other news, my gf just left me for a guy who still has a… front….
    Don't hurt me pls….

  10. "Can you book me a cab"
    "But didn't you come in a car"
    "Yes I did"
    "Well what happened"
    "The front fell off"

  11. 0:38 the lack of a comma between "spilled into the sea" and "caught fire" is what really 'makes' this entire video.

  12. I'm not sure if you realize this but your videos all have ads for the epoch times, which is clearly an alt-right propaganda paper. It really devalues the smart stuff you talk about.

  13. and this ladies and gentlaman is why australia is suck a backwards bckwater of a country. damn politicians wouldnt got a clue

  14. What Brand of Car had the front fall off, that is the important thing the/we Australians need to know? Cheers from John, great stuff.

  15. I used to work with a guy who was overly logical and completely deadpan like this. He was the funniest man I’ve ever met.

  16. No cardboards derivatives 😂
    Omg every time I need a laugh I watch this .
    How accurate is this though of Australian politicians

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